


Lost in the ozone

by ukenceto



Series: Love beyond the bones [20]
Category: Gears of War (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Blow Jobs, Childhood Memories, Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Frottage, Guro, Horror, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Medical Procedures, Mutual Pining, Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery, Rescue Missions, Revelations, Spoilers, Survivor Guilt, set after game 5, to quote MGR: NANOMACHINES SON
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:42:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 62,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22298764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ukenceto/pseuds/ukenceto
Summary: An unexpected way to set a few wrongs right; or what happens after the final fight against the Kraken, when everyone is left to pick up the pieces of their lives before another fight is on the horizon.
Relationships: Damon Baird/Marcus Fenix, Delmont "Del" Walker/Fahz Chutani, Delmont "Del" Walker/Fahz Chutani/James "JD" Fenix, Fahz Chutani/James "JD" Fenix, James "JD" Fenix/Delmont "Del" Walker
Series: Love beyond the bones [20]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1025247
Comments: 15
Kudos: 28





	1. Lost

**Author's Note:**

> I've been wanting to write a fix-it fic about the ChoiceTM in Gears 5 since I first played it, but it took a while (and a few more replays of the series since, haha!). Spoilers though, as the fic is set after the game's events. 
> 
> It was very hard for me to pick between Del and JD; and I couldn't do it to Marcus in game, to have him lose his son.  
> But for the intents and purposes of this fic (a.k.a. Maximum Angst and then family bonding) it is JD who dies. 
> 
> But does he really?  
> Suppose you gotta read to find out!

“Do something.”

This close, he could see the vivid blue of Marcus’ eyes, a stark contrast against the bruises and fine webbing of burst blood vessels, sentiment of his fatigue due to the last days spent near constantly in battle. 

“Such as what? Marcus, even I can’t… can’t bring the dead back to life.” Running a hand over his face, Damon shut his eyes, wishing this would be just a dream. No more than a nightmare. The hands fisted in the worn lapels of his lab coat uprooted even that faint hope.

“He’s our son goddammit! And he’s out there.” Marcus’s voice was no longer a low rumble, but a full-fledged storm. “I want you to sit. And think of something. Embry help me otherwise, I swear—“

Watching Marcus turn away in an attempt to keep a grasp of his sanity, was almost too much. Damon had seen him broken, adrift like a ship without an anchor once already. So many years ago now, on Azura. It wasn’t fair, not that much in life ever was, but looking back at the years spawning behind them, a small, angry part of Damon’s consciousness kept asking ‘why’. Why was it that Marcus lost it all, time and time again.

There are losses he’d never even spoken of, ones the burden of which were too great for words to those who’d not been present to witness them. And yet it was through a way perhaps not unlike what one would call fate, that nonetheless Damon Baird knew of them too.

And now, after having barely secured the city, civilization’s new hope they’d rebuilt from the ground up twenty-five years ago, with more losses that he wanted to count and no clear path ahead, Baird had to think.

He had to think of a way to turn back time. To do what no one had yet succeeded to, after decades of war.

Not to sit and grieve, like they both should have, oh no. He had to find a way to bring their son home.

Lest he watched Marcus crumble, like an ancient statue of a forgotten king, dethroned by the passage of time, by the loss of remembrance.

On the verge of a new war, one he feared himself helpless to prevent, for it had already started. And not even now, but in those twenty five years, in the moment when they had taken the decision to contain and bury the locust. To put them out of sight and out of mind like skeletons in a closet. When they had been just as helpless to truly destroy them, as they were now.

Most of all, his mind kept turning this singular, present moment of Marcus asking the impossible of him, not in the loss of sanity, nor denial – but raw belief. Belief in his abilities, belief that he’d always held an ace in his sleeve.

Clutching his hair, Baird remained silent; but that same, hidden voice in his mind did not.

He had a way.

Maybe, possibly, hypothetically. A question mark in an unfinished equation. Hope he dared not ignite within himself, yet could already feel growing restless.

“It’s been hours. Even if I was to try, it would be too little too late. I’m sorry Marcus.” Pulling up the nearest chair, he sat down heavily. He could feel the weight of close to forty eight hours without sleep press on his shoulders, the deep ache of a migraine forming behind his brow.

Just as Marcus turned, ready for rebuttal, a light blinked on the holoprojector next to him.

“If I may, Damon – there might be a chance after all.” IRIS’ level voice sounded through the system, startling him.

“What is it?” Marcus stepped forward, drawn by the projection IRIS had just triggered. It showed a grid map of the old city ruins, zooming in on a signal marked with a blue chevron.

“Now that the swarm’s interference with radio signal has subsided, I could track JD Fenix’s armor. It’s still broadcasting the biometric data.” And truly, a block of text unfolded underneath the chevron, displaying various information.

“Iris, there’s no pulse. This is a static signal.” Damon sighed after glimpsing at the data.

“That is correct. But doesn’t something stand out to you?” IRIS’ tone was surprisingly gentle for an AI construct.

“Spit it out.” It was Marcus’ turn to run out of patience however. He slammed his hands on the smooth surface of the terminal, causing a momentary glitch to run through the projection. But before IRIS could reply, Damon saw it too.

“Holy shit. You’ve got to be kidding me.” He was already typing away, downloading the stream of additional data broadcast by the armor’s module. “Oxygen and power levels are steady. Could they have really reached a maximum dispersity? Iris, can you pull a timestamp on the moment of activation?”

“I already have. It matches the moment the sensor’s detected a lack of pulse.”

“Marcus, this—“ Turning the chair around, Baird struggled to word his next sentence. “It could mean everything. Or nothing. But we won’t know until we get him out.”

“What exactly could mean everything?” Marcus’ tone was almost akin to a growl. Collecting himself, Baird stood up.

“Back after the hammer accident, I did something. Something like a back-up, something I didn’t even get the chance to test, not in such a case at least.” Pulling up a few files on the holo table, he continued. “I was worried he’d do something like this again, something which would wound him and we might not be quick enough to respond. So I put a batch of prototype nanites in a pressurized capsule within his biomechanical arm.”

A diagram of a cell-shaped structure was the first file in the projector.

“I’ve been working on them for hell, maybe even before E-day. Theoretically at least, but there was never time or the right tools to truly reach their potential capacity. They’re supposed to heal, Marcus. Flesh, bone, neurons, ligaments, everything. Hundreds of times faster than the body ever could on its own.”

“But how does that help him if his heart’s stopped?” Marcus had leaned on the table, looking at the files with a deep frown.

“They’ve kept the oxygen level in his blood adequate, and are functioning as independent, self-sufficient, adaptive cells. Meaning, they’re keeping his body alive while working on repairing it.” Nervously pacing around as he explained, Baird kept glancing at the signal on the map. “In theory, that is. Or at least it seems to be what they’re doing, from the data Iris received. We won’t know for sure until we get to him.”

“Then there’s no point in wasting time sitting around here. Get a squad of de-bees, I’ll find the others. We’re going to get him.”

“Marcus, according to Iris’s data, the signal’s coming from under twenty meters of rubble. Reaching him might not be so simple.” Putting his glasses on, Baird enlarged the map, trying to get more details. “Iris, do we have a better grid of these ruins?”

“Negative, Damon. They’re a recent collapse. Only on-site scan can reveal more.”

“And how do we do that?” Marcus’ hands were balled in fists next to his thighs, his chest plate rising with each breath he took.

“An AR, assistance robot equipped with a deep scan module can map out the structure. If I might suggest, unit designation Dave is available. Damon repaired him months ago.” At IRIS’ words, the lights of the docking station in the far end of the lab lit up, and Dave turned on, dethatching from it with a series of beeps.

“Good. Then let’s go.” Marcus spoke, eyeing the bot as it hovered next to him, seemingly awaiting further instructions.

“Look, go get the others, whoever’s available, and find a vehicle. I have to pack up a few things we’ll need.” Already rummaging through the clutter on one of the work benches, Damon glanced over his shoulder. “And Marcus. I can only hope that I’m right about this.”

“Works for me.” Voice low, Marcus turned towards the door, gesturing for the bot to follow.

As he watched him disappear through it, Baird closed his eyes. He wasn’t a believer, never had been.

Seen too much of what was within people’s minds, and in the world, to think there could be anything but a vengeful, cruel god long turned away from mankind’s vile existence. But for the first time in so many years, he wished there was something out there to pray to.

_‘Don’t let me be wrong about this. Just this one time.’_

* * *

***

Not too far out in the corridor leading to Baird’s lab, Marcus spotted a familiar face.

“Fahz, where are Del and Kait?” Much like Marcus himself, Fahz hadn’t taken off his armor yet. He seemed lost in thought, the sudden question startling him. Seemingly he hadn’t noticed Marcus’ footsteps; a bad sign.

“I—they went to the search and rescue for any gears still out there.” Fahz didn’t offer an explanation for his presence, looking at Marcus somewhat awkwardly.

“Well we’ve got a job to do too. Unless you’re otherwise engaged?” The last part was heavy with sarcasm. Though if he had to fathom a guess, Marcus was pretty sure Fahz was lurking in front of Baird’s lab for the same reason he’d just gotten out of it. “Have you seen Carmine?”

“We took Cole to the med wing, then he stayed to help with the civilians. I think he’s probably still there, along with the evacuees.”

Fahz kept glancing towards the way he’d come, and Marcus finally realized what seemed different about him. He’d replaced his broken shades with clear glasses, rimmed with bulky black frames.

“Baird’s gonna join us in a bit. I’m going to get Carmine, you go to the garage and find something that still has four wheels and can get us into the old city.” The authoritative tone in Marcus’ voice had Fahz already on his way, not even asking for further explanation, which was good. He didn’t have the patience for it right now.

Navigating through the almost maze-like corridors, Marcus finally made it to the ground level of the complex. Passing through the big double doors, he was instantly greeted by a cacophony of voices; loudspeaker announcements for missing persons, relocation assistance, provision and medical support. There were people everywhere, moving in a hurry, pushing and pulling carts of supplies and weapons, gurneys with dazed and injured people.

He followed the hastily scribbled signs to the medical area, which was packed full; but people made space for him to pass as he walked forward, clearing the way at the sight of his armor.

Eventually he spotted Carmine’s characteristic helmet, and soon saw the man himself; he was bandaging up a child’s forearm, speaking in a soft voice, saying something Marcus couldn’t quite catch.

“Clay, you done here? Grab a weapon, we’re going out.”

“Sure thing, Sarge. What’s the emergency?” Carmine looked up, seemingly unperturbed at the hasty interruption.

“I’ll tell you along the way. Are there any free gurneys here? Get one, we’re gonna need it.” Marcus doubted there was one available, if the people sitting on the floor and everywhere they could find was any indication, but Carmine’s affirmative nod caught him by surprise.

“I’ll get it and be with you in a bit.” He’d turned back to the child, gently brushing away the trails of tears from the little boy’s face. “You be good now, right? The nurse will come to pick you up soon. Show her how strong you are.”

The kid nodded, smiling slightly and casting a curious glance at Dave, who was still hovering next to Marcus’ shoulder. The bot beeped and lifted its connection limb, in a gesture akin to a friendly wave.

“Okay Clay, we meet up at the garage hangar. Fahz should have found us a truck by now.”

With that, Marcus went through the mass of people again, this time in the direction of the hanger.

He didn’t see any of Jinn’s guards on point, which made him suspicious. She would’ve undoubtedly wanted to keep a tight leash on any ongoing operations, especially after the entirety of Delta’s earlier display of insubordination.

Yet barely anyone was in sight; upon passing the large open gates of the building, Marcus could see why.

Fahz was surrounded by several Onyx guards, two of them already on the floor. His lip was bleeding, but otherwise he seemed unharmed as he shouted something at the rest of them.

Patience wearing ever thinner, Marcus purposefully stomped loudly as he walked, the echo of his boots hitting the concrete startling everyone in the group. Taking off the lancer from his back, he stopped right in front of the closest Gear.

“I suggest you back off, and let us be on our way. Jinn’s orders don’t apply here.” His voice was even, but dripping with frost. There were few things he wouldn’t do to get to the old city right now, and if it meant following Fahz’ example, he wouldn’t hesitate to.

“He did not have any authorization for a passage, nor for acquisition of a vehicle. The First Minister’s orders were clear. No one without the proper pass is allowed in or out of New Ephyra and this outpost.”

That Gear was either very stubborn, or really daft. Marcus didn’t really care to find out.

Just as he was about to pull a low blow and knock the man out with the butt of his lancer, another one of the squad stepped forward.

“Jenkins, wait. Don’t you recognize him?” the other two Gears were already talking in hushed voices. “That is _the_ Marcus Fenix.”

“ The war hero?”

“Same one.”

Marcus watched the display with quiet resignation. It didn’t take much longer for the Onyx guards to put two and two together and factoring that in, their next move was to be expected.

“Sir, we suggest getting more people if you’re going out. There’s still reports of disorganized swarm activity.” They were already picking up the two guys Fahz had knocked down, and had moved away from the path towards a parked armored truck.

“Kid, and I suggest you don’t try to tell me what to do. Go get your buddies sorted out. The way I see it, you’ll be too busy to report back to First Minister Jinn for at least several hours.” Marcus put the lancer in its place on his back, and walked towards Fahz, dismissing the unfortunate squad who didn’t voice any objections to his words.

“There’s extra weapons and ammunition in the back. Tank’s full.” Fahz said simply, brushing the back of his hand over his mouth, wiping the blood away nonchalantly.

“Good.” Marcus could hear a brief commotion from the entrance, so he glanced over quickly. It was Carmine, who had a closed gurney thrown over one shoulder, and a bulky duffel bag marked with a red cross slung over the other.

“So what exactly is it that we’re doing?” Fahz finally asked, but Marcus grunted noncommittally. Lifting his arms in frustration, Fahz just shook his head and went to get in the driver’s side of the vehicle.

“Where the hell is Baird…” Marcus muttered to himself, and waved to Carmine who had just reached them. “Put these in the back, and get in there. We’re still waiting on a plus one.”

“Baird? I saw him few minutes ago. He said there was something he had to get.” The characteristic acoustic of Carmine’s voice coming through the helmet couldn’t completely cover the exhaustion which slipped in his tone.

Just on cue, Baird walked through the hangar’s entrance, followed by four DB’s – two shepherd units and two guardians.

“It’s all I could get right now, without drawing attention. But they should be enough.” He was wearing his armor, but also had a heavy looking backpack on. “Everyone else in and accounted for?”

“Kait and Delmont are out in search and rescue. It’s gonna be you, me, Fahz and Carmine.”

“Should be enough.” Baird gestured the back of the truck, and the DeeBee’s went in it without a word. “Let’s go, it’s going to get dark soon. Can’t afford to burn anymore daylight. You get shotgun.”

With that, Baird climbed in the truck as well, closing the ramp. Dave followed, and activated its cloaking mode.

Marcus sat in the front quietly, and next to him Fahz revved up the engine. A set of coordinates lit up the small navigation screen, and after a quick look at those, they were on their way.

Out in the pool of nearly blinding spotlights surrounding the wall of New Ephyra, and after on the uneven grooves of a dirt road; the truck shook as it passed through deep tracks made much worse from the recent heavy traffic.

Fahz was focused on the way forward, mindful to avoid debris and depressions on the way, the charred ground and concrete evidence of the intense battle that had shaken and marred it just few short hours ago.

Hours which for them all had seemed like an eternity.

The next part of the journey passed in silence, nothing to meet them but the city ruins rising like broken bones from both sides of the road. The marked location was getting closer, just as the world around began to darken, the light seeping through each crease and broken window flowing away to sunset; the sky turning purple, the color of a day old bruise.

“We’re almost there, but the bridge five klicks away is collapsed. Once we reach it, we can only continue on foot. That whole area is a sink zone.” Fahz broke the silence, and Marcus nodded.

“Then we walk.” Falling quiet for a while, before speaking again, he looked at Fahz. “We’re going to get James.”

“That’s what I thought too.” Fahz said with a sight, sadness breaking through his voice. He didn’t add anything further, but Marcus could see the tension in his jaw, his knuckles turning white as he gripped the steering wheel harder; the angry red scrapes and bruises over them fading briefly.

* * *

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some tags are there for the next chapters.  
> There's gonn be some Fahz love because I really like him as a character! I HC he wears the shades all the time bc he actually needs vision aid; then I found a concept art in which he really did have prescription glasses on so, here we are!
> 
> Fic's loosely tied to my other gow works, and JD is Marcus and Damon's son. (yes, I'm yet to write that one, set after the events on Azura. Welp for continuity, right?)


	2. Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter: let’s give Fahz PTSD 
> 
> Marcus actually has caring dad vibes for all his new-delta-squad children
> 
> Somehow, there’s a lot more horror than I’d have predicted

By the time they reached the location, the sky had darkened to velveteen black. The twin moons cast their bone white light, washing the color off everything in their surroundings.

Gravel and broken glass crunching under his feet, Fahz kept his focus on the path ahead. The night was quiet, almost too quiet in the aftermath of the earlier firefight. His ears still rang with the echo of all the explosions and gunfire, the vacuum-like displacement of sound every time the Hammer of Dawn fired. 

“We must have gone around this bloody place at least three times now.” Stopping abruptly, he put his hands on his hips, turning to the others. “Folks, admit it. There’s no way through, these ruins are completely shut off.”

“There has to be something. Keep looking.” Marcus’ gruff voice clearly translated his irritation. They had all kept their eyes open, but so far hadn’t found more than a nook or cranny in the rubble, at least one which wasn’t a dead end.

“Dave, pulse.” Baird’s order to the bot was met with a beep and the faint, characteristic sound which meant the scanning device in it was mapping out the area in depth via ultrasonic waves.

Dave then added the new information to the grid map open in its holoprojector, but it still didn’t seem to show any open space beyond the concrete. Baird slowly turned the map, looking at it from different angles.

“Wait, go back.” Carmine stepped closer, pointing to the left side of the diagram. “Over there, down at ground level. What is that?”

“Uh, something made of metal. Looks a bit like a sewer grate.” Baird zoomed in on the spot, and the part under it, which had also been scanned, appeared shaped much like a tunnel. “Iris, do we have any of the old city’s sewer system blueprints?”

“Negative, Damon. They’d been lost a long time ago.” IRIS’ calm voice sounded through their earpieces.

“Can’t we send the bot in it to check where it goes then?” Fahz asked. “Unless anyone’s got a better idea.”

“Could be nothing, could be something. Worth to find out.” Marcus headed back towards the quadrant which had been shown on the map. “Move it people.”

The manhole cover was half-hidden in a muddy patch of ground, covered by a couple of inches of greenish rainwater. It was practically impossible to notice unless one knew what to look for.

“What if it’s flooded? It’s not like this city’s a prime example of functioning architecture right now.” Fahz didn’t seem optimistic, but nonetheless crouched down along with Carmine as they reached into the stale water and lifted the heavy hatch.

Baird shone a flashlight down the dark opening, which revealed it was actually sloped down in a gradual descent, and then ran parallel to the surface. Apart from some moisture on the walls, there wasn’t a visible blockage.

“If that’s the case, it’s good that Dave’s waterproof. Come on, get in there pal.” Baird motioned down and Dave descended into the tunnel, bringing its metal panels closer to its bulk for a better fit. After inputting something in the control screen on his wrist, Baird looked at the others. “Well, he’s in. I’ve turned the automatic pulse setting on, so he’s going to map out the space ahead, as far as he can reach that is.”

“So what, we just sit and wait now?” Carmine asked, but contrary to his words appeared on guard nonetheless. No one wanted an unexpected ambush, so they were all on high alert.

“If we’re lucky, and the tunnel’s not blocked, it could be our way to get under this place.” Baird did actually sit down at that, using a half-crumbled wall for cover.

“Or could go to the other side of the city.” Carmine sounded doubtful.

“Tell me again, why didn’t we just get one or two of your giant builder robots to move all this rubbish instead.” Fahz leaned on a large concrete column, aimlessly kicking at a patch of dirt with the tip of his boot.

“Because, one of my giant builder robots is in pieces, and the other’s there in case of another attack. The city isn’t exactly the epitome of an impenetrable fortress right now, in case you hadn’t noticed.” Baird’s sharp tongue didn’t really wane with his exhaustion, if anything his sarcasm tended to worsen in those cases. “And if we were to use them for that, forget any chance of getting him out without the rest of these five hundred tons of concrete smashing right over him.”

“That’s enough.” Marcus stepped between them, giving them a once-over. “We’re going to find a way through. That’s not a not a matter of debate.”

At that, everyone fell silent as the seconds ticked by. Another ten minutes passed before the screen on Baird’s forearm lit up, showing a grainy image, painted in the green hues of a night-vision mode.

“It’s a live feed from Dave’s camera.” He said, motioning for everyone to gather closer. “There’s some static, the concrete and distance must be causing signal interference. But by the looks of it he’s reached a larger area than the tunnel.”

“Has he found him?” Looking closer at the little screen, Fahz tried to distinguish anything in the dim image. “I can’t see nothing on this.”

“Wait, he’s still moving.” Baird was also focused on the screen, and each new fragment of the picture revealed by Dave’s cautious hovering. “There’s more metal, I think these are the steel support beams from the old building.”

A string of beeps transferred through the video feed and Dave’s motion stopped abruptly, before the camera focused on a shape near the ground. Parts of it stood out in slightly lighter tones, the rest appeared made of metal as well.

For a long moment, no one uttered a word.

“It is him, alright. Has to be.” Fahz’s voice was low, his expression somber as he brought up the nav screen on his arm panel. “Matches the coordinates of the armor signal perfectly.”

“There’s something over him though. Looks like a slab of concrete.” Carmine noted with a sigh. “Won’t know if we can move him until someone gets down there, apart from the bot.”

“I’m calling Dave back.” Baird typed the command and then returned the screen to map mode. “It’s going to be a tight fit, but we have a couple of car jacks in case something heavy has to be moved on-site.”

“Forgive the interruption Damon, but I need to update you with the latest broadcast of data from the armor’s sensors.” IRIS chimed in through the radio. “The nanites have just entered power-saving mode. There’s not much energy reserve left before they reach critical level, and no longer function optimally.”

“Goddamn it.” Baird cursed under his breath, taking off his backpack. “Ok, we have to make haste. Get him out and connect the external power bank, or this whole plan’s fucked.”

“Wait, am I just this daft or there’s something y’all aren’t telling me.” Fahz looked from Baird to Marcus, eyebrows raised in question. “What’s the rush for? I thought we were here to get JD’s body back.”

“No time to explain, but yes we need to get him back, and do it fast.” Baird motioned to Carmine who gave him the gurney and the medkit bag. “He could still be alive. If the nano-technology keeping his body functional doesn’t run out of battery.”

“So none of you buggers thought to tell me this earlier?” Fahz shouted, his expression a mix of shock, anger and hurt.

“Keep it down, Chutani.” Marcus grabbed his shoulder, turning him until they were face to face. “As Baird said, we know nothing for sure yet.” 

“If it makes you feel any better, I didn’t know either.” Carmine added.

“We didn’t want to give you false hope, kid.” Baird said quietly. “You, or anyone else. But since you’re here already, let’s leave this talk for later. Take your armor off, gear up and get going. He’s running out of time.”

“I—How do I know what to do when I get there?” Fahz seemed caught off-guard, but quickly began working on the straps of his bulky armor.

“We’ll walk you through it, Dave’s gonna link us.” And right on cue, the bot appeared from the tunnel, beeping at Baird’s words. “You’ll carry the gurney down there, get him on it and bandage any damage you see so that things are steady for the way back, and carry him here to us. The rest will be up to me.”

“Hope you’re not claustrophobic. That’ll be a tight fit.” Carmine pointed at the narrow tunnel, then crouched next to it to get a better view. “It seems pretty uniform in width at least.”

“Can’t know ‘till I try then, innit?” Fahz had slung the duffel bag over his shoulder, and taken the folded gurney, while Baird secured the car jacks to his utility belt with straps and a couple of karabiners. He kept looking at the tunnel with an unreadable expression, until Marcus caught his attention. The pistol in Marcus’ outstretched hand brought him back to the present, putting an abrupt stop to the memories which had stirred in his mind.

“Take this too. We don’t know what else might be down there.” The note of concern in Marcus’ voice surprised Fahz; he simply nodded in agreement and silently took the offered weapon.

Dave got back in the tunnel first, providing light. By the time Fahz was several meters in, he realized that Carmine’s remark about the tunnel being claustrophobic was more palpable than not.

His shoulders rubbed against the rough bricks, and there was just enough space for him to crawl on his knees, dragging the gurney behind. Stopping briefly, Fahz adjusted his glasses that had begun to slip down, and cursed under his breath as his fingers left a big smudge of green-grey algae over the lens.

“No point trying to fix that now.” He muttered and continued on. Dave beeped at his words, but didn’t stop. The luminescent light emitting from its projector reflected against the water seeping between the bricks, and caused wobbly, contrasted shadows at the edge of the spotlight’s perimeter.

Whenever he’d catch one with his peripheral vision, Fahz felt his gut sink, expecting it to be one of the various crawling horrors that spewed from the swarm. Those seemed to grow daily, new and new grotesque, skittering forms that didn’t hesitate to attack and kill anything which moved.

_'Fahz, everything going ok so far?'_ Baird’s voice still came through clearly, the radio signal not yet obstructed by distance.

“Yeah, it’s fucking peachy.” He replied, pausing for a moment to take a deep breath. Whenever he did that, it almost felt like it would be enough to get him stuck; if there was a narrower part further up ahead, there would be no possible way to turn around. “All clear I mean. I’ll call in if there’s trouble.”

_'Ok just… we’re here for you. Baird out.'_ The radio static clicked off, signaling the line was open but not currently in use.

Resuming his previous pace, Fahz thought about Baird’s earlier words. It made perfect sense, suddenly. How despite that he and Marcus had just suffered through the loss of a son, they were both so collected. The subtle change in Marcus’ demeanor between the late afternoon and their ride here, a different kind of silence almost.

It made Fahz think of his own attempt at coping with the shock, of pushing on through the battle without allowing himself to think, and being painfully, viscerally stuck in the present once the Kraken had gone down and he’d helped Paduk carry Cole to the infirmary.

Of not wanting to focus on Del’s face and his words, on Kait’s question if he was coming with them to search for survivors. Of a hastily wrapped up excuse of having to do something else first, his own words ringing hollow.

_‘Go on without me, I’ll catch up later’._

At that moment, he hadn’t even known what else he was going to do. He just knew he needed to be alone, that it was too much all of a sudden.

Then he was in their shared dorm, going through his bedside cabinet until he found the hard case shoved far back under a pile of magazines and t-shirts.

Tears or not, he’d put those clear glasses back on, ones he hadn’t worn outside since high school.

The memory they triggered this time had nothing to do with being bullied, it was a much more recent one, barely few months old. Of leaning on his bunk one late evening, too caught up in an article to catch the quiet footsteps approaching him.

_‘These suit you.’_ JD’s tone had been playful, but not teasing. There were few things between them that had clear boundaries; prosthetic limbs and health conditions were an annexed ground, no mean remarks or quips. It served them both fine, in fact it had been the basis of a friendship still forming while they were at the stage of beating each other up on the training mat every evening.

_‘Oh yeah_?’ Putting the magazine down, Fahz had been ready to say something snarky when he got a glimpse of JD’s expression. He’d had that warm, peculiar half-smile, looking at Fahz in a way that had made him stop thinking way too often.

The next thing he knew, JD had been closer, stealing a kiss, the softness of which had surprised them both. In their sort-of-not-quite relationship yet, this was a new feeling to explore. He hadn’t been able to lie to himself any longer, to think that he and JD were just mutually relieving tension. There was something more, something Fahz had been afraid to name, but wasn’t able to deny when the reality of JD’s death had truly hit him.

And between that moment and now, he’d found himself no longer willing to deal with this alone, halfway to Baird’s lab before he even knew what he’d ask him, what he’d tell. Del had given Marcus the cog tags, but there was no body.

A small, illogical part of Fahz’ brain had demanded to see a body, hysterically refusing to believe all of this wasn’t just some terrible joke until he did. He wanted to bring JD home, even if it was the last thing he’d be able to do for him.

So when he’d seen the stoic lines of Marcus’ face, he didn’t question the man’s orders. JD had spoken to him about Marcus, about both of his fathers really. And there was no doubt in Fahz’s mind that the they weren’t going to leave JD to rest where he’d fallen; so his own place was right there with them, helping to find him.

He’d expected them to wait for Del and Kait, as by all accounts the two had been JD’s friends longer than he had. And Fahz knew that Del loved JD still, the same way he had before knowing the truth about Settlement Two and after the Hammer of Dawn incident. Despite their mutual fallout, JD had been honest about his own feelings as well. And Fahz had found himself unexpectedly amendable, upon finding out that JD’s heart had enough space for them both.

They’d even planned to talk with Del about it, after the Vasgari desert mission, but they had ran out of time.

JD had.

Feeling the treacherous sting of tears, Fahz shut his eyes tightly, willing himself to calm down and focus. He had a job to do. Emotions had to wait, they would only get in his way now. Why had he been so good at putting them on the back-burner in the past, but couldn’t right now, when he needed to the most?

_‘He could still be alive.’_ Baird’s hurried confession had been the thing to thrown him off-kilter, as if a giant hand had reached through the nothingness and tilted the world off its axis.

Fahz didn’t know what nanotechnology Baird spoke of, neither thought he was in the right mind to understand at the time, not when the only thing which mattered was that ‘could’. He knew enough about Baird’s genius when it came to technology to take his words at face value, to read the uncertain urgency in his body language. To see the battlefield through the waning strength of his voice.

The flame of that possibility, weak and flickering between hope and despair, was what had him push on through the darkness ahead. Uncaring of anything but what was at the end of it.

Lost in thought, he almost missed it. A split-second reflection of light where it shouldn’t have been, Dave’s warning beep much too late, hadn’t Fahz already pointed the gun forth and pulled the trigger.

The shot was deafening in the narrow space, sound reverberating through the long tunnel. The sharp, burning smell of gunpowder was nearly suffocating, but Fahz paid it no mind, eyes straining to catch any motion, pinpricks of light still flashing in his retinas.

Soon enough he saw it, a second form moving forth silently. Hand steady, he took another shot and the giant leech was down, motionless, followed by another, and another. Bits of gore had splattered all over the tunnel; the sharp teeth, the moist, pink flesh standing nightmarishly out of place against the dark stone. Everything fell still as he counted in his mind. One bullet left.

_‘Fahz, what’s going on?!’_ Even Marcus’s rough voice sounded muted, but was it because of the radio or his own ears ringing, Fahz couldn’t say.

“I’m balls-up in those bloody leeches, that’s what!” Without taking his eyes off the tunnel ahead, Fahz reached for the spare ammo clip in his belt, and flipped them quickly, grinning at the reassuring click as he reloaded. Knife held down in his other hand, he breathed heavily, waiting. “Not a flock, hopefully, or I’m ten ways of fucked and neither is the nice sort.”

_‘Use Dave’s pulse to see if there’s any more.’_ Baird said next, though by the bot’s resounding beep Fahz could guess he’d already sent the command himself. _‘They must’ve slithered through one of these cracks in the wall up ahead. Can’t see any more on the scan, but be mindful of them regardless.’_

“Yeah, got it.” Fahz felt a drop of sweat run down his temple despite the cool temperature in the tunnel. Gritting his teeth, he kept crawling forth, careful not to slip on the remains of the leeches.

One of these catching him off-guard would’ve been enough to kill him. He’d seen it happen in the past months already, the poor bastards who’d been bled dry with a giant tear in their throats, dead before their bodies hit the ground.

‘Not gonna be one of them’. He told himself, keeping track of the bot’s movements and occasionally sending a pulse command to check the new parts of the tunnel. The gurney and duffel bag dragging behind him were enough to grate on his nerves. He didn’t know if leeches could even hear, but he didn’t much fancy finding out.

Yet the bulky cargo, uncomfortably sliding along with the tunnel’s steeper descend downwards, was not expendable. If, and that’s the big if, Baird ended up being right about JD, he had to bring him back without worsening his injuries. And there was absolutely no space to just carry him over his shoulders instead either. 

“Dave, how much further?” Fahz finally asked. Having to crawl through the claustrophobic dark, and with adrenaline still pumping through his veins after the leech encounter, he’d completely lost track of how much time he’d been in the tunnel for.

The path Dave had mapped out on its previous solo course flashed on his arm pad, and Fahz saw that he was practically there already. The larger area should have been just after the immediate reach of Dave’s light beam, and Fahz slowed down. Holstering his knife back so that at least one of his hands was free, he explored the ground ahead with greater care, mindful of any gaps. He didn’t know how far down the opening went, and hoped not only for his own sake, that it wouldn’t be more than a couple of meters tall at most.

“Guys, I’m almost there. Going down now.” He radioed back once he saw that the tunnel ended merely couple of feet above the ground. Another pulse reassured him that there were no enemies lurking in the larger space.

_‘Keep your head down and watch your step. That whole place is likely unstable.’_ It was Carmine who replied, and Fahz took his words to heart. From the bot’s perspective, the place had seemed rather open, but seeing with his own eyes had him realize the error in scale.

He no longer had to crawl, but could only walk almost bent in half. Even so, the ground was covered in rubble, twisted rebar poking through chunks of concrete. On one occasion he had to crawl under a giant steel support beam, its circumference bigger than a large tree trunk.

“No wonder there’s a gap in here. These things must’ve held it up.” He muttered to himself, looking at the other beam, laid across diagonally over the one he’d just went under. It’s other end disappeared deep in the ground. And that is where Fahz saw him.

Laid on a slope of concrete, almost as if in effigy. The fine coating of dust that had settled all over giving him the disposition of a marble statue, an ancient king laid to rest in a cradle of darkness.

But Fahz knew better, gritting his teeth as he fell on his knees next to JD’s still form.

“Baird!” His voice was gravelly despite the volume. “There’s no way… No way he’s…”

_‘Fahz, calm down. IRIS’ data shows that the nanites are still functioning…They just… Work differently than how a body does on its own.’_ Baird’s tone was placating, his voice cutting from the radio static.

“For heaven’s sake there’s a giant piece of rebar stuck in him!” Fahz shouted back in disregard, his voice breaking. “It’s gone through his chest plate too.”

_‘Remove it. And the armor. The nanites will handle that wound for now too.’_ The pain in Baird’s voice was clear, but he continued despite it. _‘Look, can you move him? Is there anything else getting in the way?’_

“I don’t know, there’s—there’s that large block of concrete over his legs that we saw on Dave’s camera feed too.” Fahz pushed at it fruitlessly, biting his lip. He kept glancing at JD’s face, his frozen features too still to warrant the guise of sleep. And yet Fahz caught himself thinking he’s waiting for JD to wake up, to open his eyes any moment now.

It was terrifying, more so than any Swarm horror he’d had to fight so far. In an entirely different way, because most of all Fahz was actually fearing that JD wasn’t going to wake up ever again.

That he’d never see the brilliant blue of his eyes in the morning, the vulnerable, tender side of him Fahz had got to know in the past month. Neither the fearless, single-minded destructive energy with which he threw himself into battle, the brutal efficiency of his kills whenever the swarm got too close and they fought back to back, keeping each other alive amidst ground soaked with blood.

_‘Try lifting it using the car jacks, but look for the point where the slab is held on something else; the ground or other debris. That will serve as leverage, if you can put the jacks on its opposite side.’_ Focusing on Baird’s words was difficult, but Fahz willed himself to try harder. He’d come this far after all.

“I think I see a place they’ll fit under. But I’ll still have to drag him through, there’s a giant steel beam less than a foot above the ground there.” Fahz wasted no time before placing the car jacks, and began cranking both of them so that the lift was even.

Initially nothing bulged, but ever so slowly, the concrete plate began lifting.

_‘Just do it carefully, displacing the rubble can make a secondary collapse.’_ Marcus said, though Fahz really didn’t need the reminder. With concrete dust parching the back of his throat, and the darkness all around where Dave’s beam couldn’t reach, he knew one wrong step could make this place his own tomb as well.

‘At least we’d be together.’ He quickly banished the thought, the muscles on his arms straining with the effort to get at least a bit more leeway from the car jacks, but the weight of the concrete was too great.

Pausing, he decided to try getting JD out at this stage.

His unresponsive body was heavy, and made even more difficult to move due to the bulky armor. Taking his knife out, Fahz began cutting the straps off, shifting the twisted metal on his legs away as much as he could until it finally made enough space. Wrangling JD’s body free from the concrete was a short relief however.

“Goddammit.” Running a hand over his head, Fahz took his glasses off. Cleaning them against his equally stained shirt gave him just enough time to get himself back together.

_‘Fahz, what happened?’_ Marcus’ worried voice reminded him the radio was still broadcasting openly.

Swallowing hard, Fahz was glad that they hadn’t established a video link with Dave this time around.

“His leg. There’s… A lot of damage.” ‘Putting it lightly, way to go Fahz’, he thought to himself. JD’s left leg was entirely severed from the knee up; though he could see the rest of the leg still under the concrete.

_‘Just wrap up everything you see tightly, and hurry up. We’ll deal with it here.’_ Baird interrupted before anyone could ask details, and Fahz felt equally annoyed as he did grateful. He suddenly didn’t want to be there when both Marcus and Baird saw JD again.

_‘Iris just warned me that the weather sensors are picking up signs of a windflare forming. You need to get him to us ASAP, this is our only chance. Fahz, if we don’t recharge the nanites now, it’s over.’_

“Got it.” All he could do was follow the instructions then. And try to believe the madness that any of this was about to be reversible.

Reaching under the concrete as much as he could, he cut off the last straps on JD’s armor and took out the leg. Next came up the chest plate. The sound which the rebar made as he removed it from JD’s body was certainly going to haunt his nightmares for a long time.

‘I’m sorry… I’m so sorry.’ He whispered as he bandaged up the damage, and carefully moved JD onto the open gurney. His hand left a line of dark blood on his cheek as he brushed it over his eyes, wanting nothing more but to sit and weep like a child scared of the dark.

But he couldn’t. Not now. They didn’t have the time.

Leaning down, he placed a feather-light kiss on JD’s forehead, trying to will his trembling lips to smile.

“It’s time to go home.”


	3. Lucky number three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hands up for the comic relief chapter.  
> (Jokes aside tho, it was all in the Ineffable Plan.)
> 
> Jack lives! 
> 
> If you can notice the “subtle” Fahz/Del undertones, then good. I’m working towards an OT3 path, but that’s gonna take a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also the process of writing Fahz includes tossin’ British slang here and there and hoping it’s passable. I love his in-game voice, but boi, is it hard to write.  
> My one style: retrospection, it seems.

The needle passing through his skin was no more than a distant tug and pinch, the anesthetic numbing the pain down, giving it the same muted feel as the world around him.

Fahz realized that was likely the concussion, but he found himself cherishing the sensation. He didn’t have to think, his mind observing each thought and image with no greater urgency that it would give to clouds passing in the sky.

“What were you doing out there, so long after the windflare warning anyways?” The words reached him through the haze and he tried to gather the strength necessary to focus. Del’s beautiful face currently carried a frown, which had Fahz think that it has taken him longer to formulate a response that he thought.

“Had a job t’ do. Couldn’t really leave it unfinished.” He looked down at his arm, the long gash in his bicep partially sewn together, the neat row of black stitches evoking a feeling somewhat both satisfying and repulsing, that had his stomach flip. The exposed part of the wound was deep, but no longer bled, and the orderly layers of flesh within it vaguely reminded him of the leeches he’d destroyed earlier.

“You were lucky that Jack was out there to get you back inside.” Del continued his work, speaking tersely. “Man, I still don’t get how did that even work.”

“Don’t ask me. Must be Baird’s doing.” Fahz caught himself staring at Del, unwilling to give his own wound any further observation, feeling momentarily ashamed at having compared the similarities between his body and the swarm.

“But he looked human, just like you and me.” Casting a glance over his shoulder, Del almost sounded apprehensive to keep talking. “And now he’s nowhere to be found. Much like Baird himself.”

“I mean, he did well so it’s not like it matters where he’d went. I doubt he’d cause trouble, he’s probably back to a recharge station or something.” Despite feigning ignorance, Fahz couldn’t forget his own reaction at seeing Jack’s new form for the first time. Maybe it was the circumstance which made an impression, but in either case being saved by a nearly certain death did make for one hell of an introduction.

Just when he’d thought that this was it, that he was going to die few meters away from the safety of the windflare walls, the truck slammed into it by a wayward gush of wind, upturned on its roof. The driver’s side moments away from being turned into a can of sardines, black spots dancing in his vision, paralyzing pain running through him.

And just like that, in the next instant the car had been flipped back on its wheels in a singular, vertigo-inducing motion. The door on his side being ripped away from its hinges with a terrible shrieking of torn metal, and the tallest Gear he’d ever seen taking him out of the seat as if he weighted nothing himself.

Fahz thought he’d passed out for a while, because the next thing he’d seen was Marcus, Baird and Carmine leaning over him, shouting at each other and holding a bloodied up bandage pack at his forehead. The unknown gear was holding one end of the gurney he was laid on, while Carmine had the other.

“Jack, Clay, take him to the infirmary. And tell no one about what we’re doing, ok?” Despite looking roughened up himself, Baird had managed to keep his tone authoritative. “Marcus, you’re coming with me. We need to take JD to the lab before Jinn gets a word of this.” And with that, they’d parted ways, leaving Fahz to try and pinpoint why the giant man called Jack gave him such uncanny valley vibes.

It wasn’t until a while later, when a doctor was running a CT scan of his brain, and Fahz had the time to think while staring at the inside of the machine, its ceiling a shade of almost unnatural white, that things clicked up.

The faint blue glow of his eyes, the strange barcode-like indentation over one brow, along with the number three. Things he’d subconsciously noticed on the DB’s but never paid any mind to; as the details of the robots mattered little to him.

But give those details to a person, and they stood out like a bull in a pastry shop.

Once the doc had cleared him, having dismissed any possibility of a bleeding in his brain, Fahz had found himself sitting on a gurney in packed corridor. The amount of people in need of medical attention everywhere had made him realize the search and rescue teams must’ve returned as well, likely while he’d still been dragging JD’s body back through that tunnel.

He’d been able to hear the thunder reverberating through it, along with the distant sound of gunfire.

A flock had attacked, wiping out the small DB squad they’d left to guard the truck, then reached Delta’s position. Luckily, (and Fahz realized that Lady Luck had indeed been on their side in more ways than not in those wretched hours) by the time he’d gotten out the Flock had been taken care of, and everyone in Delta was none the worse for wear.

Baird had connected his backpack-turned-impromptu power bank to JD’s arm, and they had carried him to the truck, heavy raindrops cascading into a downpour over them in a matter of minutes.

“Ever outran a windflare?” Marcus had asked just before Fahz had been about to get in the driver’s seat.

“Not really, not with a truck that is. But we had a couple of close calls on a skiff and whatnot.” Close calls was one way of saying it. If he ever saw another fulgurite (somehow Del’s description of them had stuck) formation in his life, or just a desert for that matter, it would’ve been too soon.

“Well, then we’re about to find out. Because that ain’t getting out of the way, no matter how nicely we ask.” Marcus had gone in the back of the truck this time around, next to Baird and Carmine. But Fahz knew he’d done it for a much different reason than the colossal swirling of storm clouds up ahead.

It was because JD was laid back there, hastily secured to the gurney, caught in a state between life and death according to Baird’s words.

And so, Fahz had driven onward, towards the fortified city, towards the heart of the storm.

It was always different, seeing the windflares from the secure heart of the city, kept safe behind steel and fortified glass.

But out here, in the dark, struggling to steer the 4x4 truck as it twisted and turned underneath him like a wild animal, avoiding the water flooding the streets and the lightning strikes falling down like spears all around him, Fahz knew that nature was unforgiving, uncaring of the deeds of men, which for it were nothing but a speck of dust in the wind.

One wrong turn, and their mission could be over, along with their lives.

Was it worth it? Undoubtedly.

Would Fahz do it again if he was given the choice, against the same odds? Without a second thought.

The security of the city’s walls had come to be by that same reckless drive, one man’s ideas against the most destructive and unpredictable forces out there. If civilization could reach this present state, after starting from nothing, for twenty five years, then Fahz was going to make sure JD was given the same chance.

He was going to believe that if they reached the city, then he could see him – living and breathing again.

And all of that had led him to this current moment. To sitting with his back pressed against the corridor’s wall, Del wrapping up his arm with a tight bandage. Speaking of their shared realization that the little bot that had been with Delta squad long before they were born, which hours ago had also single-mindedly decided to save everyone by becoming a targeting beacon for the Hammer of Dawn and destroying the Kraken, was now something else entirely.

Carmine had went away a while back, in response of the loudspeaker call for blood donors. So Jack had been the one to find Del amidst the mass of people and bring him to Fahz, who’d sat in a daze with his injured arm still untended for.

He’d not spoken a word, but sent a brief explanation on Del’s data pad instead. The one on Fahz’s forearm had been cracked during the crash, the screen black and unresponsive.

|We meet again, Delta. No, Delmont and Fahz. I’m sure you can guess who am I.

After all, we went on a lot of missions together in the past few months.|

At that, Fahz had watched Del’s expression change with realization.

“No way… Jack?!”

Considering Fahz himself had taken a gander at the possibility, with a mild concussion and all, Del putting two and two together so quickly came as no surprise.

|Truly, I was also not expecting the last-minute attempt at creating a back up of the old JACK logical core to be successful. And this interface is certainly different, but it was the only one with sufficient memory capacity available on-site at the lab.

There’s a bit of a learning curve, but it is certainly an upgrade to my previous unit.|

Fahz had almost laughed at the moment in which Jack decided to emphasize the text he’d sent by flexing his huge arms. Whatever Baird had brewing in his lab for the next generation of DB’s left little doubt in Fahz’s mind that the man was an artist, in his own way.

“Yeah Jack, that’s definitely a whole lotta dishy new hardware you got there.” Considering he’d got his ass saved by the bot—man(?), Fahz tried to be supportive, as much as he could. “Del just needs a while to take it all in, you know. Needs to process it and all.”

|I certainly hope you’ll be amendable to this change then, Del. You were so encouraging of my functions as a teammate so far, and now I can continue being of service.

However, due to his recent collision with a windflare, Fahz is in need of medical attention right now, which you’re able to provide. I won’t be in the way.|

“Yeah… I’ll do that then, aye.” Del had watched Jack walk away, absentmindedly holding a medkit. “So that’s that, huh. Suppose he’s really been around long enough to basically turn AI, with Baird tinkering about with him all this time…”

“Mhmm…” Shutting his eyes against the too-bright lights in the corridor, Fahz had felt himself dazing off.

“Hey, no falling asleep now. I see that head injury.” Shaking him up, Del had moved closer, the proximity of his worried face surprising Fahz, who wasn’t sure if he was supposed to think of something else to say in turn. “Someone’s supposed to be monitoring you, but all the staff’s busy. I’ll stay though, no worries. And yeah damn, that arm definitely needs taking care of.”

Transfixed by the tiny details on Del’s face, Fahz had wordlessly let him take off the bloodied bandage, and do what else needed to follow. He tried to remember if he’d ever had the chance to observe Del’s features so leisurely, to note his long eyelashes, the barely-there dark freckles dotted over his nose. The faint scar where his eyebrow rings used to be before he’d returned to active duty, the few thin lines which hadn’t been there months ago.

He was beautiful, but much like himself, if Fahz could guess, looked weary and bone-tired. That sort of fatigue which wasn’t just of the physical kind.

Almost too late, he’d remembered Baird’s warning. _‘Tell no one._ ’ The words had been on his tongue, but Fahz bit them back. For now, at least.

He had no idea if the faint hope which had taken hold within him wasn’t about to be uprooted because of the crash. He hadn’t seen the state of JD’s body after, and decided that his own condition currently wasn’t the most fit for revelations of this kind.

Lest Del thinks of it as just ramblings due to the concussion, delirium of a broken, grieving man.

So when Del offered them to go somewhere else than the overcrowded infirmary wing, Fahz simply nodded and leaned on him for support. Del had picked his own quarters as a place for them to rest at, and Fahz was grateful.

He wasn’t sure if he would’ve had had the strength to return to the dorm he’d shared with JD again, couldn’t bear to see it empty once more. Just as they had left it before going to Vasgar; on the messier side, with no clear parts of it being his or JD’s – it had been _theirs_. The little things belonging to either, shared or borrowed, the clothes and magazines and games strewn around.

“Here now, let’s take these off, carefully.” Del’s gentle voice roused him away from his thoughts yet again, and Fahz went along, clumsily helping the hands that were pulling his stained t-shirt off. He did the boots and pants on his own, and for the first time since the crash, noticed the persistent ache in his right hip and thigh.

A giant blue-purple bruise the size of his palm blossomed right above the connection area of his prosthetic leg. He suddenly couldn’t wait to take it off, hoping it would be enough to relieve the strain some.

“I can help you to the shower, if you’d like.” Del had just taken off his own armor, but was still clothed as he stood in front of him with an uncertain expression. “Or, get you a towel or something.”

Only then Fahz noted that he was indeed positively covered in grime from crawling through the tunnel, his hair and beard caked in dried blood from his injuries. Groaning, he decided that he was definitely taking Del up on his offer.

“A shower for me, mate, if you will.” Running a hand over his face, he sighed. “Oh bugger, I smashed through another pair of glasses too, didn’t I?” If he wasn’t too tired to feel embarrassment, Fahz certainly would have, simply at the amount of time which had taken him to realize that his blurry vision was not due to his head injury at all. And the missing weight on the bridge of his nose corresponded precisely to a pair of missing frames.

But the only other spares were in his locker, all the way in the basement. Getting them now was the last thing of his priority list.

“Let’s go then, it’s no big deal. And I gotta make sure you don’t pass out in there.” Del offered him a hand again, and Fahz took it, limping alongside him to the small adjacent bathroom.

The hot water felt good against his knit-up muscles, working on relieving over a day’s worth of tension. For a long while, he just stood under the spray, content with letting it run over his body, unwilling to make the effort of actually scrubbing himself clean just yet.

“There’s room for two, if y’wanna save time.” He quipped, looking at Del from the corner of his eye. But he wasn’t entirely certain if it came out as a joke, his low voice having taken on a questioning tone instead.

“Yeah? Might just.” Del replied from his place leaned-up on the sink, head titling to the side.

Fahz swallowed hard as watched Del take off his shirt, the muscles on his chest rippling with the motion. The fight hadn’t spared him either however, and Fahz was almost certain that the darker shade on the side of his ribs was a bruise.

It served as a momentary distraction, before he saw Del undress further, soon standing completely bared.

Communal showers were a thing in the COG, both in the academy and later on, and they were present in the gym too. But Fahz had no qualms about the obvious difference here right now. Not when Del stepped under the water too, their chests nearly brushing together, closer than even the small space warranted for.

“Umm…” Cursing himself internally, Fahz hoped Del wouldn’t take this as a rebuttal, or a reason to leave. Whatever was happening right now, felt like it should have. But they both stood in silence for a long while instead. 

Eventually, Fahz took the closest bottle on the rack, looking away as he began to clean himself. His bandaged up arm was basically useless, but he could make do with one regardless.

Del did the same, but after another long moment caught his gaze again. This close, Fahz could see more clearly.

“Turn around, let me get your back.” And so Fahz did, a barely-there shiver running through him the moment Del’s hands met his skin.

His touch was light, and true to his words – effective at cleaning him up. Before he could stop himself, Fahz leaned back just a little bit, felt both of Del’s palms come to rest up on his waist, holding him steady. His own hand found one of them, covering it, keeping it there.

“Del, I—“ Voice rough, Fahz realized he didn’t know what to say. More? Or was he seeing something which wasn’t even there?

“Shh, it’s ok. I got you.” Del’s words were close, barely above a whisper, his lips brushing against his ear. “I got you…”

Part of Fahz wanted more. And part of him wanted just this much, right now. Del must have too, as they stood pressed together in an embrace which raised a question to be answered at a different time.

Turning slightly, he reached up with his good arm, feeling the stubble on Del’s cheek and pulling him closer. Watching as Del closed his eyes, let himself be guided until their lips met in a slow kiss.

Feeling Del’s arms encircling his waist, hands following the groves of his chest, in a slow and thorough exploration, anchored Fahz to their here and now. Until he couldn’t think past the warmth of Del’s body, the heartbeat he felt against his back.

They were both tired, but only when Fahz almost drifted off in Del’s arms did he realize exactly how much he needed sleep.

“Alright, that’s plenty of playing in the water for us. Let’s go to bed, shall we?” Del’s tone was light, the corners of his lips curled in a small smile.

“Only if you insist.” Fahz sighed dramatically, before letting himself be hauled out of the shower, and accepting the large towel that Del wrapped around his shoulders.

He dried himself off quickly, and followed Del back to the room, where they sat side by side on the single bed. Yawning, Fahz pulled on the borrowed pair of sweatpants that Del threw his way, and tried his best to stretch without aggravating his wound and pulling any stitches.

“Now, you’re not the squeaky kind, I know that much.” He turned to look at Del, suddenly wishing he did actually have his glasses on this time around. “But bear in mind, I’m not sleeping with thirty pounds of metal on m’ leg, so I’m taking the prosthetic off. Just a heads up, some folk find it creepy.”

“Nah, it’s ok. Nothing to worry about here.” Del said simply, and moved to the inner half of the bed, his back against the wall. Fahz noticed he was favoring his bruised side.

“Good to hear.” He wasn’t babbling, it was only being polite to say something in turn. Or at least that’s what Fahz thought, as he did a quick work on the mechanism holding his leg in place, sighing with relief when it was finally off.

Pulling the covers on himself, he laid back as well, staring at the ceiling. There was a poster tacked up there, of a rock band that he was a fan of too.

“C’mere.” Del’s arm came to rest over his chest, and Fahz turned on towards him, returning the gesture. The only difference being that his own hand fell over Del’s hip instead, avoiding his inured side.

Neither said any more, but that was ok. Fahz could finally let himself sleep, pushing the worries and guilt away as best as he could.

Tomorrow he’d know more about whether or not Baird’s plan had worked out. And then he was going to tell Del about it, about JD. 

_Tomorrow._

* * *

***


	4. No more lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My inner Dr House fan is showing, I know.  
> A long medical chapter, secrets are revealed and there's drama.  
> Also, Garron Paduk's here

* * *

***

Looking at JD’s face under the harsh fluorescent lights made something in Baird’s chest tighten painfully. The white light made every cut and bruise stand out, redness and fine blood vessels under skin the color of wax.

For anyone else, the image it painted would’ve left no doubt to his state. Even knowing what he did, Baird found himself resting his hands on the steel table for support, momentarily losing equilibrium. Trying to even out his breathing, he reminded himself of what was at stake. Not that he could think of anything else, with his child’s body laid prone and mangled before him.

But that was exactly why he had to create a mental distance between his heart and mind right now, and call on all those years of skills, some of which he’d developed in ways he didn’t wish to dwell on at this moment.

Casting a glance at his side, he watched Marcus’ silent form; still like a statue before the operating table. He hadn’t as much as uttered a word since they’d entered the lab, his stoic expression wearing thin under the enormous weight of his grief.

That nearly insane belief he’d shown Baird hours ago, seemed to be waning when faced with the reality of JD’s state. And honestly, Baird couldn’t blame him.

Earlier, he hadn’t really had the chance to explain a lifetime of work into few hurried sentences. So a lot of how and why the nanites came to be was still all in his own head. And so were the ways he’d tested them, which all differed from the current situation. Yet he’d learned a lot, and that knowledge gave him the strength to face what was in store for the next hours, and the grueling amount of work about to be undertaken. Marcus could only rely on blind faith alone.

But first, there were some things that needed to be settled.

Walking the few short steps which separated him from Marcus, he paused before him, waiting to catch his gaze.

“You don’t have to be here for what will follow. No actually, you don’t want to be, believe me.” He spoke softly, without a trace of condescendence. Caressing Marcus’ face, he struggled to continue as their eyes met, pushing on through a storm of pain, voice falling to a whisper. “Seeing will just hurt you even more.”

“I’m staying.” Marcus’ tone was unyielding, his gravelly voice – unwavering. “He’s my son. I’ll be here for him, no matter what.”

“Alright…” Baird signed, rubbing his eyes, tired but already thinking several steps ahead of what he had to do. “I know I can’t change your mind about it. But I’ll need you to get something while I prepare the equipment.”

“Just tell me what.” Contrary to his words, Marcus’ hand fell on the table, just an inch away from JD’s head. As if even that peripheral connection would keep him grounded, could stop anything from putting distance between them again.

“We’re going to need blood. Lots of blood.” Baird pulled a knee-high box cart from under a counter, its plastic white walls marked with a refrigeration symbol. “Doesn’t matter what kind, anything they got. Most of it is going to be transfused as plasma, and the rest which fits his type, directly. The nanites have kept working with what they had, but he’s lost a lot despite of them sealing the wounds.”

“I’ll go to the infirmary and the temporary outposts.” Marcus took the cart, but paused as Baird began rummaging in another locker.

“Take your armor off, and wear these.” He gave him a package of scrubs, including a surgical cap. “No one’s going to ask too much questions that way. If they do, just say it’s requested by doctor Cohen.”

“Got it. I’ll be back as soon as possible.” With that, Marcus left the prep room, dragging the large cooler box out as well.

Left alone with JD, Baird let his shoulders sag, shutting his eyes against the tears which threatened to spill over. Teeth grinding, he began unbuckling his own armor, pulling each weighty piece off, uncaring where they fell.

This room was meant as a pre-op, where he could get JD and himself ready for the actual surgical site. Due to the nanites’ functions, he wasn’t worried about infection, as they technically took over the body’s own immune system. And yet the hours between their activation and now had likely not been kind on the resources within JD’s body, as there was more to the process than bioelectrical energy.

To repair any damage or keep a body in a state of rest, without the organs and tissues suffering decay, required the same things cells used on their own; and at an artificially accelerated pace, that could cause a rapid imbalance in the complex system which every living creature comprised of.

Glancing at the screen of the bulky battery pack crudely connected to JD’s arm as a singular source of transformable energy that the nanites could recharge from, Baird cursed internally. He was going to need more power, again. A steady supply of it, a generator.

And the white blood cell count in JD’s body had gotten even lower than before. However, he couldn’t do anything about that before Marcus brought back the blood banks.

Quickly hooking him up to an IV to replenish at least some lost liquids, Baird began working on cutting off JD’s clothing. Once it was off along with the bandages Fahz had wrapped around his open injuries, Baird used a large device which sprayed vaporized mixture of antimicrobial solution used to sterilize patients on-site, ensuring a quick preparation before surgery.

He himself waked into a cabin which would serve the same function, once he’d taken all his own clothing off. While he’d helped develop that technology, most of it had been brought back from Vasgari scientists, who’d had the blueprints for it way before the Pendulum Wars.

It would’ve done a great deal of good during the Locust war, but Baird already knew the extent of resources which had been lost or misaligned by the COG’s generals. They had tried to haul most scientists to Azura to work on the Locust research, yeah; but thousands more had died as POW’s or on the battlefield, their basic skills as medics more valued than the global-scale inventions they could’ve offered if just given the right tools.

Pulling himself out of those thoughts as a loud beep signalized the completion of the cleaning procedure, Baird shook his head and pulled on his scrubs. Of all the research Adam Fenix had given him, there was one thing which stood out the most. The man was making weapons, he was creating means of destruction before anything else.

Could you save a world by burning it? The COG’s scorched land policy during the Locust war spoke volumes. They hadn’t been stopped by the Hammer of Dawn, which brought on more suffering even decades after its creator was long dead. The Lightmass Missile had been just as effective. And while their last stand at Azura and the Professor’s final creation had brought them twenty-five years, that was borrowed peace.

It was one which they now had to watch paid by their own children, in blood.

That was a path Damon Baird no longer wished to walk.

The nanites had been a secret, one well-kept, for he feared the use of them lest they fall into the wrong hands. And as the city his own robots had helped built desperately resisted the siege of the Swarm, Baird knew he’d made an error of judgment. For he had played like a child in a toy factory, making the shepherds of a budding society, AI’s and giant builder golems, but had nearly abandoned the only project which could possibly ensure their survival now.

Because for all the dreams of grandeur of the old Tyrus, massive fortresses and dams and cities built by kings and men, none had endured the onslaught of the monsters for long. They were nightmares, creatures made by madmen, relentless as they passed through steel and stone like acid corrosion.

So perhaps the only way onward, was for people to change too. To carry iron in their veins, and lightning in their hearts.

And as he wheeled JD through the sealed-off mid-point between the two rooms, the last decontamination zone, Baird found his thoughts turning back to Jack, to seeing him inhabit a body he had not lead him to. He had created it, of course, but it had been simply yet another idea, another way for him to find and fix a past mistake, a failure which had kept him awake at night for a long time.

But Jack had become a vector of success, a breakthrough which had Baird’s mind running through all the steps which needed to follow until he could see JD living and breathing again too.

Once they were both in the large OP room, Baird could finally survey the damage.

Not the one on his son, not yet.

But the large vertical tank which had contained unit 03, the DB prototype vessel that Jack had taken residence in, the glass front of it shattered clean through.

This part of the lab was shut off from the rest the moment Baird had gotten it, months ago. Up to their recent encounter, Jinn had never visited him in the dwelling she had personally appointed to him after the discovery of activity in the Locust burial sites.

So he had sealed off an entire section, creating a secure medical hub which had access credentials so strict, the system wouldn’t let anyone but him through.

And thus came the perks of having your own AI: the rest of the tower’s surveillance grid was blind to Baird’s little house of cards.

He’d kept it stocked just in case, and worked on the continued development of unit 03, a way for his mind to rest and change focus if he hit a snag in the rest of his work.

Yet that very same connection to IRIS had allowed Jack to find the vacant memory banks of the prototype, and initiate administrator access. His own weakness, really. He’d always given Jack his all – priding himself in knowing that there was little left in the outside world which could halt the bot’s capabilities of aiding Delta squad.

“The very first cardinal sin, if one was to believe this sort of talk.” Baird realized he’d spoken out loud when his voice echoed slightly in the enclosed space, returned to him by the tile-covered walls.

“I unlocked the doors for unit designation JACK, on his way out.” IRIS’s voice sounded through one of the speakers in the room. “Figured you’d appreciate that to him trying and likely succeeding to break through the walls.”

“Yeah Iris, that was solid thinking on your end.” After having positioned the gurney next to the surgical table in the center, Baird was already unhooking a tall structure previously connected to the empty tank by a plethora of soft tubes, valves and cables.

It was made of stainless steel, several large glass containers fitted in its core, along with a more complex filtration system and a portable generator.

“I guess nothing short of railgun fire would’ve stopped him had he gone batshit through that self-initiated transfer. In an entirely different system at that.” Baird didn’t feel like stopping the bite which seeped in his tone. The AI was perfectly able to capture the nuance at this point.

“I might have optimized the conversion some. All my server power under the mansion was idling for so long… This was a good exercise for the system.” IRIS quipped back, in a way truly fitting of her creator’s character.

“HA, ok that’s a good one.” Shaking his head, Baird tried to steer away from the memory of the data Jack had pulled from the research facility underneath mount Kadar. The last thing anyone needed right now was another mad AI, but hopefully a self-aware one wasn’t going to end the same way. “And Iris? Find Garron Paduk. Show him the way, and tell him we’re going to need an extra set of hands here.”

“Affirmative.” IRIS paused for a while, then continued. “He’ll be with you shortly.”

“Good. Once he’s in the prep-room, brief him up quickly, just so that he’s ready to work. I’ll do the rest of the explaining.” Baird muttered, focusing back on his current task. Paduk would undoubtedly have a ton of questions, but he also had the admirable quality of keeping any newly found, valuable information close to himself. And he was menacingly good with the scalpel, as Baird had found out in the past, which made him perfect for the task.

Once he’d wrangled the bio-support system free from the tank, he dragged it next to the surgical table, allowing himself to survey JD’s injuries with a more critical eye in order to find the best way to hook him up to the device.

It wasn’t built with this sort of open connection in mind; all previous prototypes have had designated access ports. JD’s biomechanical arm offered some leeway, but the Brachial artery would be inefficient in supplying an uninhibited flow to and from his whole body optimally.

The portable x-ray was Baird’s next step, offering him a more clear view to the internal damage JD had suffered.

As he looked through the plaques, he cursed under his breath. He was seeing a lot more trauma than what he’d initially estimated, some of in undoubtedly worsened by the crash right at the gates of New Ephyra, despite that the straps holding JD’s gurney had lasted and kept him somewhat secure.

Just as he was putting on his glasses, looking closer at one of the over-exposed pictures (the nanites in JD’s body made the xray shots glow nearly iridescent, his bones barely brighter than the rest of his flesh) trying to see how many fragments there were, the mid-section room’s light activated.

He glanced at it, reassured to see it was Marcus who had entered and was standing through the decontamination procedure, the medical crate alongside him.

But in his mind, a clock was ticking. Even with the nanties and a proper power supply, JD didn’t have unlimited time.

“Got it?” He asked straight away as Marcus entered, the hermetic double doors sealing behind him.

“Crate’s full, yeah. But it took me a while. There’s been a high demand.” He sounded weary, and Baird remembered the numbers which IRIS had kept updating on the terminal back in the main control station. Casualties. Injured citizens, both civilians and military. The count staggering enough to bring back the painful, shocking memories of E-Day, of watching each TV channel broadcast the same dreadful, insanely catastrophic fatality rate as civilization crumbled within hours.

“You’ve done well then, finding this much.” Quickly closing the lid of the crate after checking it, Baird pushed it to the bio-support machine. “You have to help me move JD to the table before I can hook him up to this.”

That was easier said than done, considering the numerous injuries they had to be mindful of. But in the end they did it. Baird’s heart sunk as he watched Marcus stand motionless for a long moment, staring at JD’s still body. 

Bare against the cold steel of the table, he seemed even more vulnerable; miles, no, whole light years away were the days in which Baird would put a band-aid on little James’ scrapped knees, talk sweet nothings to him as Marcus brushed away his tears.

Any words he could have said now were painfully stuck in his throat as he loaded the blood banks into the machine and turned it on, the low whirl of the fans mixing with the steady thumping noise of the generator. Placing his surgical tools on a trolley next to the operating table, Baird glanced at Marcus, who had leaned on one of the cabinets – close enough to help if called, but far enough not to get in the way. He was focused on JD, his face weary and exhausted.

The light on the decontamination section lit up again, and IRIS informed him that Paduk had arrived. Marcus made a noise of surprise, but didn’t ask.

“Alright then, means we can finally start.” True to Baird’s words, Paduk entered in the next moment.

Despite wearing full scrubs, Baird could see him size up the room in a silent question, before meeting his eyes.

“So, I heard you’ve got work for me.” Paduk began with his characteristic drawl, but stopped abruptly as he caught a sight of JD’s face, recognition flashing in his eyes.

_‘Here come the questions.’_ Baird thought, mentally preparing himself to rush through the explanation. But surprisingly enough, Paduk remained silent, looking from the table, to Marcus and then back to Baird.

“Let’s get to it then.” Paduk said simply, walking closer and quickly examining the array of tools before looking over JD’s body with an experienced eye. “Though you’ll have to tell me what I’ll have to do here first.”

“The moment I connect him to this machine, the pressure in his veins will return, and so will the arterial flow. Our first job is to make sure he doesn’t bleed it all out.” Baird tried to keep any emotion out of his voice, and nearly succeeded. This wasn’t the first time he and Paduk would work side by side like this, and taking the lead was no different than when he’d been Paduk’s Lieutenant, back in Halvo Bay.

The bio-support machine was already separating the plasma, and mixing it with a conductive electrolyte solution Baird had created to aid the nanites during the creation of prototype 03. There was an additional batch of nanites in it too, to support those already in JD’s body and replenish any lost ones. They were about to synchronize automatically once they passed through the last exit port in the machine.

And so came the delicately timed task of making sure the mixture of them didn’t leave JD’s body through his injuries, and instead was able to circulate back through the machine, relieving strain from his organs and allowing the nanites to focus on negating any currently present and newly forming trauma.

“I’d start with the leg, you get his chest open. Those seem to be the weakest zones.” Paduk was already reaching for the tools he’d need, assured in his competency despite the unique scenario presented in front of him. Baird had always respected that particular practical quality of his.

Still, he had to will himself to look away from the tourniquet Paduk placed above the cut area, trusting him to do the grueling work of reconnecting JD’s severed limb.

And his own job was no easier, especially as he gave the screen with the xrays another glance. The damage on JD’s chest was severe, the large laceration from the rebar being the least of his worries. The ribs on his right side were shattered so badly, Baird knew the bone was beyond even the nanites’ ability to repair.

He had to get rid of the fragments, but firstly locate and suture any open veins or arteries.

As he cut across JD’s chest, peeling the layers of flesh aside, he felt himself zone out. Still hyper focused on the task, but all sounds around him became distant and muted. The snap of bone as he cut through it, evening out the edges, freeing torn muscle from it. The slow beeps of the machine next to him, the clang of his tools on the tray as he switched between a variety of them.

Finally, he had sutured all vein lacerations he could see, and cast a glance in Paduk’s direction.

“Almost there, when it comes to the arteries at least.” Despite looking down at his hands, Paduk had somehow sensed the shift of Baird’s attention, perhaps deducing it from the sudden quiet. “You can connect your device. But be prepared, there’s likely more damage we haven’t found yet.”

“Got it.” Baird began by creating the first connective venflon – to the vena cava, and then a couple more to the subclavian veins, all of those leaving a clear work area to JD’s neck, which had also suffered damage they needed to address.

Once that was done, it was finally time to get the bio-support system operational. Connecting it to JD was relatively quick, and then Baird was left to anxiously watch the monitor describing the nanites’ activity, the biochemical mark up of JD's blood and the flow of the solution through his body.

It seemed unobstructed, a testament to the work the nanites were doing to prevent blood cloths and collapses.

Even Paduk had taken a momentarily pause, observing the machine’s action and the readings on the screen. However, his attention was diverted quickly.

“Baird, get a move on. There’s a puncture in his aorta.” Luckily, they had direct access to it, JD’s chest still open after Baird’s earlier ministrations. Paduk deftly sutured the cut, stopping the bleeding. Looking at Baird, he spoke with his usual, somewhat callous tone. “Either I’ve gotten better at this, or there’s more than his body and me at work here.”

“There is, and I promise to give you all the state’s secrets, but only after we’re done.” Baird snapped right back, but quickly wound down with a heavy sigh. “Look, he’ll heal significantly faster than anything you’ve seen. The tissue will close together with minimal to no scarring. Work with this in mind, can you?”

“Whatever you say, Baird. I can get his leg in one piece again, and you can close off his chest with half his ribs gone. Still, tell me how exactly will this help him, if all that’s keeping him alive, is a machine?” Paduk asked, returning to his spot next to JD’s thigh.

Taking a look around them, at the plethora of bloodied dressings and tools strewn around, under the strong heat of the surgical lamp above them, and with JD’s body open before them, Baird felt a second away from breaking down.

But then his gaze landed on Marcus, who had stood silently throughout the whole ordeal, his eyes never leaving JD’s form on the operating table, his face hidden under the mask. It was all Baird needed to see in order to get his bearings back under control.

“It isn’t just this machine which keeps him alive. There’s a lot more to it, that you can’t see with naked eye.” Returning to his work, carefully removing each bone fragment from JD’s chest, Baird continued with nearly reverent tone. “We can restart his heart. We will restart it. Later, when we’ve made sure his body can handle it.”

“Can’t say this will be the first time I’ve followed your orders blindly.” Paduk responded, not missing a beat. “And usually, you haven’t disappointed. Let’s hope this will be one of those cases.”

“It will be.” Baird’s tone was finite; he couldn’t bring himself to think of what if’s right now. So he did another x-ray, meticulously ensured all bone fragments were gone, and any rips – closed, already on their way to being repaired by the nanites.

“Iris, I’ll need parts. Ribs, to be precise. I’ll find a way to connect them to the rest of his ribcage. And we’ll need C3, C4 and T9 vertebrae for later.”

“There’s still an array of osmium-plated steel bones you made for prototype 03.” As IRIS spoke, a tall cabinet on one wall opened automatically, revealing multiple glass compartments inside it. “However, the only available vertebrae are the ones from the Carlos case.”

The scalpel he’d held a moment ago slipped from his hand, clanging loudly on the steel tray. If he could, Baird wished to curse IRIS in all the dialects of Tyrus, along with however much Gorasnyan he knew. Hell, a couple of Islander swear words he hadn’t thought of for decades also rose in his memory. Hearing Marcus’ sharp intake of breath behind him, Baird rushed to speak.

“I’ll look through what we got then Iris, thank you.” His voice overly heavy with pretend gratitude, Baird thanked his stars that his back was turned at Marcus. What was that AI even thinking, now of all possible times.

“You’ve kept those, after all this time?” However, it seemed that it was Paduk’s turn to unknowingly torture Baird next, the surprise in his tone leaving no room to avoid the question. “I thought your… experiment had been a failure.”

“It was.” Breathing deeply through his nose, Baird reminded himself that his hands were currently covered in blood and he couldn’t rub his eyes, despite feeling increasingly antsy with anxiety. Paduk glanced at him and Baird tried to wordlessly convey as to how monumentally bad time it was to have that particular conversation.

Just as it seemed that Paduk had taken the hint and he felt himself unwind some, Marcus’ gravelly voice sounded through the room.

“And what exactly was that experiment of yours?” Asking the question Baird dreaded the most.

Going to the open cabinet and surveying the tags on each shelf gave him a much needed moment to choose his next words. Once he had the necessary artificial rib bones and several attachment clamps, Baird returned to the table, still not looking at Marcus directly.

“One of my earliest tests on the still prototype-stage nanites. It didn’t yield the desired results, I recycled what I could. That’s about the gist of it.” Starting to drill better fittings for the clamps which would hold the artificial ribs inside JD’s chest, Baird tried to sound indifferent. “That was almost thirty years ago anyways. I’ve improved the nanites substantially since, and they’ve already proven effective.”

“So Paduk knew about this project of yours, all the way back then.” The unsaid ‘ _And I didn’t’_ was clear in the pause after Marcus’ words.

“All I did was the grunt work. I had no clue how exactly he planned to test some of his theories.” Paduk was still working on the fine nerve endings of JD’s leg, the most important step he had left. “Your husband is a genius man, but some of his ideas would’ve gotten him killed in Gorasnya. By the COG too, most probably.”

“So you became the middle man. No allegiance to either.” Marcus sounded thoughtful, and uncharacteristically set on digging at the topic. “Question is, what was in it for you?”

“Something with more value than anything else.” Despite his words, Paduk just shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. “The same thing we’re trying to do here. Saving a life, that’s something we’ve done a dime a dozen in the war. But tell me, how many times have you been able to bring one back from the dead?”

“But it’s still been during the Locust war…” Marcus seemed to reach some conclusion, muttering the words as if to himself. “Baird, when exactly was it that you even get to try doing that?”

“Before Jacinto sank.” He answered curtly, unwilling to go into further details. “Look, I kept it a secret from the high-ups. From nearly everyone really. And it didn’t work, so there was no point in doing anything else but to—“

“To bury it. Just like the COG did with everything else.” Anger bled through Marcus’ voice, or worse yet, disappointment.

Baird had expected a reaction like that, after all there weren’t many secrets between them. But this one had been a heavy stone he’d dragged for a so long, for more than one reason.

“I thought I knew you. But there’s been a whole other person there, one I never even saw.” Marcus’ sounded guarded, as if he had placed a wall in front of his emotions. A state Baird was well familiar with, one which he’d worked so long to overcome.

“I would have told you, had it worked. If it wasn’t one of my greatest failures.” He began, but Marcus’ dismissive grunt told him enough.

“Damon’s words are sincere.” Surprisingly, IRIS joined the conversation, unprompted. “Part of my creation as an Artificial Intelligence unit consisted of being an archival application. Years of Damon’s research have been catalogued in my memory banks, spawning from way before my activation. And some of my oldest records are in fact private journal entries.”

“Iris, that’s enough.” Baird turned, looking at the sensor on the wall. His voice command should’ve been clear enough regardless, but apparently both went ignored by the AI.

“This particular project had held a special place in Damon’s mind. And not simply because it had been a major idea for most of his life.” IRIS continued calmly, despite Baird’s protests, holding everyone’s attention. “The work he did in Jacinto, on case 01 – Carlos, he did for you, Marcus.”

Silence fell over the room, the only sound in it being the rhythmic, almost heartbeat-like thumping of the machine’s generator.

“Baird… What exactly was it that you did.” The footsteps as Marcus came closer echoed in the room, and Baird found himself gritting his teeth.

“Iris… Not a goddamned word more, or Embry help me…” Trying to calm the tremor that ran through his hands, Baird looked to the side, briefly stopping his work on suturing the wound on JD’s chest. “I… it could have worked, Marcus. I had all the process thought out, but we lacked the right tools, the time wasn’t right for it. When Paduk helped me find him, the sealed metal coffin was intact. I was so close—“

“So close to what.” Marcus’ voice was barely above a whisper, his stormy eyes locked with Baird’s own in a gaze that could break weaker men.

“To bringing _him_ back…” Baird flinched as Marcus turned away sharply, knowing there was no more he could’ve done to justify his actions.

“You’re just the same as them.” The pain in Marcus’ low voice felt like the slash of a whip. “My mother. My father. Always keeping secrets. Always working on their research, thinking they were a step away from becoming better than gods.”

Still facing away from Baird, Marcus turned his head to Paduk, his words laced with bitterness. “And look where that got them. Where it got everyone.”

At that, he marched out, the sliding doors of the decontamination room barely quick enough to make way.

Swallowing hard, Baird looked at his handiwork, the wide cut running over JD’s chest, the flesh nearly stitched closed now.

“Iris. Why the hell did you tell him all that?!” He didn’t even have the energy to yell anymore, barely able to function as he was.

“You’ve been tormenting yourself over this event for such a long time. You’ve written a numerous entries in which you wished it didn’t hang unsaid between you.” IRIS replied calmly. “I thought the lies would only pile up now that the nanotechnology is no longer a secret, along with your medical skills.”

“Yes, but now was the worst possible moment for this kind of revelation.” Baird looked at Paduk as he spoke, the man returning his gaze silently. “You know, I get an AI messing this whole human emotion shit up. But you knew better than to clue him in.”

“He was the one who asked.” Paduk didn’t seem fazed, his hands steady as he wrapped an elastic bandage around the connection point between JD’s leg and thigh. “I thought you had told him about it at one point, considering what’s happening here.”

“Yeah, well I hadn’t.” Connecting a drainage tube before doing the final stitches and the wound’s dressing, Baird cursed under his breath. “Goddammit. This is a bad idea, but not like there’s anyone else to do it right now, so Iris, keep an eye on Marcus out there. I think he’s had at least one shock too many today.”

“Affirmative, Damon. So far he’s punched a wall outside the lab, but seems unwilling to go anywhere else for now.”

“Ah hell.” Finally able to step away from the operating table, Baird took off his gloves and allowed himself a moment to crash on the nearest cabinet crate, sitting with his head hanging over his arms. His body was screaming for rest after all he’d put it through, with the lack of sleep threatening to blur his vision. His mind was like a program with too many open requests, each struggling for resource and priority.

“He’ll be back, don’t take it to heart.” Paduk made sure there was no bleeding present at the surgical sites they’d just closed, before sitting down next to Baird, back leaned on the wall. “And this time, you won’t fail.”

“You can’t know that for sure.” Baird groaned, wanting nothing more but to stop time for a while, to just sleep for a week and then return to deal with the whole mess that his life had become.

“But I do.” Bumping their shoulders together, Paduk grinned humorlessly. “Then again, I was always a sucker for impossible causes. I like to be surprised when they do work out. Now, tell me what do we have left to do next.”

“Uh-uh…” Baird leaned back as well, his head thumping against the wall lightly. “We’ll have to turn him and work on his spine. The nanites haven’t stopped repairing the nerve damage, but if he’s to move again, we have to replace all shattered vertebrae. Then finally, restart his heart.”

“So that’s what you’re calling those invisible bots of yours.” Paduk hummed before continuing. “They seem useful so far. And they’ve really kept his heart in proper condition, after all this time?”

“I hope so. If not, I’ll think of something else. A permanent power supply for the nanites maybe.” Getting up with a groan, Baird reached for new gloves from the dispenser. “Now, back at it, come on.”

* * *

***

Hours passed as they continued the difficult procedure of getting JD the replacement vertebrae, but eventually the decontamination sector’s doors opened again, getting their attention.

“I’m still mad.” Marcus said after walking in. “But if you do bring James back, maybe I can believe all you’ve done in the past has been worth it.”

“Marcus I— I know I had no right. Believe me, I’ve had years to think things through.” Baird looked at him, speaking gently. “But I wanted to make at least one wrong of those wars right. And now, I finally will.”

* * *

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so basically this chapter diverts my own fanon from fic one of the series (Looking for the summer) by assuming that Baird had learned who Carlos was and what he meant to Marcus sometime between the events of GOW1 and GOW2. And had substantially dug out his well-preserved body with Paduk's help and tried to bring him back to life with his then inferior nanotechnology, that he's currently using on JD. 
> 
> If it wasn't clear, my Baird's at least a lil bit unhinged/giving dem mad scientist vibes, but he means well, I promise.


	5. Dream of mirrors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A hotsy-totsy chapter? After all that angst? More likely than you think.  
> Still, at least 30% angst. Rating goes to E for this part

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A recurring theme in this fic: breaking Fahz's glasses it seems. Why am I such a bully lmao

* * *

***

 _“Fire the hammer, now!"_ As desperate as he might’ve been in that moment, recklessly pushing on ahead into the barrage of enemies, nothing could have prepared him for the first time he saw what his command brought to life.

Like the legend of an angry titan awakening from a millennia-long slumber, the hammer dropped in a visage of doomsday vengeance. Beams splitting the sky, tearing ground asunder with a sound which made all hairs on the back of his neck stand in primal terror.

The plan had worked out, apparently.

And then everything had gone sideways, the death ray out of control and seemingly still trying to triangulate to his position, waking infernal fire from the ground it reached.

Each breath burning in his lungs as he ran, the world around him a vertigo-inducing whirlwind of char and the Swarm’s bone-rattling dying roars.

A shift in perception, and then he was fighting to pull off the jammed metal door, Lizzie’s desperate voice reaching him muted, like he was submerged in water, as time appeared to slow down to a crawl. He could feel the wave of overheated air parch his skin, starting to burn down to his very core.

The clouds above gathered into a dark swirl, black as ink; as the sky fell.

* * *

***

It was too late to hold the scream as it left his throat, his lungs fighting to pull enough air, eyes unseeing.

The pain in his right arm almost unbearable, but as he clutched at it trying to extinguish phantom flames, JD realized he was no longer out on the street.

His skin was smooth and lightly patterned, his fingers tracing the edges of the hexagons as they fit against one another, a biomechanical grid protecting his scorched flesh.

Breathing heavily and counting to ten in his head, he pressed against a part of his upper arm which gave in slightly. Feeling the cramped muscles ease under the low electric current which ran through the artificial skin system, releasing the tension along the way. The pain faded some, even if not completely – JD had to struggle to convince himself that there was nothing threatening to burn him anymore.

The cool feeling of the sheets under him helped, along with the chilly air in the room. It made goosebumps rise on his flesh, drying away the moisture on his skin, the sweat a still palpable sign of his nightmare.

He’d come to sleep with the window open, despite the cold air of Frost ringing true of the season’s name, and painting the world outside with frozen crystals at night. He wanted to believe it helped, chasing away the heat in his dreams.

But sometimes it wasn’t enough.

Running his hands over his head, JD felt the roughly sheared ends of his hair snag in the connection ridges of his right hand’s fingers. It was the part of his arm which had suffered the most, and hence became heavily augmented. Suppose he should’ve been grateful to be able to move it at all, but paired with the close to none sensitivity still present in his fingers, it served mostly as a harsh reminder of his failure. Cursing, he slowly pulled his hand away and reached to flick the light switch.

The room filled with soft golden glow, the overhead chandelier more fitting of a ballroom than a dormitory. Yet it shouldn’t have surprised him, really. New Ephyra was built on dreams of grandeur, and even the most utilitarian spaces got a touch of old-time regency.

Even after all the time he’d lived in the city for, there were some things that never quite settled in his mind. The higher the ceilings were and the more bright the electric light, the more JD found himself thinking of wooden overhead beams, of white ceiling darkened by a fireplace’s smoke. Of intricate glass lanterns, the flickering flame within them casting light which moved like a flock of birds with every draft of air. Of the place that would forever remain home in his memory, even as it stood empty now. Even after he’d ended up hurting the people meant to be his family, pushing them away.

Standing, he went to the bathroom, splashing cold water on his face. Glancing at the mirror, his eyes zeroed in on the vivid red scar crossing his face and fading into the hair that had managed to grow out already. He’d been in a coma for weeks, nearly the entirety of Frost and his body bore the changes. Yet for his mind that time was completely lost. There had been just a singular moment, a memory stretching indefinitely.

His inability to save anyone, the pain he kept bringing no matter how good his intentions were.

Gripping the edges of the sink, he closed his eyes, fighting against the bout of panic which was threatening to overwhelm him, his heart beating so hard it felt as if was about to burst out of his ribcage. 

Fighting with himself to derail the train of thought which brought him to that state, and to banish the lingering emotions that had risen from the nightmare, JD opened the cabinet above the sink, rummaging through it. The clatter of a bottle of pills as it rolled over and fell down the counter went ignored, and he only came to a halt when he felt the cold handle of what he’d been searching for, tucked behind a box of bandages.

The electric razor’s weight felt right as he plugged it into the outlet and brought it up to his head.

Willing his hand to move steadily, JD ran the machine over his head, down until there was only a barely-there sight of his blonde hair left. He hadn’t had a buzzcut since the military academy, but as he cleaned off the last locks of hair, he decided that this was about as practical as his new hand warranted for – it would no longer have anything to catch on.

He paused at his beard, before deciding to leave it as it was. He’d only trimmed it some the first time he’d been alone and out of the hospital bed, but it wasn’t against regulations. Not that he was back to active duty yet, not until he could clear the physical evaluation that is.

Which brought him to the next decision.

Setting the razor aside, and telling himself he’ll clean the mess later, he went back into the main room. The clock on the wall told him it was 03:00, just as the clear night outside suggested.

Picking up his gym bag, JD contemplated throwing on a hoodie over his loose tank top. It would do well to cover him from any prying eyes, but he decided against it, wanting to keep somewhat cold still.

The entire reason he’d come to train at night lately was that the hallways and the gym were practically deserted. No one was going to see him, no hushed words as people gossiped around, either unknowing or uncaring that he could hear them still.

And no one to watch him as he struggled through his exercises, the testament of a body that had spent close to a month immobilized. He wasn’t blind to the additional softness that had accumulated over that time either, but it was of little merit. A lot in his body had changed, but what bothered him the most was the lapse in agility and strength – the two things which he’d always had a natural inclination to.

He had trained for them before, of course. With Del, way before they entered boot camp. Before they’d even made up their mind to go military, they had been on the farm alongside Marcus, helping him work the land. Growing up they’d filled out like all men on Sera did under the right conditions, though JD agreed that even for a Gear, his dad seemingly carried a fortunate gene disposition too, which had transferred to him.

Boot camp had been hard, it was meant to be – but there was a difference in starting prepared, and returning to that from his current state.

Cursing whenever his arm locked up in pain, or his muscles strained to accommodate to the weight and repetition of his workout, JD often came back to his dorm in the little hours of the morning, utterly exhausted and aching all over. Able to crash for few hours of much needed sleep, too tired to dream.

Pushing himself to go harder every time, JD couldn’t lie to himself about what he was actually doing though.

Yes, he wanted to be able to return to active duty as soon as possible, do his part in fighting the rapidly growing Swarm, but there was more to it than that. He took the pain as punishment, one which he believed was well deserved.

Lizzie, the people in the convoy, the protesters in Settlement Two.

They had all died because of him. Because of his decisions, the choices which he’d made, hypocritically convinced in his rightfulness right until it had all come crashing down in his face. A lesson he hadn’t learned, time and time again.

The look of betrayal on Del’s face as Fahz had told him the truth about JD’s order in Settlement Two, the way Baird had avoided his eyes when he’d first woken up and asked about Lizzie. Marcus’ heavy silence speaking volumes, the burning shame rising in JD’s throat at their reaction, suffocating him.

All his life, he’d fought to not be a disappointment. To earn the trust of the people he loved. But the more he tried, the further away from it he’d ended up.

So here he was again, pushing at the weighted bar above him in the middle of the night. Ignoring his right shoulder screaming in protest, JD continued the rep, teeth grinding together as he counted in his head.

Pushing the bar away once more and setting it into the nooks with a heavy clang, JD groaned at the pain shooting through his arm, pressing at the connection port to get some relief.

“Pretty sure you’re not suppose’ to be going at it so hard so soon.” A familiar voice startled him, and JD turned towards its source. Lo and behold, it was Fahz, dressed in black workout gear and leaning on the doorframe of the gym’s entrance.

“You come here to gloat or something.” JD said without thinking, annoyed at the unexpected interruption.

“Oh truly, princess, I’ve come specifically to watch you dwell in your own misery.” Voice heavy with sarcasm, Fahz walked in, towel and a large bottle of water in his hand.

Despite the teasing words, JD realized it was highly unlikely that anyone knew of his nightly schedule, and that Fahz was simply there to train too, their meeting a coincidence. So somewhat embarrassed, and uncertain of what to say in turn, JD simply laid back on the bench and quietly prepared himself for another round.

He’d almost done the number of reps he wanted, focused only on pushing on through the pain, when he felt his arm seize up. He must’ve shouted out, momentarily blinded by agony, because rather than crushing over him as his grip faltered, the weighted bar… didn’t.

Breathing heavily, he looked up and met Fahz’ eyes through the man’s semi-see through shades.

He was holding the bar, the muscles of his arms straining with the effort. For a long moment they were both motionless, before Fahz grunted and put the bar back on the hooks.

“And that, is why you always need a spotter Fenix.” He said matter-of-factually, walking to the side of the bench with his typical slight swagger.

“Yeah, well not like there’s a bunch of people waiting in line for that.” JD grunted out, laying on his side as he struggled to lower his injured arm. “Fuck, I think I might’ve ripped something.”

“Hold on, lemme see.” Fahz’s voice had dropped to a tone which while one wouldn’t call concerned, was still miles off from his usual cocky bravado. “Did you press the thingy, whatever it is even called.”

“Yeah, I did, several times now. It’s not doing it.” Gritting his teeth, JD watched as Fahz crouched next to him and grabbed his arm lightly, one palm resting on his shoulder, fingers digging into the flesh.

“Lucky for you, you haven’t dislocated anything. I think it’s just a pulled tendon, or a flipped one.” Fahz said, his fingers still pushing and prodding at the muscles on JD’s shoulder.

“Flipped?” Flinching slightly as another jolt of pain ran through him, JD frowned. “Don’t make it worse, will you.”

“I’m not. Just stay still, and let me work it through, it will get better soon.” Fahz muttered under his breath, this time using both hands to massage JD’s knotted muscles, down to his shoulder blade. “M’ dad was a doctor, I know what I’m doing.”

“Somehow, I find that hard to believe.” And yet, as the words left his mouth, JD felt something slide back into place, the tension locking his arm disappearing, pinpricks running all over it. “Wow ok, I take that back. Whatever you did, it’s working.”

“Yeah, good to know.” Patting his arm lightly, Fahz stood up. “And you forget which one of us is more dedicated to the gym. I’ve learned to fix stuff like this on myself ages ago.”

“Got it, no need to brag.” Sitting up, JD took his own towel, patting away at his face and neck.

“Speaking of bragging, you trying to steal my look or something?” Fahz voice was back to his usual taunting tone. “Looks like someone wants to be a bad boy now, huh.”

Frowning, it took JD a moment to realize what he meant, hand automatically reaching for his shaved head. He didn’t have a Mohawk, but the beard was another similarity.

“In your dreams, maybe.” It definitely hadn’t been a conscious effort on JD’s side, but teasing Fahz in turn came almost naturally to him. “Next thing I know, you’d be handing me a Fight Club flyer, huh.”

“As if, you don’t really give me a bare knuckle brawler sorta vibe, Fenix.” Fahz huffed, walking to get his stuff.

“Admit it, you’re just scared I’ll beat you in no time again.” Something in JD made him keep pushing, his voice taking on just a bit of the old smugness that he knew could always get a rise out of Fahz (or almost everyone for that matter. Del had been the only one to call him out on his bullshit, and well… he wasn’t around to do that currently.)

“Are you now, huh.” Fahz turned sharply, tossing the water bottle back on the floor. “Sounds to me that you’re just itchin’ for a fight mate.”

“And what if I am?” JD stood up, turning his head from side to side to relieve some pressure in his neck. He realized Fahz wasn’t wrong, and honestly couldn’t care to try and change his mind.

“Hmm… Well, the mat’s right there. But don’t think I’d go easy on you just ‘cuz you’re already roughed up.” True to his word, Fahz didn’t even bandage his hands, simply smirked and beckoned to JD as he backed up to the mat.

Stepping forward himself, JD rose to the challenge and didn’t cover his own hands.

“No rules?” He asked simply, though he already knew the answer.

“None. And just to make it more interesting, this fight doesn’t end when someone’s on the floor.” Fahz piped up, kicking his leg back to a more stable stance.

“Whoever taps out first loses then, got it.” JD was alert even as he spoke, having learned his lesson in the past, when it came to Fahz pulling low blows. Deciding to up the stakes, he kept talking. “Oh and I still haven’t forgotten you snitching up to Del and Kait.”

“Pff, call it as you wish, that was just you being a coward.” Circling around each other slowly, Fahz’s next words hit home. “Acting all fine and mighty, but lying to your buddies. They didn’t much like the real you, did they.”

JD lunged ahead at that, fist flying towards Fahz’s face, who barely managed to duck out of the way, despite expecting it. Still, he was quick to counter, landing a hit on the open side of JD’s torso with his other hand.

From there on, it was a mostly silent fight, each man focused on holding his ground, not pulling strength from the blows. Grunting with effort, JD managed to trip Fahz with the same move he’d used a couple of months back.

“Haven’t gotten much better I see.” He quipped, but his victory was short lived when Fahz used his legs to pull him down too, the momentum allowing him to fling over JD.

Blocking the next hits, JD rolled them over, trying to gain the upper hand and catch Fahz in a headlock, but his efforts proved futile as Fahz pinned him face down, using his entire weight to push him into the mat.

“Reckon I still got some tricks up my sleeve you ain’t seen yet.” The smugness in Fahz’ voice didn’t keep for long when JD decided to pull a low blow himself, and snapped his head back, hitting Fahz square in the face.

A resounding crack had him think that maybe he’d gone too far – all in all, he didn’t actually want to break the man’s nose, despite their mutual hang ups.

“Oh no you didn’t, you bastard.” The move had allowed him to get away from under Fahz, who however didn’t appear as fazed as a broken nose would warrant. Instead, he took JD’s momentary hesitation at heart and grabbed his left arm, twisting it back and up, and used his bulk to immobilize JD’s legs.

Seeing the snapped pair of glasses on the mat next to his head, JD realized his mistake. He hadn’t broken Fahz’ nose, just his shades.

Still, he had a second to note that despite having the chance, Fahz had gone easy on him and picked his uninjured arm. Yet not willing to give up the fight so easily, JD struggled to free himself, his right hand grabbing back to any part of Fahz he could reach, trying to get the leverage needed to throw him off.

Admittedly, he was having more difficulty doing that than he’d expected to. Another sign of the state his body was in, but damn if he was about to admit it.

Summoning all his strength, JD succeeded in breaking Fahz’ hold on his arm, but in his effort to twist into a better position, he had simply ended up on his back, Fahz still having the upper hand of being above him, pressing over him to try and prevent him from getting up.

Suddenly, JD froze up, all the fight draining from him. The moment he’d stopped pushing away however, meant that Fahz’s entire weight crushed more firmly over him, caught off-guard at the sudden change but apparently unwilling to let loose. JD wouldn’t have blamed him, as it was a popular trick move, if he had actually planned it.

The truth however, was something else entirely.

Pressed this close, every breath JD took was oversaturated with their combined scent; Fahz’ strong aftershave having faded to more musky undertones mixed with the sharp tang of sweat that had formed during their struggle.

Count that in along with the adrenaline coursing through his veins, the dull, throbbing pain where each hit had landed, and the fact that this is the closest he’d been to anyone for a month, and JD found himself dealing with a very peculiar situation.

A hot stab of _want_ ran through his belly, traitorously chubbing up his semi, which he was certain was practically impossible to miss at this point, close as they were. Be as it may, he expected Fahz to either punch him and continue their fight, or punch him and go away in revolt.

Having accepted his fate, he swallowed hard and looked up to meet Fahz’s eyes.

“Wait, are you—“ Fahz began, his voice almost comically confused. His own breathing was still heavy, and JD’s skin rose in goosebumps where each puff of air landed against his neck. “Oh.”

JD tensed, bracing himself for the hit that was inevitably to follow.

Which never came.

Instead, he watched as Fahz studied his face, a deep frown etched between his brows. Neither of them had made a move to pull away, still pressed up chest to toe, and JD found his thoughts steering down a different path altogether.

Cautiously, he ever so slightly wet his lips, the tip of his tongue picking a trace of salt; was it blood or sweat, he couldn’t say. But he saw Fahz zero in on the motion, sucking in a deep breath. _Oh_ indeed.

Letting his head fall back on the mat leisurely, JD met Fahz’s eyes again, a small smirk curling at the corner of his lips.

Fahz’s resounding groan at that told him all he had to know. Following it, Fahz ground down hard into JD, arms framing his head as he leaned in until they were nose to nose. JD didn’t even try to hold the noise which escaped his lips at that, craving even the miniscule amount of friction.

“So that’s how you want to play then, huh…” Fahz’s voice was a hoarse whisper, and he wasted no time before smashing their lips together, a kiss as rough as their fight had been.

Or starting so, at least. JD met him for it eagerly, grasping at him, hand running over his head and into the short strands of his hair, lips parting as he got to taste Fahz for the first time. His mouth was hot, tongue pressing against his hungrily as JD’s arm wrapped around the broad expanse of his back, palm stroking at the warm strip of skin on Fahz’s waist he could reach underneath his shirt.

Fahz didn’t fall behind either, his hands grabbing the sides of JD’s face, thumbs running under his jaw, pulling him closer still, his hips rubbing down against JD’s, the sweatpants doing little to hide his own growing interest.

JD caught himself thinking back to Del, and wondered if he should stop. But whatever they had between them, seemed to be over, at least for the time being, if Del’s attitude was any indication. He’d checked up on JD in the hospital, but when JD tried to talk about Settlement Two, he’d just waked away with a shake of his head.

They hadn’t seen each other more than once since, Del going on missions along with Kait, and on the one occasion they’d ran into each other, he’d barely spared more than few words before being on his way. The biggest blow was when he’d been told Del had requested to be relocated to a different dorm.

JD tried not to blame him, not when he knew he deserved it, after all this was the reason he’d kept the truth to himself, expecting an outcome like it. He couldn’t see himself not loving Del still, but was far from convinced it was being mutual. They’d been friends since they were children, but JD grew to know that some mistakes he’d made were unforgivable.

And whatever Fahz could get out of him now, he’d get in turn. So he was okay with that thought, as much as he could think at the moment that was.

Not when the heat of Fahz’s body bleeding through the thin cotton of their shirts was the first warmth he found himself enjoying without subconsciously connecting it to the hammer incident.

And knowing that Fahz could take a push as hard as he pulled added more to this carnal attraction they’d seemingly fostered for quite a while now. Finally given an outlet other than insults and injury, but one which had JD just as willing to stand his ground as he had in their fight.

Pulling at Fahz’s shirt until he got the hint, JD was pleased to see him toss it away blindly, baring his chest. Not losing any time, JD ran a hand over the firm muscles of his pecs, down to the slightly softer flesh of his stomach. It was padding over muscle as hard as iron, and JD bit his lip, continuing his exploration. He’d made it to the smooth skin on Fahz’ back, inwardly cursing at his right hand’s dulled sensitivity, when he felt Fahz’s hands sneak under him, grabbing at the meaty plains of his ass.

“You won’t believe how long I’ve wanted to get my hands on that marvelously fat ass of yours, Fenix.” Fahz sounded a bit too out of breath to be joking, and JD poked at his ribs in turn.

“Don’t call me that now, it’s my dad’s name.” Hand running up Fahz’s beefy thigh, JD pushed into Fahz’s grip on him. “It’s JD, and it’s not fat. That’s muscle.”

“Oh you’re a fit bloke alright, but that ass can make a whole meal.” Fahz laughed as JD put a hand over his mouth, his own chest heaving with a chuckle.

“Shut up before you mess this up, will you.” JD said but only half-heartedly. It felt good to laugh about something, even if as ridiculous and trivial.

“Sure thing, Lieutenant.” Fahz buried his face in JD’s neck who groaned in exasperation at the quip. Fahz nipped and sucked at the skin of his neck, the rough hairs of his beard as it scratched over the tender skin making JD moan instead, fingers digging into Fahz’s back, who only seemed further spurred on by the action.

“Ha-ah—you do know that someone could, could walk in here any minute now, right?” JD finally found the strength to say, as he felt the fabric of his boxers sticking to him, precome soaking through.

“A fair warning, but a bit too late if I’d say so myself.” Fahz looked up at him, his hands reaching to JD’s chest, pulling his shirt up to his clavicle, palms grabbing at his pecs. Fahz’s thumbs rubbing rough circles over his nipples had JD’s toes curl, mouth opening in a startled moan. “Could try to walk away somewhere more private, if you wanted to… But do ye really? Plus, it’s still a bit too early even for the early birds.”

“Yet you were here almost when I was.” JD said with a gasp, hands tracing the groves of Fahz’s strong arms, the apex of his wide shoulders. He didn’t really think he had it in himself to move anywhere else anymore.

“I couldn’t sleep.” Fahz said simply, but had the kind of look which usually told JD he was up to no good. Grinning, Fahz lowered his head down until he was at level with JD’s chest, and placed a kiss over his ribcage. Then another and another, briefly taking a detour to a nipple, then mouthed at the voltopous flesh of his pecs as he went further down, hands resting on the swell of muscle over JD’s hipbones.

Propping himself up on an elbow, JD breathed heavily as he traced his left hand on Fahz’s shoulder and over his head, urging him on with a light touch, a barely-there pull.

Fahz took the invitation and buried his face into JD’s hardness, mouthing at him through his pants, breathing in with a low groan. The sight of him was nearly enough to have JD tip over then and there, but he bit his lip, willing himself to hold off, wanting to get whatever Fahz was willing to give him next.

Without much preamble, Fahz hooked his fingers in the waistband of JD’s sweatpants, and tugged them away along with his boxers, pushing them past his knees and onto the floor. JD’s cock laid hard against his belly, the tip moist and almost angry shade of red.

“Look at’cha, so pretty for me.” Fahz teased, his hands stroking JD’s thighs, before running over his length, thumbing at the tip.

The praise made heat rise in JD’s cheeks, and he canted his hips, following the movement of Fahz’s hand as he jerked him harder. A tremor ran through his thighs where they laid spread on each side of Fahz’s shoulders, and JD boldly moved them over him for better leverage, heels resting on the low of his back.

The sight had him shiver with want again, especially since Fahz took the movement in stride and used his free hand to grip JD’s thigh hard, fingers digging into soft flesh and muscle. Pressing his face into JD’s inner thigh, Fahz sucked and bit at the skin, hickeys blooming under his lips before he rubbed his chin against the milky white flesh until it reddened further. 

“That’s to make you even prettier for me, ain’t it so?”

It was a rhetorical question, but JD found himself nodding along all the same, his fingers reaching to Fahz’s full bottom lip, playing with the softness and gasping when Fahz opened his mouth and let his tongue trace against the digits.

Nudging against his palm, Fahz glanced at JD’s scrapped knuckles, a testament to their fight. Running his tongue over each one, he slowly inched his face down again, until he could trade off the rough skin of JD’s palm for the wet velvet of his cock. Licking a broad stripe over the head, JD’s fingers grasped at him, his breathing heavy and uneven.

Biting at his mechanical hand, JD struggled to keep his voice down, low moans and gasps escaping him as Fahz went to town on his dick, sucking him in, hand wrapped around what he couldn’t fit in his mouth. He cursed as he saw his grit stretching Fahz’s lips, slick strings of saliva running over him on each upstroke. Fahz had closed his eyes in concentration, and it took a while for JD to notice that his other hand was no longer on his thigh; instead he could see Fahz grinding his own hips down into it, jerking himself off roughly as he sucked on JD like it was his sole purpose in life.

Feeling himself get closer to the edge again, JD had to struggle to keep his thighs from crushing Fahz’s head between them, each muscle in his body strung taut with pleasure, hips buckling to meet Fahz’s erratic pace.

“Not… much longer now.” He managed to gasp out, looking down at Fahz’s reddened face, expecting him to pull off and finish them both with his hands.

However, if anything that only served to spur him on harder, a light choking sound coming through as he pushed himself to take in more of JD’s length. That sight alone had JD’s head fall back onto the matt as he let go of whatever control he’d still managed to muster, simply following Fahz’s motions, no longer holding back.

Fahz’s groan reverberated through JD’s dick, the feeling nearly too much. JD was sure what it meant, along with the halt in Fahz’s rhythm, and glanced down, quick enough to catch the look of almost painful pleasure cross Fahz’s features as he came, the movement of his hand stilling.

But he kept sucking JD off, sloppy and uncoordinated, but enthusiastically enough to have JD finish within seconds, spilling hotly into his mouth.

The aftershocks of his orgasm running through his body didn’t stop JD from noting that Fahz swallowed around him, milking every last drop of his release. Cock giving one last twitch at that, JD let himself unwind, breathing heavily as he laid motionless on the mat.

He didn’t really have the words to speak, not quite yet at least.

Fahz had rolled on his back next to him, seemingly having the same amount of struggle with getting air into his lungs as he was. 

He also realized that out of the two of them, he was the one nearly stark naked, so with as much of an effort of willpower as it took, JD got up on his knees, reaching to get his discarded pants, and hastily pulled them on. The clock on the wall read half-past four, which meant it wasn’t long until some of the aforementioned early birds made it to the gym.

“That was… yeah, that was something alright, I gotta give it to ye… JD.” Fahz’s voice was notably rougher, but his grin was the same as always, albeit his lips were definitely redder and shinier than JD had ever seen before.

“What you said.” JD was certain he himself looked just as fucked out as he felt, the low fire in his belly sated. For now at least. “Could try a rematch, sometime.”

Smirking, he raised an eyebrow and Fahz barked out a laugh.

“Got a score to settle after all.” Fahz said in turn, sitting up cross-legged. “Mate, don’t know about you, but I’m never gonna be able to look at that mat the same way again.”

“Yeah, that’s that. Good that nobody else wants to fight you on it then, right.” JD teased, but without malice. Fahz knew quite well why he was banned from the ring, his street fighting style unwelcome by the COG and the rest of the Gears. Officially, that is. JD was pretty sure there was an actual fight club out there somewhere, that Fahz was an avid member of.

“Right.” Fahz got up, dusting off his knees with an exaggerated motion. “Best be on my way then. Don’t wanna breach my curfew.”

“Heh, yeah. Same really.” JD got up as well, hesitating for a moment. He was out of his depth here. Del had been the only other person he’d been with, and their relationship had started off much differently. Whatever he and Fahz were up to… he had no clear borders to adhere to. Still, feeling bold, he pulled Fahz’s arm and pressed a quick kiss against his lips, before standing back. “Don’t be a stranger.”

With that, he went to pick his bag, deciding like usual that the privacy of his own shower was much preferred to having someone possibly gawk at his new arm, and the plethora of scars radiating from it and over his back.

“You too, Fenix.” Fahz called behind him, his tone light.

Shaking his head at being called by his surname again, JD smirked to himself and walked out.

* * *

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IDK if the chapter title made it clear, but this is a throwback/dream memory chapter. It's set shortly after JD wakes from the coma following the hammer of dawn incident, and is focused on how he and Fahz hit off to the point we see them later on in game 5. And some of what I've been mentioning throughout the previous chapters.


	6. Love me forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “These are the Things that Make a Man  
> (…)  
> Strength enough to build a home,  
> Time enough to hold a child,  
> Love enough to break a heart.”
> 
> ― Terry Pratchett, Wintersmith

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love me forever, or not at all,  
> End of our tether, backs to the wall  
> Give me your hand, don't you ever ask why,  
> Promise me nothing, live 'til we die
> 
> Everything changes, it all stays the same  
> Everyone guilty, no one to blame  
> Every way out, brings you back to the start,  
> Everyone dies to break somebody's heart
> 
> \- Motörhead

* * *

***

Marcus watched as JD’s chest rose and fell, in rhythm set by the machine he was tied to.

One of the machines, that is. The one currently supplying oxygen to him, connected to his lungs via a breathing tube. There was also the more complex device that Baird had brought up initially, a steady whirl coming from the side as various tubes came out of it and disappeared into JD’s body.

Seeing him like this again made Marcus’ gut twist in more ways than one.

For once, it reminded him of the Hammer of Dawn accident, the memory merely a few months old. In a surreal bout of déjà vu, he saw himself from an angle, sitting in the same position next to JD’s bed.

There had been machines last time too, albeit different ones.

It had been weeks until the doctors had deemed fit to take JD out of the oxygen chamber, which served to better recover his burns and prevent infection. Marcus had only been able to sit by him them, the thick glass separating them, a barrier he couldn’t breach.

This time, he held JD’s hand in his, fingers running over the top of it in slow, mindless patterns.

Even as he had the chance to do this, Marcus felt helpless – as he had been back then too. Told to sit and wait, hope and rely on powers beyond his control. And when it came to his son’s life being on the line, those powers seemed awfully insufficient. Although now he’d been able to watch as Baird and Paduk had struggled on, working diligently for hours to restore JD’s broken body, he knew whether or not he would wake up was out of their hands at this point.

But still, being caught between hope and despair, Marcus had to admit that he was far from the void of numbness which his life had become the moment he’d seen Del and Kait return alone. The tension in Del’s body, his terse expression.

The weight of the COG tags Marcus’ hand, their edges digging into his palm as he’d gripped on tight, as if he could wrench JD’s life back from the metal.

And the wave of agony which had brought all the pain back when Fahz had returned, carrying JD’s body to them. Not even decades of war had changed the visceral reaction Marcus had upon seeing him, every bone in his body screaming that JD was dead, that there was no way to change anything anymore.

That he could only bury him, like he did Carlos.

Or burn him, as they had done since E-Day.

But Baird’s frantic determination had thrown him off those kind of thoughts, reaching to a different instinct altogether. To the man he’d been, and for some, would always remain.

The one calling the shots, the one whose orders would save them or be their doom.

So, he pushed all the emotions back, far away into a dark corner of his mind, into a basement with a heavy latch and chain, one he’d relied on for his entire life. That he’s used before there was a battlefield underneath his feet, and after there was none.

Ordering Fahz to get them back to New Ephyra, staying quiet as he, Carmine and Baird sat around JD’s body, the truck shaking every time the windflare tried to topple it over, lightning tearing the night sky.

And they had made it back, against all odds. Not a first time that’s happened in his life, fate’s whimsical nature sparing him once again.

Staying in for the surgery had been agony.

No wound in his flesh had ever hurt as much as having to see the scalpel cut James open, Baird’s face a mask of concentration, grotesquely similar to the way he looked as he repaired machines; deft hands locating damage and changing what was broken.

Which brought him back to the thought that hadn’t left his mind since the AI’s remark, and Baird’s forced confession.

_Carlos._ Marcus had been startled by the name, as always – even a lifetime away, it never ceased to cause a stab of pain in his chest. He’d thought nothing of it at first, certainly it had to be somebody else that Baird had worked on, it was improbable, no, impossible to be _his_ Carlos.

And yet, he’d listened with growing horror as Paduk had prompted Baird’s story, the pieces clicking together.

He’d had to leave, despite his earlier words, unable to stay in the same room when the realization hit. The fact that Baird had tried to do onto him the same which he now planned for James, scared Marcus. Not the nature of the act per se; if Baird’s technology truly could bring the dead back to life, he had no moral qualms against it. Seen too much death to believe in anything divine, to call heresy.

But the possibility of something else entirely had left him struggling to breathe.

That maybe Baird had gone mad, that the years of peace had not spared his mind from losing touch with reality, that the horrors of war had been too much in a way Marcus had failed to see.

And what that could mean for James. The faint flame of hope which had burned in his heart threatening to flicker out, suffocated by anger and doubt.

But as he took the time to think, Marcus had tried to be rational. He’d never quite managed to pinpoint Paduk’s role in Baird’s life, even with them both talking about each other from time to time, after Paduk had saved their lives on Azura.

Despite that, Marcus didn’t think Paduk had lost his sanity too. So if he’d stayed to help, now and before, then there had to have been more to Baird’s claim than a grieving man’s madness.

Maybe they had failed with Carlos, but wouldn’t now.

After all, Marcus of all people knew best the kind of state that Carlos’ body had been in. And that was before the Locust war, not years in it. Whatever Baird had been thinking then, seemed truly impossible, no one could heal a body torn so badly.

James had better chances. Marcus told himself to believe that, unwilling to think otherwise, to see a future where his child was dead before him.

To fight for that kind of bleak world, would be almost living in vain.

A shiver ran through him, that had little to do with the room’s temperature. Casting a glance over JD, his eyes fell on Baird’s sleeping form, noted the worried crease that hadn’t left the man’s forehead even now.

Once they’d finished the surgery, Paduk had cleaned up while Baird did last setting adjustment on his machine, double checking everything.

He’d told Marcus that it was unlikely for JD to wake up soon, the nanites still supplying a steady stream of painkillers and sedatives into his body as they worked on mending the damage from the inside. That all they could do now was give JD time, let him rest.

Marcus hadn’t left, content with sitting by his side regardless. His entire body ached with residual tension from the truck crash, and his eyes stung with lack of sleep, but neither thing mattered. Not when he could hold James’ hand, feel the warmth of it and see color gradually return to his skin.

Baird had stood next to him for a while, wordlessly resting a palm on his shoulder. Marcus couldn’t bring himself to say anything, to continue their earlier argument. In that moment, they were both where they had to be, together.

Just the way they had been, while raising JD. Despite his dislike for the new COG, Marcus was never able to get himself to blame Baird for the times in which he’d been away, helping build the future.

Because for every device he created, and every settlement that grew, Damon had always made the time to stay with him and JD, to be by his side when Marcus needed him the most.

“You best get some shuteye, lest you pass out as you stand.” Paduk’s words had startled them both, and Marcus had realized that Baird was in fact almost swaying, hardly able to stand on his feet.

Yet he’d waved a hand in dismissal, nodding in Paduk’s direction.

_“_ Don’tcha worry about me now. You can go though, I’ll call if there’s anything.” With that, Baird had given a set of instructions to the AI, apparently a guide sheet to follow when it came to the readings of the machine JD was hooked up to.

Paduk had seemed doubtful, but left with a shrug of his shoulders.

Then, Marcus had watched as Baird laid down on the floor, a hand under his head; his teal-colored scrubs standing out starkly against the white tiles. That had felt like a gut punch to Marcus, who couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen Baird this utterly exhausted.

For all the nightmares keeping him awake at night, Marcus knew that if Damon Baird was up to something, he’d easily see the dawn, or stay way past the time everyone else had already succumbed to the lands of Morpheus.

"Wake me if something starts to beep, eh? I’ll just rest my eyes some." He’d said, the shadow of a smirk quickly passing over his tired features.

Marcus had nodded, not trusting his voice to speak.

Barely a minute had passed when he heard Baird’s breathing even out, a sure sign he’d been fast asleep. The machines did their work diligently, following the programmed tasks, tireless. As they’d continue to as long as necessary, Marcus was certain of.

JD’s heart had failed to start again. Despite their best efforts, Baird had told him that the nanites would serve its function instead, along with the machine, just like they had so far.

He’d said there was a chance for things to remain like this, but it wouldn’t stop James from waking up. Or that they could still repair the organ enough over time, to restart it.

Marcus hadn’t wanted to imagine how a living with a still heart could be like, so he didn’t. That was a problem to focus on in the future.

All he wished for right now, was to see JD open his eyes again, to hear his voice. To ask his forgiveness for things left unsaid, for words spoken too harshly.

The warmth of the room threatened to lull him to sleep, weakening his resolve. Marcus held onto JD’s hand tighter, leaned down and laid his head on the bedding which covered the gurney.

A tear ran down his cheek, peaking over the bridge of his nose before it disappeared into the cloth underneath.

* * *

Del woke up with a start, breathing heavily, his hands reaching for his throat. Ready to struggle, to try and break free.

But he touched only his own smooth skin, the rapid staccato of his pulse hammering underneath his fingertips. The residual ache of old bruises.

Nothing was choking him, not anymore.

As his eyes adjusted to the darkness of the room, Del remembered.

The events of the previous day weighted down his chest like a ton of bricks, stealing the air he’d so frantically struggled for just a moment ago.

Tears rose unbidden in his eyes, spilling over.

JD was dead. He was gone, the creature wearing Reyna’s mangled face had killed him, it had given Kait an impossible choice.

Del had been certain he’d die, that they all would – together, the choice nothing but a cruel, monstrous play. For each time he’d fought back to back with JD and Kait, he’d known it could be his last. But going out in battle was a reality he’d grown to accept, in a way. One brush with death too many, the last months of relentlessly fighting the swarm making him face the fragility of life.

But not JD’s. Not when he’d almost lost him once already, carried his unconscious form to safety, the sickening smell of burned flesh and charred cloth sticking to the back of his throat. Sitting by him in the hospital room, watching as he slept, a dream whose length no one could predict.

But he wasn’t ready for things to end like this. Not when the turbulence of his own hurt feelings had met JD’s grief and guilt head on, causing a rift between them like never before.

Not right now, when he’d just began to believe they can be as close as they were, or even more so. When he’d seen the gradual change which had taken place in JD and let himself hope they were not beyond fixing. That JD still cared for him, still loved him as much as Del loved him in turn.

When he hadn’t even had the chance to say sorry, to tell JD he forgives him.

Instead he’d had few seconds. Only a few seconds to say goodbye, to hold JD’s breathless body before it was wrenched away from him, disappearing into the falling ground.

Nothing but the tags left in his hand, metal still warm against his palm.

Del felt a piece of himself die then, going along with JD. The same way he’d lost parts of himself when his parents had died in that fire, leaving him with nothing but ash and empty graves to cry on.

JD had been the one to teach him how to love again, how to let himself feel.

They had both been just kids the first time they met. JD was a shy little thing, his blonde hair almost shining with the sun; he’d been hiding behind his parents’ legs, shyly saying hello when prompted to.

It was their first day of school, the grass green and still carrying the memory of summer, even at the end of Bounty.

Del had tried to look indifferent, after all large gathering of kids was nothing new to him. Every day since he’d been declared healthy from the hospital, he’d spent in his new home, New Ephyra’s orphanage.

He’d slept in a room with several beds and other kids, had breakfast lunch and dinner in the large mess hall, played with them outside or in the large common room when the weather wasn’t permitting them to go elsewhere.

He was told school would be different - they’d have to study and listen to the teachers, and would meet a lot new kids, whom still had their parents.

Del had been secretly jealous, with a simplicity only kids could bring to the word. He often wondered why some kids were lucky to have their family, and others not. What had they done to deserve one or the other.

So when he’d seen JD, hiding and not approaching the random groups of running and playing children, their laughter and shouting coming from all directions, Del had thought they were on the two sides of a fence. The parent-havers, and the orphans.

But a part of him also remembered a different time, when he’d been on that side of the fence too.

When his family had moved to New Ephyra, and they all got to live in their own house. It had been lonely, and Del had wandered outside, wondering where were all the kids. Certainty, there’d be someone his age around that he could play with?

After days, he’d started to think that maybe the people on that street simply didn’t have kids.

And despite the lack of cars, his mother had forbidden him to go any further, saying it wouldn’t be safe for him to wander off alone.

So he’d sat at the steps of their house, drawing patterns in the soil with a long stick, when a shy voice from the neighboring yard had caught his attention.

He’d found himself a friend, and suddenly the life in New Ephyra had seemed entirely different.

Once he’d gotten to the orphanage however, he was meant to make new friends. In an entirely different part of the city, he didn’t know what had become of his friend, nor who he could ask about them. And he hadn’t, unwilling to speak to anyone about the life he’d had before the fire had stolen everything from him.

So, standing on the grass in his freshly pressed clothes, his new school uniform, Del made a choice.

He strode over to the new kid, and beamed in a smile.

“Hello! My name’s Del. Do you wanna play?” He’d waited until the kid stepped forth uncertainly, smile never wavering.

“I’m James-Dominic Fenix. But you can call me JD, if you want.” JD had extended his hand, his expression serious like a grown-up.

“Okay JD. Come on!” Del had grabbed his hand, far from a handshake and pulled lightly instead, motioning for JD to follow him.

By the end of the first school day, they were both laughing and acting like they had known each other for life, seemingly every little thing Del did succeeding to bring a smile on JD’s face.

Their clothes had been covered in green patches from the grass, knees and shoes muddy – JD had been surprisingly good at playing ball, and along with Del they’d joined a bunch of other kids in a rather intense match.

The picket fence was demolished, it seemed.

“Promise to wait for me here tomorrow morning?” Del had asked, as all the kids from the orphanage came together at the same time with a tram. “We can sit together in class after!”

“Sure thing!” JD had extended his hand again, but this time it was in a fist, only his pinky standing out. “Promise!”

Del had laughed and crossed pinkies with him still, happy to see that despite the initial shyness, JD was not really much different from him.

They’d hugged goodbye, and Del watched as JD’s parents had picked him up while waiting for his own group to gather so that they could go back to the orphanage.

And that night, for the first time since he’d set foot in there, Del found himself waiting for the next morning with excitement.

* * *

***

They had been inseparable since. Sitting side by side, playing, causing a moderate amount of mischief. JD always seemed to hold back some, muttering about not wanting to get in trouble and have his dads called over.

But it had been fun regardless, and the months rolled by, until summer came again.

That was the time when school ended, and Del had been dreading it for a long while. It meant he wouldn’t see JD until the next Bounty, and he couldn’t even think of what he used to do on his own before school had started.

Then as they’d sat under the shade of a large oak tree, eating their lunch and sharing what was in each other’s boxes, JD had asked him.

“Do you want to come with me to my dad’s farm?” He’d sounded serious, a glimpse of that same uncertainty he’d held himself with the day they’d met.

“A farm? I thought your dad was living in New Ephyra, he’s on the TV when they talk about DBi.”

“No, my other dad. Marcus.” JD had brushed away the crumbs from his sandwich, carefully drying his hands away with a napkin. “He lives outside the city, and I was with him before I was old enough to go to school. Damon too, but he comes here to pick me up, and we live in the mansion.”

“Outside the city? No one lives there but outsiders, and it’s against the law.” Del said as a matter-of-fact. The only farms he knew of were the ones in the fifth quadrant of the city, and the greenhouses in the industrial area that they had visited on one school trip.

“He did before there was a law.” JD shrugged his shoulders, picking a wrapped candy from his lunchbox. “And he helped Damon build New Ephyra. So they can do whatever they want.”

“When we lived in a settlement, my parents were told to move immediately once there was a house made for us.” Del started, but his voice dropped by the end of the sentence. He hadn’t really spoken much about his parents, and whenever he did, it made him sad.

“So will you come?” JD asked again, trying to catch Del’s eye. “It will be really fun, I promise! There’s so much cool things we can see!”

“No one will let me go with you.” Del absentmindedly poked at his fruit salad, his appetite gone. “We never go anywhere for the summer, and to be allowed out? I don’t think so, even if I want to.”

“But I asked dad already. He said if you wanted to, you can come with us.” JD sounded so eager that Del actually paused, frowning. “He’ll speak to people he needs to and they’ll let you, trust me!”

“You sure you’re not making that up?” He asked, squaring his shoulders. But a part of him was already thinking about summer days spent running and playing, no lessons or other kids in the way, just him and JD and whatever waited to be discovered outside the city walls.

“Hey! That would be lying. It’s bad to lie.” JD pouted, but in the next second his expression beamed with glee. “You know what, we’ll just ask him when he comes to pick me up today. You’ll see!”

“Ok then, deal?” Del extended his hand, looking all serious. JD wasted no time in shaking it, and they both laughed at the inside joke. It had become their thing now, after JD had told him that before going to school, he hadn’t actually played with other kids, and didn’t really know what had been expected of him.

Del had been shocked at that, but secretly made a promise to himself to never berate JD for his oddities, and instead be a good friend, always making sure they had fun together.

The sun was still shining bright when the school day had ended, but true to his word, Del waited along JD on a bench near the entrance.

Not long after, a car with open hood stopped by, the man diving it getting out and waving in their direction.

Del recognized him as Damon Baird, his image often coming up in magazines or news channels that he’d caught a glimpse of in the caretakers’ lounge. But for Del, he remained simply JD’s dad – the one always picking him up from school, even if at times a different person was driving him in the morning.

It had been less than a handful of times that Del had seen Marcus – and now with JD’s explanation of his whereabouts, the difference suddenly made a lot more sense.

“Daddy, come over!” JD had shouted in the meantime, still sitting on the bench, their backpacks at his feet. “Del wants to ask you something.”

“Alright buddy, I’m coming.” Baird wore sunglasses and a lose cotton dress shirt with matching trousers, waving at himself because of the hot evening air. “Hello Delmont, nice to meet you.”

“Nice meeting you too, sir.” Del said, biting his lip. This was the moment of truth, and he tried to gather the words to speak. “Can I really come with JD for the summer vacation? He said you can ask the orphanage’s manager.”

“Sure thing kid, they won’t give me any problems about it. If you want to come, I think it’ll be really nice, you and JD already spent a lot of time together.” Baird had put his glasses on his forehead, and the lines around his eyes deepened as he smiled. His blonde hair shone in the sun, the same shade as JD’s. “He says you two are good friends.”

“We are!” Del proclaimed, and threw an arm over JD’s shoulders, bringing him closer in a half-hug. “And thank you so much, sir! I thought it was not allowed for anyone to be out of the city.”

“Well, that’s more of a well-meaning suggestion more than anything. And as long as you listen to me and Marcus while out there, everyone’s gonna be safe and sound.” Baird paused for a moment, looking at the complicated watch on his wrist. “Stay here, I’ll go inside and give a call to the people currently responsible for you Del. See what I can work out, and say after that, do you two wanna go get some ice cream?”

“Yes!” Del smiled, feeling himself count the seconds. Soon he’d know if this would really become the best vacation he could’ve had.

“Definitely!” JD jumped up from the bench, giving Baird a hug, who caught him mid-way and spun him around in the air, before bringing him back down.

“Ok then, stay put now like I said. I’ve got one more surprise for you too – your dad’s in the mansion. He’s waiting for us, and we can leave tomorrow morning.” Baird ruffled JD’s hair goodheartedly, before going to the school building to make his call.

“Oh this is gonna be amazing.” JD said and almost threw himself back on the bench, looking at Del with a grin. “You’re gonna love it. There’s so many trees, and flowers and you can pick your own vegetables. There’s a pond we can swim in! And it’s so pretty at night, with stars and sometimes dad lights a fire outside and we can stay up—“

“I can’t wait, believe me! JD, thank you.” Del bumped their shoulders together, catching JD’s attention mid-sentence. “You really are the best friend I’ve ever had.”

“R-really? Because you’re my best friend too.” JD’s entire face was a shade of red, his freckles standing out. “And I’m happy that you want to go with us.”

Even after years, Del always remembered that late afternoon and the sense of happiness and adventure which had filled his heart back then. They’d gone to have ice cream, JD marveling at the flavors and wanting them try each one, while Del had been buzzing with energy alongside him.

Knowing that he only had to gather his clothes from the orphanage later, and they could be on their way tomorrow once Marcus and Damon sign a document of sorts, made him feel like he had finally found a place to belong again.

And that was the beginning of a tradition which went unbroken for years – every summer and winter vacation, JD and Del made the big trip outside the city walls, spending months living with Marcus, running wild in the estate’s grounds. Baird was with them most of the time, and also made sure to bring them together on any official holidays and days of celebration.

Not long after, he and Marcus had asked Del if he wanted them to adopt him as their son. For all the time he had spent wondering why he was alone in the orphanage, faced with that decision Del realized he couldn’t forget his own parents so easily. Even if nobody asked that of him, he couldn’t see himself becoming another’s son. He would always be Delmont Walker.

But he did agree to the idea of a foster home – the mansion Baird had built had more rooms than he could fill, even with lots of his workers from the DBi production lines and their families being invited to stay, an entire wing sat empty. JD had told him he’d be happy for them to live together, and Del had agreed.

Having his own space again brought him a sense of independence he’d missed, but the large dining room bustling with noise at mealtime easily felt like a home he’d fit in.

The years rolled by, with him and JD side to side, always. They almost seemed to try and outgrow each other, Damon joking about them running out of clothes before he could buy them new ones. School had some challenging subjects and moments, but they had made it through.

However, neither seemed to have solid ideas about what could come after it. Del found himself drawn to some science subjects, along with history, but wasn’t too good at math. JD was great at PE and languages, almost instinctively picking up any tune to play on guitar or hum along with.

Del wondered where their life could lead them, until the open door days came.

The COG had always been a solid presence in New Ephyra, last but not least on the days of remembrance. And in many ways was hailed as the most prestigious path anyone could take, after all what would be better than to follow in the footsteps of the people who’d brought salvation to this world?

Del had his doubts initially, when the recruiters had come along, with long and colorful lectures about the wonderful conditions and benefits which the military academy offered, something only the best of the best could reach to after they were put to the test.

He’d overheard more than one hushed late-night conversation between Marcus and Baird, or some of the older Gears who’d come to the house at times, always jovial at dinner. But once the deep of night came, their words would take on a more somber tone, the topics revolving around one battle or another, of loss and pain and destitution.

Of never-ending nightmares, of monsters in the shadows that their eyes could never stop looking for.

He and JD slept in their own room when at the grounds of Marcus’ land, his small cottage separated in two. But even the thick stone walls couldn’t mute sound completely, and Del had woken more than once to muffled screaming. Jumping abruptly, he’d listened, only for JD to pull him over and say _‘It’s just dad’s nightmares Del. Go to sleep.’_ As if that had been normal, just something he grew up with.

But that’s exactly what it had been, as Del found out later.

Marcus, who looked as stoic and enduring as a mountain, still bore scars deep enough to disrupt his sleep so viscerally, ones not as easily hidden under clothing as those of the flesh.

War had no prestige, this much he knew.

But the COG didn’t really have an enemy nowadays either. No other nation to fight for resources with, no monsters to push back at. So Del had begun to wonder, if the academy wasn’t a good place to start at after all. A sort of boost in life, a few orderly years through a turbulent youth while one was looking for their purpose.

They had talked about it, and JD seemed just as willing to give it a try as Del would. Though it wasn’t until much later than he’d find that JD had more reasons than those.

He had actually believed it was something which he should do because it was the right thing to, a way to honor those who had fallen for their freedom.

And despite Marcus’ harsh rebuttal, JD hadn’t budged in his determination.

It was a decision which Del often thought back on, especially at the look of disappointment that Marcus had given him too. In his mind, it said wordlessly, _‘You should have done better. For him, for yourself. Why didn’t you change his mind?’._

But after over a decade of doing quite the opposite, and encouraging JD in everything, Del found out he couldn’t find the will to stop him. JD had found his confidence, and while from time to time he still got that bashful, faraway shy look, it was a lot more rarely now.

And once the reality of Marcus’ words had struck, JD was hellbent on going through with his plan. Of proving he could stand by his choices, the reasons he’s had for them. So Del joined him, thinking they would go through this together, like they had with everything else so far.

That maybe they’d convince Marcus to change his mind over time, to smoothen out the rough line in the sand he’d drawn between himself and JD.

Because it hadn’t been that long beforehand, that Marcus had supported them in an entirely different decision.

Del and JD were best friends for years, close knit as they get. But on one late summer evening, the harvest moon shining bright in the sky above them, they had become something more.

They’d been sitting on the tree house, eating pieces of JD’s birthday cake and looking over the gardens, the wind blowing in the trees, making a sound like the ocean.

Del had never seen the ocean, but JD had. He’d told him it was beautiful, and that the waves crashing in the shore sounded just like it.

Said it was so big and blue you could feel your gaze unable to hold it all in, and would just watch and watch to the point where it met the sky. And sit with your toes in the sand, water relentlessly lapping at the shore.

The night was full of the sounds of nocturnal birds and insects, a song Del knew one could not hear within the walls of the city. Sitting side to side then, he’d watched JD’s face, the soft glow of a lantern casting gentle light over him.

There was nowhere else Del wanted to be at that precise moment, not even the ocean. All the blue he needed, was right there in JD’s eyes.

JD had turned, about to say something, but fallen silent when he’d caught Del’s gaze. There was still a piece of cake in his hand, and Del had suddenly found himself wondering if his lips would taste as sweet as the frosting, if he could find out.

He’d leaned in almost subconsciously, halfway there before realizing; but JD had followed his lead, looking at him with a mix of hope and adoration.

It hadn’t been difficult, closing the remaining space between them after that.

JD had tasted sweet indeed.

They’d held each other close that night, looking at the starry sky in silence, stealing eagerly given kisses.

It continued on afterwards, never taking away from what their friendship was, but bringing so much more that neither have had the chance to want or experience before.

Keeping it a secret had been logical, just another personal thing between them that others weren’t privy to. But there’s only as much either of them could’ve been careful with, when the connection seemed so natural, it didn’t often warrant thinking.

JD’s hand lingering on his, the way they’d look at each other from time to time, sparing no glance to anyone else. Sitting too close, practically draped in each other’s lap as they watched a movie, or played a game; Del reading his book while JD dozed off, running fingers through his hair.

Of all things, Marcus had actually caught them in the kitchen one day.

They’d been up early, making breakfast and trying to keep their voices down, laughing at something that Del couldn’t even recall. JD had come up behind him, holding him as Del did his best not to burn the pancakes, getting a kiss for every successful one.

He didn’t even know how long Marcus had been there for, but when JD had started to get a bit more handsy, a gruff hum coming from the doorway had startled them, enough to have Del nearly drop the pan on his own feet.

“Sorry to interrupt, but I was thinking there’d be some coffee at this hour.” At that, he’d walked next to the glass press which was slowly filtering the said coffee, and filled a mug. Grabbing a pancake from the pile on the counter, he’d strolled past them, lifting a brow in undecipherable expression, then left the kitchen.

JD had practically frozen next to him, and Del nudged him, pulling at his chin so that he could place a kiss on his cheek.

“By Marcus’s standards, I think we’ve been given the all clear.” He’d quipped, trying to hide the fact that his own heart was hammering wildly in his chest. For as much as he’d grown to like and respect JD’s dads, Marcus always managed to get him to feel just a little bit unnerved. The look he gave people sometimes, like he’d been sizing you up and wasn’t certain if you met his expectations.

“Yeah, well, here’s to hoping. He’s not very chatty in the morning.” JD had said in turn, his arms tightening around Del’s waist.

“Hah, you mean to tell me there’s a time when he is chatty?” Del joked, but admit to himself that this hadn’t been exactly the way he’d imagined them breaking the news to either Marcus or Baird.

“You got me there.” JD had reached to turn off the gas stove, before taking the pan from Del’s hands and putting it away. “Now, how about we take these and go upstairs, hm?”

“James-Dominic Fenix, you have no shame.” Del swatted at his hand, but took the plate regardless, while JD got the coffee.

“Hey, nothing wrong with having breakfast by ourselves sometimes.” He said nonchalantly, though the look he gave to the maple syrup bottle almost made Del bark out a laugh.

In the end, they had gone upstairs, and stayed way past breakfast. Nobody went to bother them, and in the following weeks Marcus didn’t say anything on the matter. However, Baird had given a knowing smirk to Del one evening, along with a very brief, very depictive form of shovel talk which regarded the possibility of Del ever hurting JD somehow.

And after swearing to all things there were that this was never going to be his intention, Del had indeed been left, to well, be. And time again, he came to realize how well he fit in the place he’d chosen to stay. Or the one life had lead him to, that is. Both options seemed valid, as long as the outcome had him right where he was.

* * *

***

Evening out his breathing as the tears dried on his skin, Del turned to the side, watching Fahz’s sleeping face. He seemed more open and vulnerable than he’d ever seen him, and without the glasses Del almost felt like he was looking at a different man.

In a way, he was different to him, their shared experiences of the past days had made it so. The Fahz he knew from military academy and their active duty after it, despite still being haughty was nothing to the recklessly brave and caring Fahz he’d got to know now.

He used to be jealous, that JD was spending time with him after the Hammer incident, unable to understand what could he possibly find underneath so much arrogance. But facing his own judgment, Del realized that Fahz had been there for JD when he himself wasn’t, too self-righteous to speak to him about what happened at Settlement Two, and why JD had kept the truth about it to himself.

Been there for him despite, and through whatever conflicting emotions and survivor’s guilt that JD had struggled with, along with the heavy physical trauma he’d sustained. Del had failed him, accepted the times JD had been distant at face value, as no longer being wanted. They’d both been in the wrong, but he’d only had his own ego to blame for it, blindsided by emotion. Like he hadn’t seen what PTSD could do to people, like he hadn’t grown up watching Marcus shut himself away and Baird finding a way to get back to him, time and time again.

Del could have done that for JD, but hadn’t.

And he regretted it deeply now, but could no longer make amends.

So when he’d heard the concern in Fahz’s voice as they fought, seen the way he was looking out for JD, keeping him safe the same way Del himself had, he’d understood. When Fahz had slammed into that snatcher, a split-second decision which had saved Del’s life, he’d realized he wanted to make things right between them.

To set aside their disagreements in the past, for as much as everyone had picked on Fahz to be an outcast, now that Del was drowning in his grief, he saw that they weren’t much different in the ways which mattered.

Hence the uncertain connection that had formed between them the previous evening, the mutual desire to seek comfort in one another prevailing over rational thought. A decision Del couldn’t bring himself to regret at the moment; not when he knew that without it, they both would’ve had to face this day alone.

And all the ones to come after it.

* * *

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here's some Del love ♥ (and angst)  
> This chapter just flew from under my fingers hah.


	7. Desperation

Fahz’s eyes were blue.

A different shade of blue than JD’s, like the water in a deep lake. But still, the resemblance was enough to get a bolt of pain through Del’s heart. He was so used to seeing Fahz with shades only, he’d nearly forgotten the fact.

He dimly realized that blue would always remain JD’s color for him from now on, regardless where he saw it.

Looking at Fahz’s sullen expression in the dreary morning light, he found himself restless, but lacking direction to focus his energy on, like an engine left running in a motionless car.

They’d made coffee, silently agreeing that neither felt able to stomach anything further.

“We should find Kait. See how’s she holding up.” Del finally broke the silence, remembering that he hadn’t had the chance to talk with her after yesterday’s rescue ops. He’d been busy helping Fahz after, and later… Well, they were both here for the same reason.

“Yeah, we should.” Fahz seemed like he was about to add something more, but in the end didn’t, gaze falling to the half-empty mug in his hands. Both of his palms were wrapped around it, and it seemed like he was using it more to keep warm, rather than drink.

Del’s own mug sat empty; he’d chased the bitter taste of his dreams with its contents, more out of habit than anything else.

The grey light of the day where it passed through the half-downed blinds revealed the bruising that spread over Fahz’ cheekbone, a dark blue hue meeting the deep shadows under his eyes. Del caught himself thinking he was so beautiful still, even with his battle-scarred face and the profound sadness painted all over his features. 

Quietly, he reached over, fingers resting on Fahz’s hand. He felt himself craving the simple contact, as much as it had started by being a gesture meant to bring the man comfort.

The corner of Fahz’s lips curled in a half-smile at that, and he turned his hand, holding Del’s. His palm was rough and warm, carrying the signs of heavy work.

“Look at us, eh. Who would’ve thought?” Fahz said, his tone light but somewhat wistful.

Del felt a weight settle at the back of his throat, preventing him from speaking. Who would’ve thought indeed. Maybe, a day ago, even he. Though back then, those thoughts would’ve ran an entirely different path, one he tried very hard not to let himself think of right now.

Instead, he leaned over the table, hand still holding Fahz’s, and pressed their lips together.

The kiss was simple, firm yet soft. Fahz’s other hand fell to the nape of his neck, just resting there, a welcome warm weight.

Pulling away slightly, Del caught his gaze for a moment, before moving to stand completely.

“We should go. Jinn might send people out again, or try to get the patrol schedules handled without us.” Trying to think of routine and duty felt so distant, almost alien to Del – something which had become as natural as breathing in the last few months, now ran hollow and dull.

They still had a war to fight out there, people to protect. But it was as if some numbness had overtaken him, down to the very ability to run on automation, each action requiring tremendous amount of effort.

“Speaking of, I do need to get my glasses today.” Fahz rubbed a hand over his forehead, frowning lightly. “I get headaches if I spend too long staring at the world all blurred-up.”

“Where did you say your spares were?” Del got a sinking feeling in his gut; he was mentally preparing himself to face the world again today, but wasn’t certain that this included his old dorm. The one he’d shared with JD, and which had been where Fahz was staying too, after he himself had transferred. Seeing it again, or more so, seeing JD’s space without him in it would’ve been pouring salt over a wound still bleeding.

“The basement. In my gym locker.” Fahz’s words were a relief. That, Del could handle. For now at least. Maybe if he didn’t look at the one with JD’s name on it.

He couldn’t avoid all this forever. Any of it, in fact. But right now, he had to – it felt like distance was the only thing that could keep him from falling apart.

Finding Kait was a priority he could focus on, even if it meant he was buying time on more than one front.

Because since he’d given Marcus the tags, he hadn’t seen either him of Baird.

The men who’d been almost like fathers to him, who’d practically raised him. Who’d been there with him and JD through nearly their whole lives.

Watching Marcus struggling to not break down when he and Kait had returned alone, feeling his hands tremble when he took the tags. It had been too much, making Del wonder how he was supposed to handle any of this, how were either of them supposed to just continue. Continue fighting, shooting, breathing.

Hell, he didn’t even know if Baird knew, or it had been up to Marcus to bring him the news; exhausted and in the aftermath of New Ephyra’s near defeat.

Del couldn’t but feel he’d failed them both.

He’d failed to keep JD safe, to bring him back to them. Failed to get his body home either, failed to be there for them in a way that mattered.

The guilt just kept growing, the more he thought about it.

And with it, the realization that this must have been how JD felt after Settlement Two.

Back then, Del had been shocked, he’d been shaken up so badly he’d known he wanted nothing more than to run, to leave the COG and all the blood smeared over his name.

He’d not killed any of the protestors, just tried to defend himself and the others. But Fahz had, and JD had, and it had been JD’s order to finally open fire when things had escalated beyond their control.

Dealing with that knowledge had created the rift between them that Del never got the chance to mend. And while he’d grown to know JD truly regretted his actions, up until now, Del hadn’t understood how the guilt must’ve made him process things at first. Had made both of them process it really, and not even just them – but Fahz too.

Each of the three had dealt with it in his own way, but they all had felt it, one way or another. For Del it had been anger, regret, the self-righteousness of changing his ways. JD had kept the truth to himself, but left along with Del, worked for their new life as Outsiders by his side to make amends. Fahz had bragged, pretending not to be appalled and saying that following orders was what soldiers did, but Del knew better now.

After he’d thought about the fact that Fahz told them JD’s secret, Del realized it had been his expression of that same guilt – trying to show that he was no different from the man Del held up to par, that the way they’d singled him out had fallen on null grounds. Even if he hadn’t left alongside them, Fahz had become close with JD after the Hammer incident, both of them undoubtedly dealing with the weight of their shared history in a way that had ended up with them being friends, or more.

Del wasn’t certain about the last part. He had his suspicions, and Fahz’s reaction yesterday (and now) had him thinking that maybe some of the rumors he’d heard were true after all, and that there had been something else between the two.

Then again, Gears gossiped like housewives, so despite the sting of jealousy that had risen whenever he’d heard something on the matter, Del had tried to keep his thoughts from spiraling.

He and JD had been in an unofficial time-out, or whatever it was called when one side had been pissed off at the distant other, but neither had talked it through. What he did know, was that he still loved JD – even if feeling betrayed by the truths he hadn’t know about him, and being angry at the abrupt change that had seemingly taken hold of him after the Hammer incident.

So Del had hoped that JD would at least tell him if he’d decided they were over, that he would be in a different relationship.

But the answer to that mattered little now.

If anything, Del found himself thinking he’d be goddamned happy if JD told him he’d moved on, if only it meant that he was still alive to say it.

Be as it may, reality was always more cruel.

“Does this need changing, do ye’ reckon?” Fahz’s voice brought him out from the well of thoughts he’d fallen into. Looking at him, Del realized he meant the bandage on his arm, which was faintly stained where it covered the wound he himself had mended the last evening.

“I think so. It’s been what, 11-12 hours since, maybe more?” He hadn’t checked the clock by the time they’d gotten in the room, and later on they’d been exhausted enough to have slept without waking though the whole night. “Let’s take care of it real quick, best not take any chances. That cut was deep.”

“Yeah, and it still hurts some.” Moving his arm slowly, Fahz winced as he got it up to the middle of his chest. “Not sure if it’ll be of much use for a while.”

“You don’t need to do anything until it heals at least a bit.” Del said while rummaging in a cupboard for the medkit he knew he’d put somewhere a while back. “No point in damaging it further, as it is your dominant arm, right?”

“I’m ambidextrous, actually. So I can shoot well enough with both, if I had to.” Fahz mentioned it nonchalantly, but Del remembered he’d aced the sniper practice every time in the academy, and was a well-known marksman amongst the Gears. Maybe that unusual ability had benefited him in mastering up that particular skillset.

“The shootin’ part’s alright, but how about the weight of the rifle? The kick?” Del said with a turn of his head, having finally spotted the box with the medical supplies. “Don’t think you should risk it, man. Not with who knows what still out there.” His voice fell low at the last part, and he focused on picking out the antiseptic, bandages and tools he’d need.

Fahz had remained uncharacteristically quiet at that, and Del simply began working on changing his bandage.

He hadn’t told him what killed JD, and Fahz hadn’t asked.

They’d dealt with Pouncers, Watchers, Flocks and even Swarmaks, and so far the Snatchers had somehow been the worst. But even those tended to give the victim some leeway, some desperate last line of attack that could be breached.

But the monster who’ve had them had been cunning, and cruel. Within seconds, Del had felt the world around him fade with the tightness of the pressure around his throat, the tense tentacle as hard as stone under his struggling fingers. He hadn’t had the chance to think, to reach for his gun or knife by following any other instinct than the most basic one, the prey struggling uselessly as it was crushed in the claws of the predator.

So the last thing he wanted was to have anyone else face it unprepared, or already injured. Even if it didn’t lurk in the outskirts of the city, Del didn’t want to take any chances.

He’d have to talk to Baird about it, with the First Minister too maybe.

They had to find a way to get to it, to end it before it destroyed them completely. And if there was a way for Del to carve the thing’s heart out, if it even had one, he wanted to do it.

And burn the rest, or bury it in the deepest ocean, never to see the light of day again.

For JD.

For everyone they had lost. Even if meant fighting to his last breath to do it, he would.

* * *

***

By the time they dressed and went to the wing where women’s dormitories were, the sun had risen higher in the sky. Every now and then a stray ray would pierce the grey winter clouds, casting almost painfully bright light in the cold world outside.

There were still plumes of smoke rising from behind the wall, their black columns coming from the old city ruins.

A terse atmosphere had overtaken New Ephyra, weighting down through many small ways, such as the King Ravens patrolling the skies; the way everyone they’d met so far walked determined, focused on one task or another. No laughter or conversation breaking from the sparse groups of people forming and disbanding in the large building, only sporadic, hushed whispers.

It was as if the world was mourning with him, Del thought.

And in a way, maybe that wasn’t far from the truth. Everyone who had fought the Swarm for months now had held hope – that the city can last, that their army was stronger, the technological advancements on their side – superior, and the great walls, impenetrable.

Instead, they’d seen the struggle to contain an overwhelming force, the failure of the COG’s most fabled, and feared superweapon. Or of keeping it under their control, at least. The Hammer satellites were up there, they were functional, but rendered practically useless when the targeting beacons were destroyed.

The same beacons that had nearly cost their lives back in Vasgar. And that had done more harm than good in the end, Del thought regretfully. Without them, he and JD would’ve never been out there, protecting them. Wouldn’t have let the Swarm’s Queen or whatever it was catch them unprepared. An error of judgment which cost JD’s life in the end.

Suddenly, he remembered something Paduk had said to them while they’d struggled to assemble the rocket in that hangar. How launching the Hammer of Dawn would be a mistake.

Whatever reason he’s had to say it back then, Del couldn’t agree more with him now.

The Hammer had worked, stopping the Kraken under Jack’s guidance, but the cost seemed much greater than the no doubt only temporary reprieve.

And then there was the fact that they had all gone and acted in direct insubordination with the First Minister’s orders about it as a whole. From finding those satellites, to launching and triangulating them, to using them.

“Shit…” Del muttered, realizing that was another thing he’d undoubtedly had to face today. With Delta scattered about as it was, he didn’t even know what he’d say to Mina Jinn to justify his actions, apart from the truth she already knew and had dismissed.

“What is it?” Fahz asked, stopping next to him. They had actually reached Kait’s dormitory, standing in front of the closed door.

“Just realized we’re in for an earful from the First Minister. She wasn’t exactly on board with our plan to use the Hammer, remember?” Leaning on the wall next to the door, Del let his head thud back against the hard surface, closing his eyes for a moment.

“Huh, you’re right. I’d basically forgotten that. In-between everything else…” Del caught a glimpse of Fahz right as the man averted his gaze, a trace of guilt painted across his expression. Even back with the glasses, Del found it easier to read him than before. Still, he felt that there was something he was missing, eluding him like a wrong perception shift.

“I wonder if she’d managed to bother Baird or Marcus yet. Assuming she’s found them. I haven’t seen them since the Kraken went down.” Del tilted his head, lost in thought for a second. “Have you?”

“What?” Fahz looked up quickly, his reaction almost startled.

“Have you seen Marcus, or Baird yesterday? I remember you and Paduk took Cole to the med wing, and then I saw you only briefly before everyone returned from the search and rescue.” Del recalled Fahz saying he had to do something before joining those ops, making Kait and Del go without him. He hadn’t thought much of it, not after seeing him all roughened up in the medical ward afterwards.

“Yeah, I did see them. And speaking of, we should probably check up on Cole today too. Maybe Baird would be there too, I hear they’re old friends.” Fahz said, rubbing at his chin, fingers going over the coarse line of his beard.

“Thick as thieves, the two of them. Known each other for most of their lives, fought the entire war side by side.” Del added, thinking of the stories both Baird and Cole had told him and JD when they were kids, and not only then. Cole was the closest Del felt he had to an uncle, and a great, kind man. Though seeing him in battle made Del realize he had exactly the brand of crazy that was likely the initial foundation of his friendship with Damon Baird. As the two of them often couldn’t seem more different, yet it was like their personalities matched what one lacked to the other. “We’ll definitely go find him, let’s just get Kait too.”

With that, Del knocked on the door quickly, rapping his knuckles over the heavy wooden surface.

They waited, but no sound came through from within. Even if Kait was still asleep (which Del found unlikely, having gotten used to always seeing her up early, sometimes way before dawn or even anyone else) he expected at least her roommate to be awake. While the COG’s dormitories were rather well-made and spacious, everyone was still required to pick bunkmates as a good practice of teamwork and camaraderie.

“Maybe they’re out?” Fahz mused, shrugging his shoulders. “Could try the mess hall next.”

“Nah, let’s just…” Del quickly looked from side to side, relieved to find the corridor empty, for the moment. Pressing the door handle, he felt the door open inward.

Locking the doors wasn’t a practice in the men’s dorms, and apparently here either.

“Might be nothing, but let’s just take a quick look.” He said, walking inside and motioning for Fahz to follow him.

“Mmm I’m not entirely sure about that mate.” Still, despite the word of protest, Fahz went inside as well, and Del closed the door behind them. “Do you think she could’ve left the city again? Where to even?”

“I don’t know. But man… yesterday was a clusterfuck of a lot of things she might feel bad about. Who knows what’s on her mind.” Del didn’t add that there weren’t even any more Outsider settlements left for her to reach out to, but somehow he didn’t think she would anyways.

But one never knew with Kait.

Even being friends as long as they were, and having grown closer in the past months when JD had been distant with them, Del often found himself uncertain of what she thought about or wanted. She could talk to him of unrelated things, then go on and do something out of the blue that no one expected. If anything, Marcus had seemed like the only one at least somewhat able to speak the same language with her, when it came to serious topics.

Then again, Del couldn’t really blame her for it. He himself had barely opened up about his past, believing that remaining firmly rooted in the present was best for everyone. Only JD had known certain things about him, but that perk had come with the fact that they had grown up together. There hadn’t, and likely never would be anyone else that Del would trust so much.

And even that very trust and belief he’d had in JD had been shaken after he learned the truth about Settlement Two. The reasons and the deeds themselves aside, one of the things which had struck Del the most deeply, was the fact that JD hadn’t trusted him enough to tell him something like this in turn.

“So what are we looking for exactly?” Fahz asked, idly walking through the somewhat messy space. The room could be best described as well-lived in, in sense that whenever the occupants were around, they seemingly prioritized R&R before anything else.

Not entirely untypical for Gear dormitories, though now and then they did get check-ups. Though those had become more scarce and lacksucker once the Swarm was a full-blown thread. No one really cared for a pair of socks or unmade bedding when there were monsters out there in need of killing.

“Well firstly, her armor’s not here.” Looking at the wall hooks still holding some of the armor, Del sighed. “Correction, the desert set isn’t here. The rest are.”

“So? If she’s out, she’s wearing it.” Hands on his waist, Fahz paused. “Wait, we all changed yesterday, when we came back from Vasgar. So this means…”

“She’s gone somewhere hot.” Del crouched down, looking at the Lancer propped on the wall underneath the hooks. The unique wooden stock made a small smile curl on his lips. It was the custom made one that Marcus had given them all when they had come to his lands, chased by the COG and trying to find out more about the Swarm. He’d kept his own as well, but it was nice seeing Kait had done the same, even if she now favored a different main firearm in battle.

And then he saw it.

The cream-colored edge showing behind the grip, which turned out to be a rectangle made of thick paper when he pulled it out.

Unfolding it, he quietly read the message inscribed inside.

Sighing, he got up, glancing at Fahz.

“Not far from the truth I guess.” Fahz lifted an eyebrow, glancing at the note in Del’s hand.

“Bull’s eye, more like it.” Del opened the note again, and cleared his throat, before reading out loud.

“ _Going with Paduk to the desert Nomads. He worries if the Swarm won’t return more vigilant since the retreat from New Ephyra. Might end up hijacking a couple of Condors, but if he’s right, we’re going to need them. Will radio if there’s trouble. Here’s to hoping the First Minister won’t mind some more refugees, if I manage to convince Paduk to bring his people here. At this point, they might be the only large group still out there, on this side of the border at least_.”

“Well, can’t exactly blame them for going. He already lost a lot of people there.” Fahz said with a sigh. “Kinda think we’d have been useful, but suppose they had their reasons for leaving us behind.”

“Makes me wonder too, you know. Perhaps she though… because of JD…” Del’s voice cut off mid-sentence, and he turned away, putting the note in his pocket. There was no point speculating why Kait and Paduk had done things one way instead of the other.

There was still work to be done here too, and at least Del felt reassured that Kait didn’t go off somewhere all alone. They’d talked (well, gossiped is more like it) back on Vasgar, and she said that all things considered, Baird regarded Paduk with respect and trusted the man with his life. So with the right tools in their hands – maybe those Condors she mentioned – their odds out there weren’t too terrible.

“So what do we do now? And actually, was this note meant for you?” Fahz cleared his throat, pointedly looking around them. “Because if not, need I remind you we’re somewhere we’re not exactly allowed to be. Would be an interesting thing to explain if her roommate returns.”

“Yeah, best be on our way.” Del took one last look at the room, trying to see if there was something more that could be useful, even though he didn’t think there’d be anything else. “And I think this note might have been for Marcus, considering the placement. He’s kind of been encouraging that sorta behavior against authority, if anything just because it’s something he’d do in her place.”

“Hm, makes you think, innit.” Following him outside, Fahz pulled his hoodie tighter around himself, his hand fiddling with the string on the hood.

“Think of what?” Del turned, looking at him with a somewhat bemused expression. Actually, he had to admit since hanging out with them, Fahz hadn’t exactly been a prime example of obedient Gear that he’d always seemed to try and pass as either.

“Her and Marcus. You know, I’m not judging or anything. Just wondering.” Fahz’s tone didn’t seem joking, just casual. 

“Fahz. Seriously? That’s what you’ve been thinking?” Del’s voice was a little shocked with disbelief. “No. No no no, man. She’s— I mean yeah, no judgment here either, but that’s not what’s going on. She lost her mom, you know. Her whole family. He’s just been… supportive and stuff, you know? I guess they have a lot in common, when it comes to losing people.”

“Oh. Yeah, I mean, that actually makes sense. Hm.”

“Did you really think—“ In all fairness, Del had admitted to himself long ago that JD came from beautiful people. But to think of them as anything else but parental figures first and foremost, was just a foreign thought. Though Fahz hadn’t known them as such, and apparently his thoughts began elsewhere.

“You know, it was actually JD who was wondering…” Fahz started, but just shook his head. “Whatever, let’s just go. We still have time to get to Cole.”

“Yeah…” Del looked at Fahz’s back, watching him walk away toward the medical center, before following in turn. “Do you really think Baird could be there?”

“Dunno. Then again, he is in charge of all that, isn’t he?” Fahz made a gesture with his hand, something like a circle, seemingly meant to convey the city around them. “Well, the First Minister is supposed to be calling the shots, but he’s the one who makes it work, right? Who builds the machines and actually knows how battles are fought.”

“Bruh, true, but don’t tell her that. Somehow, I don’t think she’d appreciate the sentiment.” Del fell in step alongside Fahz, thinking. “Unless he’s already in trouble about the Hammer and everything else. I won’t put it past Jinn to do it to him, even in such a moment.”

“Maybe Marcus would have a word to say about that to her.” Fahz glanced at Del, slowing down slightly. “Look, there’s something…”

“Hm?” Del slowed down as well, prompted more by Fahz’s tone than anything else.

“Something I’ve been meaning to tell you. For a while now.” Fahz stopped completely, his back turned towards the windows of the corridor, light streaming behind him. It made every bruise and scrape on his skin stand out, especially since he also took off his shades, giving Del a clear view of the vivid blue of his eyes, and the tired lines around them.

“Okay. Go on then.” Crossing his arms, Del waited, uncertain. “I’m listening.” 

“I’ve been trying to – maybe I should’ve done it yesterday, you’d probably be mad as hell that I didn’t actually.” Turning the glasses in his hands, Fahz worried his bottom lip, his eyes darting away from Del’s face in a rare display of diffidence. “And for the record, I still don’t know more today than I did then, so no promises here. But I know I shouldn’t stall further.”

“And yet you are stalling. Come on man, don’t keep me in the dark. Whatever it is, just be out with it already.” Del begun to have an inkling as to what Fahz’ next words would likely be. Had this talk been done between them a couple of days ago, he would’ve undoubtedly been on edge, unwilling to hear the words that would confirm his suspicion. But now, it would do little more than deepen an old wound.

If Fahz wanted to be honest with him, about what had his relationship with JD truly been like, Del would accept it. After all, with the things that had transpired the previous night, he couldn’t blame him for wanting them to be on equal ground. It seemed like a fair start of however this connection they had might end up being like. 

However, when Fahz spoke again, Del felt completely caught off-guard.

“I was with Marcus and Baird yesterday. Before getting messed up by that windflare.” Clearing his throat, Fahz met his eyes. “Clayton Carmine too. We… We went to get JD.”

For a long moment, Del was speechless, struggling to find words.

He had thought about JD’s body underneath the collapsed building, down that sinkhole which led who knows how much further into the old city, from the moment they had fallen into it. He and Kait had actually looked for him, fruitlessly, before breaking down with resignation.

He’d wanted to look for him again, but then they had to focus on the survivors first. After, the windflare had come, the casualty toll had risen, and the uninjured Gears were already stretched thin for the night patrols. Since he’d found Fahz, bleeding and slightly out of it in the impromptu medical ward, they’d both succumbed to exhaustion, shutting off the world for the long night ahead.

Going to get JD was something he planned to do, alongside Marcus and Damon most likely. But to think they already had gone yesterday, Fahz with them, and that he didn’t even know until now…

“We found him. He’s in the building now, but I don’t exactly know where Baird took him.” Fahz’s next words came forth quickly, almost as if he didn’t trust himself to stop talking once he’d started, not before the whole story was out. “And there’s more. But I don’t think I’m much good to explain it properly, and not here either. We can go to his lab, should actually.”

“More?... What more could possibly—“ Del lifted his arms, then sighed and ran his hands over his head, trying to process everything. Would his night have gone differently, had he known all this? Most probably. Exhausted or not, undoubtedly he would’ve held vigil by JD’s body, taking that last moment of being reunited to say a proper goodbye, if there was even such a thing.

It would’ve still been more than what he’d gotten before the building fell, concrete and iron ripping JD away from his grasp.

“We had to hurry, Bard kept saying… He kept saying there’s some chance that he’s still alive, Del. That JD is alive.” Finally, Fahz stepped forward, hands resting on Del’s shoulders. In combination with his words, Del though his knees might give out at that.

“What?!” His voice was barely above a rasp, but the sound was clear in the silent space between them.

“It’s some machine stuff, nanotechnology he called it.” Fahz turned his head in exasperation, seemingly struggling to find the right words. “He was hurt, badly. Really looked like he was… gone, you know?”

“I know Fahz, I was there to see him die, forgot that?” Del couldn’t keep his voice down any longer, the corridor echoing with his shouting. Breathing heavily, he leaned closer to Fahz, practically in his face. “Why didn’t you tell me this last night? Or the moment I found you actually?!”

“I thought you’d think I’ve gone bad in the head, that’s why! I myself almost couldn’t believe there’s a chance at all.” Fahz kept his own voice low, glancing at the empty corridor quickly. “ But there could be, or at least it’s what Baird kept saying. And Marcus seemed to believe him, so I did as well, somewhat. Tried to do all I could to help, but that windflare toppled up our truck on the way back, and I ended up in the med bay.”

“Then we’re going to Baird’s lab. Now.” Del shrugged off Fahz’s hands from his shoulders, striding purposefully towards the main building.

He was practically a step away from running, and the moment that thought crossed his mind, he actually did.

Uncaring for anything else, he ran, Fahz’s words replaying in his head.

* * *

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (did u know Fahz’ eyes were blue?? Bc I didn’t! I was in a shock damn. Rly spent all this time thinking they were brown, but on that very first cutscene where he bickers with the squad and takes off his glasses, they really seem blue! :O)


	8. Waiting for the thunder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Theory is when you know everything but nothing works. Practice is when everything works but you don't know why.”

“So it is true.” Del’s words came out level, his voice breaking at the end.

Marcus just looked at him, waiting for the inevitable moment when the storm in his eyes would break through. For the shouting and the accusations that were sure to follow.

But they didn’t; instead, Del stepped forward with the uncertainty of a devotee, lest the ground he trod on be holy.

His hand reaching to where James was laid on the hospital-issue green sheet, in a cradle of tubes and machinery. The ventilator doing its work in monotone, background noise, James’ chest rising with its controlled pace.

When Del’s palm landed on the exposed skin of his clavicle, Marcus watched him fall to his knees, unable to stand any longer.

Before he could get to him, offer the momentary comfort of his presence, Fahz had already moved. Kneeling next to Del, he put an arm over his shoulders, unable to tear his gaze from the bed either.

“He—… He’s warm.” Del whispered, his thumb brushing against James’ skin, the spot he could reach between the mask and sheet. “Does that mean…?”

Marcus met his eyes, feeling a stab of pain at the raw emotions he could read there. The hope, the need he didn’t dare respond to, fearing that if he speaks too soon he'd break the fragile thread that still holds James’ life to his body.

“Maybe.” The moment the word left his lips, he saw something in Del’s expression shatter. “That is all I can tell you for now, at least before Damon wakes.”

At that, everyone looked to Baird’s sleeping form, almost eerily still against the stark backdrop of the tiles underneath him. Marcus had found a spare blanket and wrapped it over his shoulders at one point, mindful not to wake him unless it was strictly necessary.

“Can’t we ask him now?” Contrary to his question, Del’s voice was still low, as if indeed the room they were in was a place of worship. Marcus thought that maybe it wasn’t so far from the truth – with all which had transpired throughout the night, more silent prayers were made here than in many long-forgotten temples.

“He deserves to rest. I don’t even know how long he’d been up for before he nearly passed out a few hours ago.” His words were accompanied by a shake of the head, and another glance in Baird’s direction, who didn’t appear any more aware of his surroundings than he’d been when IRIS had announced their visitors. Marcus had been surprised at the AI’s remark – he distinctly recalled Baird making a note on not letting anyone through.

But the AI had explained the expressed concern from Fahz and Del’s side, and the decision to let them through based on Fahz’s involvement in retrieving James’ body from the ruins. Marcus kept catching himself thinking of what they’d done this way, rather than as a rescue op – even with all he’d witnessed since.

So he couldn’t blame Del’s haste to come here, to demand answers. But his next response caught Marcus off-guard again.

“Alright… But there’s something else. Something he might want to know sooner rather than later.” Del had gotten up for a moment, enough to place a kiss on JD’s temple, before turning to Marcus.

“If it’s about the whole city’s automated defense systems still depending on him to fix, I think he is aware.” Marcus had seen the multiple warnings flashing across the screens in Baird’s lab when he’d half-stumbled in there after the Kraken went down, but paid little mind to the static noise they outputted. That hadn’t been his priority, and since Baird had joined them on the way to the old city, he figured some automation or another was currently busy handling the collateral damage.

“It’s not that I’m afraid.” It was actually Fahz who spoke, for the first time since the two had entered the room.

“Well don’t keep the suspense.” Running a hand over his eyes, Marcus tried to focus. He was slipping into the role others always seemed to have for him, the one of authority, of being the one to rely on when there was trouble. He found himself taking it on, even when there was nothing he wanted more than to shed the proverbial armor weighting upon his shoulders. Especially at a time like this.

“It’s about Kait… And Paduk. They’ve gone back to Vasgar at some point. Might have slipped out with a Condor or two nonetheless.” Del spoke, still standing next to JD’s bed. He hadn’t let go of him, seemingly in the same way that Marcus had sought a point of contact between them, a reassurance without words. That this was more than a dream, more than a fever vision.

“Paduk had people there, right? The Nomads.” Marcus hummed, thinking of that one time years ago he’d visited them, on a supply run along with Baird. He’d found the austere landscape nearly alien to even Sera’s climate of extremes; the blood-red sands and harsh, unyielding winds forming a land nearly void of life. Or so it seemed on the surface, at least. But the time spend with the Nomads had taught him a lot about their hard, but still illustrious way of living.

Of doing more than just surviving – of living there on their own volition, enraptured with the ascetic beauty of the nature around them.

“Yeah, and maybe they’ll bring them back here.” Marcus could almost hear the unspoken ‘if’ in Del’s tone. If the Swarm hadn’t attacked there simultaneously to New Ephyra, if it wasn’t too late already.

“Then they are going to need all the help they can get.” Remembering Paduk’s parting words once the surgery had been complete, Marcus found himself regretting the outburst he’d had earlier. Maybe without it, Paduk would’ve turned to him with his worries, since Baird had been out like a light.

And there was one more thing which had been gnawing on his mind from a while now. That even with Kait’s help, or despite it, Paduk’s people could be in big trouble. As Kait’s connection to the Swarm appeared to nearly draw them in like a magnet, something that Marcus hadn’t thought possible until he heard of what she and Del had found under Mount Kadar. 

It had been part of why he changed his mind about the Hammer.

Of why he’d sent JD after her when Baird had let it slip that there was a facility with possibly operational satellites the UIR had failed to deploy.

The realization that maybe this would be the only thing powerful enough to stop the Swarm, or at least stall them for a while, help protect the city.

Ultimately, he had been wrong. The Hammer wasn’t enough. It hadn’t been enough in the Locust war, but now his father’s legacy proved to carry even more suffering, long after Marcus thought he’d seen it all. When the COG had turned it against their own cities, their own people.

A nation ravaged by war, which ended up as nothing but ash.

To think what had failed then, would help now, was a fool’s hope.

And the fear, which had plagued their nightmares, was back in a lifetime that had taken its toll already.

Marcus didn’t know if he could believe they would win again. Even a win that only brought time, versus seeing everyone he loved slip from his grasp time and time again.

“Maybe we can get the First Minister to send Gears there, to help.” Fahz spoke again, shifting his weight with uncertainty. “When we were evacuating the settlements, she was adamant to help the outsiders too.”

“You really think Jinn would listen to us after all this?” Del said with exasperation. “And with how hard we got hit last night… I doubt she’ll care for anyone who’s not here.”

“Mina Jinn might be many things, but I wouldn’t say she finds anyone… expendable.” Marcus cut through their conversation with a conviction that surprised even him, as cynical as that was. “I was born before the Locust war, and saw a world as close as you might get to know now. But her? She’d been born when it all fell apart. She values human lives above anything else.”

“And maybe that’s what will stop her.” Fahz added. “I was in the infirmary yesterday, and there were a lot of Gears there Marcus. Most didn’t look like they were gonna make it through the night.”

“Plus Vasgar is technically sovereign territory now, isn’t it?” Del lifted his shoulders, his expression grim. “She could at least send DB’s though.”

“If the one making the DB’s tells her the people there are refugees, she’ll agree on evac.” Marcus sighed, thinking on Baird’s complicated relationship with the Gorasni and the Nomads. Throughout the years of peace, he’d kept a lot of friendships and connections he’d fostered throughout the war. Hence his willingness to help them when they asked, but still respect their autonomy. Something which the new COG wasn’t particularly fond of.

Jinn’s overbearing protectiveness of her people clashed with the views of those unwilling to live in an utilitarian cityscape, preferring the freedom and self-sufficiency of living among nature, even with the hardships that came along with that choice. Something Marcus himself had wanted from day one – hell, it had been something he wanted for damn near his entire life.

When war and barracks and following orders or giving them had become too much, when he just wanted a life quiet enough to drown his thoughts in. Something even Baird’s love had never got to change – hence why he lived on his lands, and only came to the city to be with him and James during some of his school years. Summer vacations had been something he cherished more than he’d ever said, but he also hadn’t been willing to miss out on his son’s life for the winter months either.

So he’d lived in the mansion, watched Baird work on his machines, watched JD and Del grow.

Jinn had wanted him present on many occasions, and especially wished him to ‘be a good example’ to Outsiders by finally choosing city life permanently – something that he would’ve never yielded to, had the circumstances not changed so dramatically in the past year.

So the question of whether or not Paduk’s people would agree to her terms in return for refuge, was a loaded one. They hadn’t given up their pride and identity for all those years, and doing it under pressure now seemed a terrible clause to affront on anyone. Even if it was in hope the war will end soon and they can return home – Marcus knew from experience, that wars never ended as soon as people wished them to.

And living among people with such various visions of life, of the how and why and what in it, that New Ephyra had become, meant one had to proceed with caution. Scared, worried and angry people never made for a good mix, especially enclosed by some form of walls.

With the Swarm seemingly growing stronger day by day, Marcus doubted New Ephyra could hold out for long – under pressure both from the outside an in.

They needed a solution. But above all else, they had find a way to help Paduk now.

Which meant just one thing.

“It’s time to wake Baird.”

“We can at least get the man a coffee first.” Fahz said after they’d all taken another glance in Baird’s direction. “He really does look like he’s got the brunt of it.”

“And you only know the half of it.” Marcus muttered, almost to himself. Baird really did look exhausted still, even as he slept. Dark circles under his eyes, his skin paler than usual. Marcus stood up with a deep sigh, before moving to kneel next to him. Placing a gentle hand of his shoulder, he shook him slightly, speaking in soft tone. “Damon, wake up.” 

Watching him slowly come to, made a small part of Marcus ache with a bittersweet emotion, something he couldn’t quite name. They’d both come a long way from sleeping with one eye open next to battlefields. But Baird had definitely adjusted somewhat better, when it came to rest at least. But then again, he never dreamt much.

Though Marcus knew there was more to it than that. Knew that for the past twenty five years, it had been mostly him to wake Baird – as they’d slept side by side. Damon had trusted him on an instinctual level, to feel so safe next to him.

“Marcus… What’s happenin’” A bloodshot eye cracked open, looking at him through blonde eyelashes. “Is it James?”

Before the words even left his mouth fully, Baird had jerked up, almost sitting.

“No, no. It’s alright, he’s still… The same as you left him.” Marcus swallowed hard, trying to gather himself. “It’s about Paduk. Something you might want to know.”

“Oh.” Baird didn’t lay down again, but he did accept the arm Marcus had wrapped over his waist, and leaned on him, shutting his eyes for a moment. “What has that old fool gotten himself into now?”

“Maybe taking on the Swarm with a Condor, a bunch of pissed off Nomads, and Kait.” Marcus felt a note of amusement show through his tone. One thing he’d grown to know throughout the years was that Baird always seemed to end up loving daredevil fools. His friends, family… He himself was no exception; hence knowing that both of them being mad at James’ penchant for running head first into danger was a rather hypocritical, even if a sincere worry.

“Oh that’s just peachy…” Shaking his head, Baird got up, his hand still grasping Marcus’, who took the invitation to stand up alongside him. “Wait, did you say he hijacked a Condor? It’s too early in the morning for this.”

“It’s past lunchtime.” Del added, and Marcus wondered if he was also waiting for his turn to ask Baird the things he hadn’t been able to explain yet.

“Aw shit. But I’d like to see you any better off after not sleeping for as long as I had.” Despite his characteristically cranky words of protest, Baird was already busy looking over the machines hooked up to JD’s body, checking everything. Despite that he’d left the AI to guard their performance.

Marcus noted his tender expression as he laid a hand on JD’s chest, the fondness with which he caressed his cheek.

“He’s looking better already though.” A small smile graced his lips as he looked over to Marcus, but there was still sadness in his eyes. Maybe even a trace of guilt.

Even with no actual daylight in the room, and not having rested all that much himself, Marcus found himself rethinking his attitude during the night. There were things that he didn’t wish to leave unsaid between them, nor without mending what had been damaged, if he could.

“All thanks to you.” He said softly, resting his head on Baird’s shoulder, arms wrapping around him in a lose hug. He caught Baird’s surprised expression as he half-turned to him, but before he could say anything, Marcus kissed him.

It was a chaste kiss; neither were too used to showing affection in front of others, even if one was family.

But as he felt Baird lean into his arms, tension dripping away from his body, Marcus knew his choice had been the right one.

Parting their lips slightly, Baird looked down, appearing almost bashful for a moment.

“Iris, an update on the situation. James’ nanties, Paduk, the city walls. And make it brief, will you.” The ‘ain’t even had my coffee yet’ remained unspoken, but true to Fahz’s earlier remark, Marcus knew Baird’s batteries had to run on something.

“Of course, Damon.” IRIS’ voice sounded through the speakers. “The nanites remain steady in their functionality; you were still working on a proper system to calculate their response when it came to damage repair however. But from what I can gauge so far, their effect on James’ body is above satisfactory. His vitals have improved beyond even reasonable expectation given the situation, in what appears to be an exponential manner. At this rate, all damage should be completely negated in perhaps several days.”

“I said brief… But damn, I gotta give it to you – that’s what I call bringing in the good news.” Baird interrupted the AI’s lengthy explanation with a whistle. In what had to be a nearly staggering display of hubris at that, considering he’d been the one to practically foster that attribute in it. Marcus was reminded of more than one occasion when Baird had damn near waxed poetic in the middle of battle, explaining the inner workings of the machine he was amid fixing, bullets flying over their heads. But his words now gave Marcus hope.

“If they’re really healing him so quickly, there wouldn’t be any complications from forming scar tissue internally either… But I’ll need to work on the way they evaluate things. Make sure to remind me, Iris. How is everything else holding up though?” Baird for once seemed to lack any form of tablet or datapad, but the AI could take notes too, unsurprisingly.

“Sorry to break through, but I need to know more about those nanites, Baird. About all of this, really.” Del spread his arms, as if taking in the room and everyone in it. “I’ve been trying to be rather patient so far, but I want to know how the hell is JD… Alive, goddamn it. When I’m certain that he wasn’t, the last time I held him.”

“Shit, Del, I’m sorry.” Baird sighed, and admittedly Marcus felt bad too, hearing the hurt in Del’s voice. “We were just so… overwhelmed, with everything happening all at once, and having barely any time to think and not just act I—you weren’t around when we left. And now I don’t know what had Fahz told you so far either.”

“About the minimum he could get away with.” Del crossed his arms, despite Fahz’s protest next to him.

“I told you I don’t know most of it myself, not what happened since we came back at least.”

“Okay, so you know we went out to… Well. We’ve been in surgery for the better part of ten hours since we all returned, windflare on our tails. The gist of it would be that something I created with the intention to heal wounds, proved to take the arguments in my code further, and act from the moment it had detected JD’s lack of pulse. And with its nearly unlimited array of repair functions, given us a chance to watch him heal from something a body wouldn’t be able to recover otherwise. That’s the nanites.”

Baird’s explanation did seem to skim over some more theoretical parts that had come to light previously, but Marcus could see the logic behind that. Giving Del doubt in an already uncertain situation would simply be cruel.

“But he was…gone. He had no heartbeat.” Even as he spoke, Del looked at JD, as if trying to reassure himself that he was still there – that they all were.

“The nanites hadn’t been able to remedy that, not with the nerve damage he’d sustained on his spine. But they don’t have the usual biological limitations when it comes to ways to keep a body functioning regardless.” It became more and more evident to Marcus that this was truly something which Baird had pondered over for a long while. To reach a level of functions such as these, even if in what he’d called a prototype stage, must have required a monumental amount of data and thought.

“If I had known—sooner—then I…” Del’s lip trembled slightly, before he covered his face with his hands, falling silent.

It was a painful thought, a guilty feeling that Marcus have had many times. One he wouldn’t wish on anyone else. Especially someone he loved as a son.

“You couldn’t have known. Or gotten to him alone.” Stepping around the bed to Del’s side, Marcus pulled him in a half-embrace, soothingly rubbing his back as Del buried his face in his shoulder.

“We barely found him too, mostly through sheer luck.” Fahz said, his hand on Del’s shoulder as well.

“And even I didn’t know before Iris pointed it out. That was after the Kraken.” Baird spoke next, waiting for Del to process it all.

“But he looks so – is this because of the building?” Del pointed to the various tubes disappearing under the sheet which covered JD, some of them showing under his neck.

“Some, but not all. Most of it’s the nanites’ powerbank, so to speak. Makes sure his body has enough fuel for them to run on.” Baird stopped abruptly, and Marcus realized he was likely rethinking his choice of metaphor. Just because he and Del apparently shared a mechanical lingo, it didn’t mean it was appropriate in the situation.

Del seemed to hesitate for a moment, most probably pondering on the question they all had, but no one dared voice yet.

“So when should he, you know... wake up?” It was Fahz who finally broke the silence, appearing almost apprehensive to have asked, like a child waiting to be berated by a stern teacher.

“Can’t predict that. Not even the machines can, I think.” Baird held JD’s hand in his own, looking at him with a pained expression. “For now, it is best that he sleeps. I wouldn’t know exactly how the process actually feels – no one’s gone through healing accelerated to this rate yet, least of all been awake to say their piece on it.”

“So what’s next? We wait?” Fahz continued, seemingly only half-satisfied with the answer.

“Yeah. And deal with everything else in the meantime.” Baird grimaced, before giving them his usual smirk. “An angry First Minister, a wayward Gorasni, the vigilante with him and a city’s worth of broken robots. Ain’t that a treat to wake up to.”

“Oh boy, I don’t even wanna think about most of that. Been trying to get the First Minister outta my mind for most of today.” Del sighed, looking at Baird. “Might as well get a head start through. Get an update on Paduk, see what’s to be done about that. Can’t say we disobeyed orders if she didn’t issue them yet.”

“And speaking of, First Minister Jinn had been trying to locate you for approximately the last sixteen hours now, Damon.” IRIS’ voice interrupted them, and was met with a groan from all concerned parties. “Of course, I’ve been doing my best to not disclose your whereabouts to her. Oh, and one Clayton Carmine had proved rather useful in getting a batch of new DB’s ready to go down the production lines.”

“Wait, a batch of new DB’s, or a new batch?” Baird turned his head to one of the speaker sensors, almost as if he expected to see the AI face to face.

“The prototype currently fostering JACK’s logical core proved rather successful, and agreed to run additional endurance and tactical performance tests. I figured you’d want more of them, as of yesterday’s events.”

Baird’s silence stretched into the room.

Marcus had noticed Jack of course – they all had, and be as long as that bot has been with them, it wasn’t very difficult to put two and two together. But he’d had his doubts about Baird’s intentions with creating such a … humanoid DB unit. Yet all of that had gone at the back of his mind, pushed away by the more pressing thoughts about James.

Seeing the slew of emotions which ran over Baird’s expression at the AI’s words, he realized that maybe it was going to be something they had to focus on sooner rather than later.

“Okay, you know what Iris? Get Jack here, pronto. And make sure it’s just him, this time around.” Baird said in a deceptively placating tone, though Marcus noticed his irritation at the AI’s apparent habit of insubordination. “And tell me if there’s some Condors missing while you’re at it.”

“There is one, yes. I’ve taken the liberty in pulling the surveillance footage which depicts the culprits behind its unscheduled departure.” IRIS continued cheerfully.

“Oh, have you now?” That seemed to give Baird a pause. “Has the First Minister accessed that footage as well?”

“Unfortunately, she got mostly static. Undoubtedly a sensor malfunction, or a patchy connection due to the windflare damaging the antenna.” IRIS’ sensor began projecting a hologram image with a timestamp identification, which actually turned out to be a video.

“Hah, that’s a good one.” Baird stepped closer to the projection with a shake on his head. “Let’s see then.”

Marcus did the same, pausing next to him. The video was somewhat grainy, but that was evidently due to the night vision mode. The area was awash with blue hues, placing the time of recording around dawn – a theory supported by the timestamp, which flagged it about six hours ago.

It depicted the large Condor airbase just outside of town, the same one that Marcus and Kait had used for their own impromptu rescue mission months ago. The characteristic sharp tilt of the Jacinto Plateau was unmistakable, and the sheer size of it made even the enormous war birds appear diminished to the scale of toys scattered around, as if by a careless hand.

From this angle, one of the hangars near the entry point was visible from a close vantage point. Shortly into the recording, two figures made their way over the tarmac, carefully avoiding the patrolling DB’s. Even in that light, and despite the numerous bulky packages they carried, Marcus was pretty certain of their identities.

“That’s Paduk alright. Can’t mistake that gait for anythin’ in the world.” Baird huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. “Looks like they’ve got some supplies too.”

“Or weapons.” Marcus added.

“Maybe. Good for them, in either case.” Looking at the watch on his wrist, Baird rubbed his chin. “Even on full speed, knowing Paduk’s piloting, I don’t think they’d have reached Vasgar just yet.”

“That a good thing then?” Fahz asked, moving next to them.

“Eh, not really. Means we can’t call them, unless we want to draw Jinn’s attention to the whole hijacked Condor business.”

“How come?” Fahz still seemed unconvinced.

“She’s tracking the comms.” Marcus explained instead. He never were a fan of politicians, but it was times like these that he really hated the whole chain of command sort of thing. Wasted too much time, and by the end of it, that was paid with people’s lives.

“And there’s nothing you can do to get around that?” This time it was Del who asked, looking at Baird expectantly. “Don’t believe it.”

“Gah, it’s not a matter of can or cannot, kid. Yeah, I could do it, and expose the backdoor I still have despite promising the First Minister to surrender all access codes since the last time she found out about them. Can only do that so many times before she goes for my head next.” Baird seemed frustrated regardless, and began pacing around nervously – something Marcus knew he did when he was stuck on some problem.

“Well it’s either that, or risk them running into trouble without back-up.” Del’s worry was evident in his voice, and Marcus could understand him quite well. He’d been in that position before, and no one liked to sit twiddling their thumbs when someone out there was fighting for their lives.

“Or trust Paduk to call me when they land.” Baird’s rebuttal didn’t sound entirely convinced though. “Just there’s something that doesn’t add up, but I can’t put my finger on it…”

“Why not call for help earlier? I know he did seem to have some pretty hefty beef with the COG tho, from what I gathered.” Fahz shrugged his shoulders, as if that was all the explanation anyone could ever need.

“’Some beef’ is the understatement of the century.” Looking at him, Baird sighed. “I wish I could say this is reckless even for him, but that wouldn’t be it.”

“Wait, we’re still talking about the guy who led a civil war with two hundred people, right?” Del cleared his throat, glancing at the projection which had come to a standstill. “Maybe he just didn’t think he needed anyone else’s help. Plus he and Kait did seem to hit off, hence their collaborative departure.”

“Or he found out that she knows how to get a bird outta here.” Marcus caught himself sounding more gruff than he intended to, considering he was the one to teach Kait that particular trick. “We can sit and speculate ‘till tomorrow, but that won’t help for shit. Or we can do something about it. So what’s it gonna be?”

He was looking at Baird when he asked, raising an eyebrow. Chain of command or not, some things were out of his depth to make the call on.

“Just wait for a moment, okay?” Baird rubbed at his eyes, turning around. He was silent for a long while, but finally seemed to come to some sort of a conclusion. “Oh that son of a…”

“Uh-oh, that doesn’t sound promising.” Del whispered to Fahz, but in that very specific sort of whisper Gears seemed privy to, which could be heard two tables over in a crowded mess hall.

Baird just waved a hand at them and dismissed the holoprojection with a flick of his wrist.

“Iris, remember our search for Project Morning Star?” He asked instead, prompting the AI.

“Of course, Damon.” The subtle note of sarcasm in its tone seemingly implied the vast inability of a sophisticated creation such as that to forget anything. It had Marcus wonder if by chance Baird hadn’t succeeded in recreating his mother in the shape of that AI, given the similarities from what stories he’d been told about the woman.

“Well I know we couldn’t find the actual location because that map was classified, as in UIR-state secret sort of classified. Although Paduk had some of the physical maps. But there was something else in that general area, something present in the map of Vasgar that the COG had. Do you have a copy you can pull up for me?” Despite being rather adaptive to his technology’s growth, Baird still seemed somewhat amiss without an actual computer terminal at his hands.

“As you might recall, all data from that source was to remain in its original location. My file temporary storage was disabled for those sessions.” Just as a look akin to regret crossed Baird’s features during the pause, the AI continued. “However, I do remember what the facility was described to be. A Pendulum Wars era air-raid shelter.”

“How does any of that helps us though?” Del asked, looking at Baird.

“Because I don’t think Paduk and Kait are planning to come back at all.” Baird sighed, meeting Marcus’ eyes for a moment, before turning back to Del. “Don’t ask me on the logic they’d have holing up underground, if they really go for it. But it’s the only thing that makes sense to me. Paduk would bend over backward before accepting help from the COG, and most probably his people too.”

“Sounded that way to me as well.” Fahz added. “But how long would they last there without provisions?”

“I had brought them some on my last run, when I got there few days before Del and Kait.” However, Baird’s expression remained grim. “Not gonna keep forever though, even if they had something salvaged up beforehand. Also the real question would be if the facility has water, etcetera.”

“One thing I don’t get.” So far he’d remained mostly silent, but something didn’t sit right in Marcus’ gut about the whole business. And those feelings usually rarely missed. “If they’d known about that place this entire time, why hadn’t they gone there before? Like when the attacks increased in the last months. It’s not a burial site, from what I know.”

“It isn’t. Hell, I don’t think Vasgar even got that many Locust, the land was about done for shortly after E-day. They’d already taken the brunt of it during Pendulum.” Putting his hands on his hips, Baird sighed. “The only way to find out more, is to go to the mansion and get the disk your dad gave me, Marcus. Or call Paduk and ask what the hell’s gotten into him. Maybe flip a coin, while we’re at it.”

“I vote for just calling and asking him. Dude didn’t seem to mind opening up about his war crimes.” Fahz’s words drew everyone’s attention to him, but he didn’t seem perturbed in the slightest. That kind of brazen attitude definitely reminded Marcus of a certain some, currently present in the room. “What? You know it’s true. Both the UIR and the COG fucked up Vasgar big time, the former specifically though. And he didn’t seem much regretful to me.” 

“You don’t know that.” Baird was quick to talk back, but seemed to realize getting into arguments was pointless at the moment. “Everyone has their regrets about something. But the fact is, he’s been there for a long time, and most of those Nomads are natives. Maybe you should think what reasons they have for following him so devotedly.”

“Okay, okay. That’s enough.” Del stepped between them before things could escalate further, raising his arms in a placating way. “We’re gonna call him, or not? This plan he might have, if Kait’s not in on the details, maybe she should know.”

“I doubt he’d outright lie to her but… okay. Iris, can you ping the coordinates of that Condor? Might as well see where they are by now.” Baird waited as the AI projected another menu, this time a grid map. The connection was slow, but eventually the map loaded fully, complete with a blue dot marking the Condor’s location.

“Have they landed yet?” Leaning in, Marcus tried to make out the details of the terrain. He’d looked at that very same map when he’d first sent JD there, having made sure his Raven landed safely.

“The bird’s still moving, but… That’s actually further down from the old airport.” Baird observed the map for a while longer, before finally speaking. “Pretty sure they’re going for that air-raid shelter. Must have been a quick touch down and departure, for them to have almost reached the place already.”

“Does that mean they’ve been too late?” Del asked with a sigh.

“We can’t know. But they hadn’t called so… Might as well do the honors. Best do it now, if we want to keep the First Minster at least somewhat in the dark about where they are, for the moment.” Baird’s lips curled in a humorless smirk. “Not exactly giving you kids the best example, huh. Iris, make the call on the internal line. It should buy us some time before someone up at HQ triangulates the end point.”

The video feed which opened next was so heavy with static, it was nearly impossible to see anything past it from the actual image. But the audio was somewhat better, even if with a momentary lag. Neither seemed surprising considering the soil in the Vasgari desert was saturated with iron oxide, and most of that was constantly blown up in sandstorms and windflares.

Eventually, Paduk’s voice reached them through the interference.

“I was wondering –how long it would take you to reach us.” He didn’t sound different, his usual somewhat carefree drawl notable even with the occasional blip in the connection.

“Less than you’d have thought, if we didn’t have us a debate on your motivation first.” Baird stepped up to match him with slight sarcasm, but seemed to drop it just as quickly from his next words. “Paduk, what are you thinking? What’s happened out there?”

“They’re not dead. This time around.” Paduk had taken a while to respond, but the meaning behind his words was clear to Marcus. Baird had spoken to him about the events prior to Azura, about how Paduk had lost nearly everyone from his base at Halvo Bay. That had been the last straw to nearly break the long-standing friendship between the two at the time.

Would’ve been it actually, had something urgent not happened soon after, which required Paduk’s help. Placing a hand on his hip, Marcus breathed deeply as his memory awoke – of white hot stab of agony, heat rising from the rusty metal all around him, the world fading from his vision.

Paduk had saved his life back then, and not only his. It was the beginning of a new connection between them all that couldn’t be broken apart so easily.

“Then what are you doing so far north?” Baird’s words at Paduk brought Marcus’ attention back to the room, to the present.

“Don’t worry, we’ve got a plan.” Paduk was the only one speaking for now, but Marcus could just about make out the shape in the co-pilot seat next to him. It was Kait, but she appeared asleep, despite the on-going conversation. Then again, if you could sleep through a Condor’s engines, you could sleep through anything.

And with nightmares, when sleep came it often was nearly as deep as that of the dead, Marcus knew from experience.

“If your plan has anything to do with that ancient air-raid shelter, then it’s a shit plan.” Baird’s voice was louder, but he seemed more irritated than angry, for the moment.

“It’s a perfectly fine bunker, that one. Been in it… might be fifty years ago now though, admittedly.” Paduk didn’t seem fazed by Baird’s words, and the map thumbnail continued to show the slow movement of the plane, as it remained steady in its course.

“Oh yeah, that’s just sounding real cozy. Come on man, tell me what’s this really all about. You know that New Ephyra has plenty of space for your people, all you gotta do is say the word.” The sincerity in Baird’s tone was accompanied by a note of desperation. Marcus wondered if either of them could imagine Paduk actually agreeing to that.

“People here have a long memory, Baird. And some of them have ran away from the COG for nearly as long as I have.” Paduk seemed distracted by something for a moment, but soon returned his attention to them. “That place would be as good as any, for a while at least. And well, there might be one more reason to it all, but no promises just yet.”

“What is it?” Baird asked.

“The girl, Kait. She told me some things about a place called Mount Kadar. It rang a bell, an old memory of classified information I’d come across in the past. I was looking for something else at the time, but… This never came up again, not until now. Wasn’t a reason for it.” Paduk’s hands moved, the motion choppy in the unsteady frame rate of the stream. But the little light at the end of it hinted that he’d probably lit up a cigarette, and taken a deep drag from it as he paused, seemingly waiting for a reaction.

“You think there’s something there that can help?” Marcus asked, almost in a way to push back at the suddenly overwhelming sense of worry which spread through him. Mount Kadar hadn’t brought anything good so far – quite the opposite. Seemingly all evil had in fact started there… New Hope, then the underground facility. It was all connected like a grotesque jigsaw puzzle, pieces falling in place but one never seemed to be able to find the edges. The end, or the beginning.

“I think so, yeah. It didn’t click before, because I’d been in and seen those documents before the Locust war. And pretty much forgot about it after.” Paduk took another drag of the cigarette, before continuing his story. “Then again, I could be wrong. But the truth is, that it’s no air-raid shelter at all. Might have been one, long ago, but by the time we were alive and fighting, it had become a research facility of sorts. Hidden, level four security. The entire UIR didn’t have more than a handful of those.”

“Level four… Those were something alright. Don’t have much data, but for what the old COG was concerned, those were associated with biochemical and biological warfare.” Baird’s explanation added a certain clarity to Paduk’s apparent concerns. Taking Kait with him, knowing of Mount Kadar… It made more sense now. “And for this one to have been on Adam Fenix’s data disc, there must’ve really been more to it than what appeared at first.”

“Be as it may, we’re either right or wrong about it. It could be helpful to this whole Swarm situation, or just prove a good bunker for my people to lay low at for a while. We’ll find out soon.” Paduk didn’t appear particularly worried about any leftover biological weapons however, which made Marcus wonder if there was something he wasn’t telling them still.

“Can you keep in contact with us then? Tell us what you find?” Baird added. “And how about back up?”

“So far out here? We know there’s no back up.” Paduk shook his head, and reached over the console for a moment, stubbing out the cigarette somewhere. “You’ve lost enough people yourselves. There’s a lot of work left to be done, from what I saw.”

“We could still… Ok, just be careful then. With anything you do or you don’t find. And if you need help, we will send it.” Marcus knew that when push came to shove, Baird always made good on his promises. Even with things as they were, and with the First Minister unlikely to aid them in this situation, Baird would still try his best, he was sure of it.

“I’ll try to call, if the storms don’t rack up even more interference.” Paduk said simply. “And Baird… How are things over there, from the last time I saw you?”

“Maybe hanging slightly less by a thread. Mostly left to hoping, for now.” It seemed clear what Paduk meant with that question. He was asking about James, but subtly enough not to add salt in the wound. Baird did sound hopeful, however.

“I’ll be waiting to know more too. Perhaps this time, things will go the way you wish them to.” Paduk said in a surprisingly subdued tone. “The storm is picking up. I best focus now. We’ll talk later.”

“Alright. Iris will leave that channel open for you. It’s our encoded frequency.” Baird said lastly. With that, they watched as Paduk switched off the screen, and the stream ended, leaving only the nearly empty map.

“That was a something, wasn’t it.” Del spoke after a moment. “So, when are we going after them?”

“Probably soon enough. But I’ll have to stay here again, with all the work that’s piled up.” Baird ran a hand through his hair, closing his eyes for a moment.

“And Jinn after your head.” Marcus said, but slung an arm around Baird’s waist regardless, pulling him closer. He was ready to go alongside Del and Fahz if they left, to help, despite that the thought of leaving James alone hurt him on a nearly physical level.

“If we also get a bot, it should help pull any data they might find from that facility.” Del added.

“Let’s just wait to hear at least something from them. Navigating further into Vasgar isn’t as easy as you might think. Remember those lost Condors you came across there? All crashed from the Windflares and sandstorms. It messes up their sensors big time. Everything gets fried up.”

“Damon, Jack has arrived. Should I send him in?” IRIS’ voice interrupted them.

“Yeah, do that. He’s alone, right?” Double checking, Baird glanced at the door.

“Affirmative. As per your command.” IRIS continued. “I must say, that he’s yet to implement a vocal module. He appeared… almost what you’d describe as apprehensive upon my suggestion of cloning the vocal algorithms I have. So for now he’s communicating through external interfaces only, such as me.”

“Or my datapad.” Del said, but as he lifted his arm, he seemed to realize the device wasn’t there. “Yeah, forgot to put it on this morning…”

“It’s alright, Iris should suffice as to relay his communication.” Baird said just as the decontamination doors opened, and Jack came through.

He looked just as they had last seen him yesterday, with one difference. He was wearing coveralls from a thick material, and a white cotton t-shirt with the DBi logo inscribed on its breast pocket.

Looking from the side, Marcus could’ve never guessed him any different than a normal person. His walk, his posture, the relaxed tension of muscles under artificial skin which seemed as real as Marcus’ own. The eyes were the only giveaway – and even with their near glow, his face was expressive, currently carrying a slight smile. 

He couldn’t but notice the reactions of everyone else; the quiet pride in Baird’s gaze, the curiosity in Del’s, and uncertainty mixed with plain gawking from Fahz’s side. Notably, anyone who sees Jack was likely to gawk initially – Marcus didn’t know if it was an intentional design choice or simply the way the hardware operated most optimally, but Jack was truly massive. Still, knowing Baird’s penchant for grandeur, Marcus was more likely to bet on the former reasoning.

“Oh Jack, hey.” Baird finally spoke, somewhat awkwardly. The last time he’d been faced with his creation, they were all rather busy and shaken up, and didn’t exactly have much time to focus. Now however, Marcus could watch him nearly vibrate with barely-contained curiosity. He had said Jack was a prototype, apparently one that had exceeded his expectations and then some.

“Jack says hello to everyone.” IRIS’ voice sounded through the speakers. “He also expresses… hope for everyone’s well-being.” 

“Thanks about that Jack, you are a pal.” Del had come forward and bumped his fist against Jack’s shoulder in a friendly way.

Marcus caught himself almost expecting the bot to beep, like he had in his past… form, so to speak. But instead Jack just smiled silently, and returned the gesture. He seemed extra careful to keep his strength at bay however.

“He also wishes to say the calibration tests ran with Clayton Carmine had been useful.”

“Thanks, Iris.” Baird reached towards Jack slowly, resting a hand on his shoulder. “Everything else going alright in there? This wasn’t in my plan for this unit, but as long as it fits you, Jack. Can you tell me why are you opposing Iris’ speech module update?”

“He seems to regard it as a redundant function, when there are text and instant transfer options instead.” If an AI could sound insulted, then IRIS certainly did.

“Alright, well no point in insisting about it now. I should still get you to a proper computer terminal and do a full spec evaluation myself though. Eventually.” Baird said, looking over Jack with what seemed to be thinly veiled wonder.

“There is something… strange.” IRIS’ voice paused for a moment, untypical for the otherwise quick AI. “He’s relaying me a stream of data which doesn’t make sense to me. And says it’s feedback from the nanites in James’ body.”

“They’re connecting to him?” Baird asked, glancing at James’ direction, as if expecting some visible manifestation of the AI’s words. “Jack, decode what they mean in a way that IRIS can translate for us.”

“He says this will take a bit of time.” IRIS said, but what was a bit of time for machines, didn’t seem quite the same to people – lasting no more than few seconds. “He says that they cannot wake him. There’s something which prevents it, something in his mind.”

“What… What exactly is it. Jack, you need to find out.” Baird grabbed at him, as if to pull him closer, but that was as likely to work as moving a mountain.

“He says it is… like a labyrinth of the mind. A place he’d lost direction in.” Even IRIS seemed somehow exasperated at the explanation. “This is the closest meaning he could come up with.”

“So is this like, being in a coma or something?” Fahz spoke, looking worriedly at James. Marcus’ stomach sank at the words; all he could think of was ‘not again’.

“Would appear so. But Jack keeps insisting the nanites can form electrical pathways to guide one out of such a state. Perhaps in a way modern medicine is unfamiliar with.” IRIS added.

“Or, maybe not so unfamiliar after all. All which is old, is new again.” Baird spoke next, seemingly choosing his words carefully as he thought about it. “Electromagnetic therapy had been employed successfully in the past, but in such crude ways, its effectiveness had been diminished as unreliable. But if the nanites can adapt to use it so… And under some shared control factor, such as Jack. That can actually work.”

“Then we can try that?” Del seemed uncertain. “Even if we assume that he can tell JD’s in a coma, does it mean the connection works both ways? That he could instruct the nanites in turn?”

“Maybe. Jack, can you?” Everyone seemed to hold their breath at Baird’s question.

“He says that he can connect to them, but for now cannot make up a way to help them find the correct pathway. On that scale of neurons, there’s more probabilities than in a game of chess. To solve that puzzle, Jack says he’ll have to think of a different approach.” IRIS’s words didn’t seem hopeful, but then again emotional nuance wasn’t the AI’s strongest suit.

“Then do it. Jack, from this moment on, this is your highest priority. I want you to allocate all your resources to working on it.” Baird said before looking at everyone, his eyes falling to meet Marcus’ gaze last. “If there is a way to wake him, we have to find out.”

That they could agree on. When James had been in a coma following the Hammer of Dawn incident, doctors had seemed less and less forthcoming as the weeks went on. They’d made it known that the longer time passed, the chances for him to wake at all were diminishing.

It had been akin to torture, the uncertainty of each new day. But maybe now, it didn’t have to be so.

Maybe Paduk was going to be right, and things were about to work out this time around.

At this point, Marcus could only hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rip Baird, can’t get any rest :’D 
> 
> Also takin the piss at Baird’s size kink like nothing else huh (the artbook of game 5 had made it clear he likes to go BIGG for no particular reason other than that he CAN XD)
> 
> \+ everyone layin shade like there's no tomorrow


	9. Snow Ghosts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Why does the third of the three brothers, who shares his food with the old woman in the wood, go on to become king of the country? Why does James Bond manage to disarm the nuclear bomb a few seconds before it goes off rather than, as it were, a few seconds afterwards? Because a universe where that did not happen would be a dark and hostile place. Let there be goblin hordes, let there be terrible environmental threats, let there be giant mutated slugs if you really must, but let there also be hope. It may be a grim, thin hope, an Arthurian sword at sunset, but let us know that we do not live in vain.”
> 
> — Terry Pratchett, “Let There Be Dragons” (A Slip of the Keyboard)

* * *

***

He wished he could say it started with a bang – with a great big moment of revelation, something to make sense of it all.

Be as it may, it was Jack’s idea.

That, by itself, should’ve counted for a revelation still, all things considered. The very fact that Jack’s been around people for so long that he’d practically developed consciousness, and not only; he’d made independent choices based on his own understanding of the world around him.

Just as he’d decided that becoming the targeting beacon for the Hammer of Dawn was what could save people, he’d now used that same experience in becoming the mediator between code and thought, between machine and a soul.

Sipping on the coffee in his hand, Baird watched the monitors with the single-minded determination of a hawk.

Most of it of course passed too quickly for any human to understand legibly, but IRIS sifted through the information and presented him with a compressed version of what was most important.

Fatigue still ached dully at the back of his mind, but was pushed back once again by the surge of adrenaline, and a whole pitcher of coffee strong enough to make your teeth hurt.

He was back in the lab, they all were – the only place aside from his mansion with enough processing power for what they were doing.

And that one took even him a while to fully figure out.

Looking over to Marcus, who was dozing off in the chair next to him, Baird smiled. It was crazy, what Jack had suggested. But it was also exactly the kind of crazy which he’d found tends to work out in the worst situations.

He had spare nanites on hand, after all the batch in JD’s arm had supposed to be a simple back-up. The rest of the hardware he had laying around, so assembling it didn’t take long either.

With two AI’s writing the code as they went along, and showing him the core functionality for review, it hadn’t been more than several hours until the idea was put to the test.

Marcus had been the voice of reason, as per usual when it came to Baird’s half-baked plans, but for once it wasn’t up to him to make the choice.

It had been Del and Fahz who insisted to follow what Jack had in mind, disregarding any talk about potential brain damage if things went haywire. That sort of dedication made Baird think that James had truly found his people. All he had to do now, was come back to them.

And they were going to show him the way.

* * *

***

“JD?”

Looking up, he saw Del across the hall. Sunlight streamed through the open windows, the breeze leaving behind the taste of salt, a hint the sea was nearby.

Stretching lazily, JD smiled, basking in the sun – content to rest like a cat draped over the long sofa.

“Yep, I’m here.” He said, thinking he must’ve dozed off for a while, as he couldn’t remember what were they up to beforehand. Still, there was something about Del’s expression which gave him a pause. “What is it, honeycakes?”

Huh, he hadn’t thought of that pet name he’d given Del since before military school probably. Maybe it was the afternoon’s tranquil mood that had stirred some memories. He hadn’t felt so at peace… for months now.

Frowning, JD tried to remember why that was, but the thought seemed to escape him, gliding about his mind like a fish in a pond.

He beckoned at Del who’d reached the armrest of the sofa and now stood next to it, looking down almost morosely. Reaching up, JD caught his hand, and brought it closer to his lips, placing a kiss on the back of it.

Del’s skin was so warm against his own, and JD felt like he wanted to hold him forever.

Sitting up slightly, he pulled him closer still, resting his face on his chest.

“Whatever I’ve done, I promise I’m sorry.” He said, looking up through his eyelashes. Del had never been able to resist that bashful look of his, JD knew. And he really didn’t recall saying anything Del could be mad about lately.

The hands gently running through his hair made him smile. Whatever it was, Del was probably not going to stay mad for long.

Only when JD felt a warm drop land on his cheek, did he realize something was very wrong.

Del was crying, tears rolling down his face silently, as he cradled JD’s head between his hands, so gently as if he were made of glass.

Getting up slowly, he wrapped his arms around Del, bringing their foreheads together.

“Del, talk to me, please. What is happening?” He was reminded of another time, another such moment. Very long ago, when they’d been just kids. Del knocking on the door of his room in the mansion, crying but not uttering a word. In the end, JD had held him close and they had fallen asleep like that, the light in the room still on until the morning.

The next day, Del had admitted he’d had a nightmare, something he rarely did – but one intense enough to leave him feeling powerless and pained with the realization that ultimately, it had been true.

He’d dreamt of the family he’d lost in the fire, of his mother and father powerless to reach him, of smoke burning in his lungs and pain that had left him unable to move or to run.

Since then, he’d come to JD like that sometimes, asking for nothing else than to be reassured he wasn’t alone anymore.

But this time, something was different.

For once, Del spoke.

“You have to come back, JD. Everyone’s waiting for you.” A shadow passed over Del’s features, just as JD noticed the wind outside taking a turn for the worst, suddenly loud in the branches of the trees where it had been but a breeze moments ago. The corridor darkened, and he turned, seeing grey clouds obscure the sun. Surely, the walls were going to roll out soon, protecting the city from the inbound windflare.

“What do you mean ‘come back’? I’m here already.” He said, smiling slightly. “Where is everyone else? It’s a bit too early for dinner time just yet, right?”

“What is this place, JD? Look around.” Del shook his head, his expression still grim.

“Ok, I’m really not sure what—“ Still, JD looked around, quickly surveying the room. Surely Del would have a good reason for this game, or whatever it was. The room was a room he knew well, big and spacious, crème-colored walls and high ceilings, opening up to the garden outside. Looking over the open patio, as the white linen drapes twisted around with the wind, he saw… the ocean. Waves dark like graphite clashed against the shore, and few lone seagulls screamed over the wind, already seeking cover.

Looking back to the room with a frown, JD noticed a few worn chairs, a wooden floor made of raw planks that had darkened with time. He knew that floor, but it wasn’t in Baird’s mansion. That was the floor of Marcus’ cottage, the bedroom he and Del had shared in it every summer.

“We should find the way out.” Del said next, stepping back, but reaching to hold JD’s hand in his.

“Wait a second. Just wait, ok.” Taking one last look at the desolate beach, JD sighed. “Okay, this is a dream. I gathered as much. So what are we doing?”

He’d had dreams like that, sometimes oddly coherent in narrative, and they didn’t always end when he became aware of them. But it definitely explained the lapse in his memories, the hazy feeling in his mind about some things.

“It’s not quite a dream. Think of it as a labyrinth of the mind, one we gotta get out of.” Del tugged on his arm, but his tone was surprisingly tender. “Please JD, just trust me. Like you used to, will you?”

“Of course— I, I always did trust you Del. Not ‘used to.’” Still, something nagged at his mind, a trace of an emotion he couldn’t quite place the memory to yet. Pain, guilt, betrayal. It was irrational, and Del’s words didn’t make much sense either. Looking down at his arm, JD sensed something different about it, a hexagonal pattern stretching over his skin, currently erratically flashing in red.

A hand caressing his cheek had him look back up at Del, and JD felt his breath catch in his lungs.

“I love you, JD. Always did.” Feeling Del’s lips brush against his made JD hope the dream doesn’t end, not for a while longer at least. Yet Del pulled away much too soon, even as he’d stepped forward, trying to lean into his touch. “But right now, I need you to lead the way. Can you do that?”

“Yes, I will.” It didn’t make sense, but dreams rarely did. JD found his legs picking a path as if on their own volition, and together they passed through several rooms and corridors, the mansion around a mix of places he knew and others that he felt like he’d been in his entire life, but were never meant to be here.

A dorm room spawning over richly decorated floor, a gym, the cellar underneath the old estate he and Del had sneaked into as kids, telling each other ghost stories between the dusty bottles of ancient wine.

It seemed so long ago, but the detail of the space around him was fascinating, and JD paused for a second, running a finger over one bottle, looking at the glistening dark green glass which showed underneath the thick coating of dust.

“I… I’m not actually sure where’s the way out. Maybe we should’ve gone for the ocean.” But even as he said it, he felt an absolute certainty that it wasn’t the right way.

“You do, after all you built this place.” Del said softly, and JD watched him pick up a wooden toy horse which was next to the bottle. “This was our hideout for a while, but this toy used to be in the tree house, by the window. Remember?”

Once he mentioned it, JD did remember. It was another misplaced piece of the puzzle, another memory his mind had apparently used as building blocks for the dream. But it made something click, with the logic only dreams seemed to have, and he gave Del one of his a half-smiles.

“I know where we need to be. Come on.” This time, he was the one pulling Del’s hand as he waked determinately forward. The cellar door led them to a kitchen, which in turn led them to a small room, the space in it filled with a large bed and a colorful rug in front of a fireplace.

Sitting down, JD looked at the empty hearth. It still had some ash and the stone was charred from numerous fires, but despite that it was currently not lit, it didn’t seem cold. If anything, the room brought on some kind of warmth, almost like the one on a summer night.

“Home, huh.” He muttered, and picked up a toy that had been left on the rug. It was a plush rabbit, with the one difference that while the cloth it was made of was soft and worn, the inside seemed to be filled with rice, or some other grain. “I used to love this thing. Couldn’t part with it as a child. Dad had to keep mending it because I’d cry when the filling started to come out between the stitches.”

“Marcus made that one, didn’t he.” Del had sat next to him, and placed an arm on his shoulder. “I’ve seen you pack it before. When we’d go to the mansion, and then back to estate. When we went to the Military Academy, and then when we moved to our dorm as Gears.”

“Yeah… Was kind of a good luck’s charm, I guess.” JD felt a bittersweet nostalgia almost overwhelm him, as if simply looking at the toy could bring all those past moments back. Holding it to his chest, he got up. “Guess it’s what I needed to take before I could leave.”

With that, and hand in hand with Del, they walked through the door.

Even as it was the one they’d come through, it didn’t lead back the same way.

* * *

***

Although the forming windflare had made him expect a drastic change in the scenery, JD wasn’t quite prepared for what he saw outside.

For once, it was night time. But there was no peace in it.

Guns blazed and Ravens flew in the sky, sirens sounding all around.

The ground shook with wayward explosions, the smoldering fires all around made ash and sparks rise into the cold air, obscuring the shapes of the world, making it impossible for him to make out what stood in the distance.

Much like the mansion before, there was something not quite right with the picture his mind painted. Looking closer, some of the vehicles he saw moving around were old, from an era only found in museums.

If anything, it was like the one they’d passed through in Fort Reval – full of dioramas from the Pendulum Wars.

It began to snow, with huge, clumped snowflakes quickly piling over the ground, a flurry of them melting against his skin.

“Alright, that’s… Something. What do we do now?” Del asked, just as a barrage of bullets sounded somewhere next to them. Taking cover was basically an instinct at this point, so they both hunkered down behind an upturned armored truck. JD found his mind flooding with grief as he looked at the twisted door of the vehicle. It looked like something had exploded from the inside, tearing up the metal as if were made of tin.

Grip closing tighter around the toy rabbit in his hand, he took a deep breath, trying to ignore the sound of gunfire getting closer. They were practically defenseless out here, without a weapon to fight back with.

“I don’t know Del. I just don’t know.” The metal behind his back was as cold as ice, and JD shivered, still clad only in light clothes.

“Hey, there is an end to this. And a way out, we will get to it. I promise.” Del’s hand under his chin made JD meet his eyes. Despite his words, he seemed afraid too. Somehow, that was enough to give JD the courage he needed to continue. As long as it meant that he could get Del to safety, he had to try.

Looking over his shoulder, he saw a figure running towards them appear from the nearly suffocating whiteness of the snow, lancer held up high.

The roar of the chainsaw tore through the night, and just as JD was about to roll away, pushing Del to the side, he saw a creature’s jump end into the weapon. It shrieked as its flesh was sent asunder in a spray of gore, finally dying down as the gun pointed to the ground in a devastating barrage of bullets.

Smoke rose through the air, and JD could make out the faint hiss as snow fell on the overheated metal of the barrel.

Then the figure stepped forward, revealing a familiar face.

It was Fahz, his bulky armor covered in blood, stark crimson amidst the storm.

Kneeling down next to them, he stared at JD for a long moment, before tackling him into a hug.

“You bastard—!” He was obviously trying to sound angry, yet JD couldn’t but think he sounded a second away from sobbing. “Do you know how long I’ve been trying to find you for?”

Arms wrapped around Fahz, JD stared at the cloudy sky above, suddenly grateful for the nearly crushing weight on top of him. It was the first thing that made him feel safe since they’d stepped out into this frozen inferno, and a reunion he was glad for. He’d missed Fahz, even if he didn’t even have much of a concept of time within the dream, it felt like they’d been apart for years.

“Do you know the way out? Del and I were about to start looking, but we don’t even have a gun on us.” He said instead, trying to follow logic. But Fahz just looked at him with a puzzled look, before glancing over to Del.

“I think you are the one who has to find it.” Fahz replied, his fingers brushing over JD’s cheek gently, the cares such a stark contrast to their surroundings. “Those things I’ve been fighting… It started out much farther away, but they’ve pushed us back in here.”

Glancing at the thing Fahz had just chainsawed in two, JD couldn’t quite place it as of either Swarm or Locust origin. If anything, it appeared to be a grotesque combination of the two, or as if it were stuck in metamorphosis, from one form to another.

It was covered in way too many eyes, and emitted a faint green glow, which faded ever so slowly since it had died.

Its blood was dark like tar, cooling into the snow around them, making JD wonder how come Fahz’s armor was painted red instead.

Looking back at him, he saw a large gash running over the right side of his face, the blood having seeped into his beard and down his neck; yet Fahz seemed undisturbed by it.

“We need to get to a better cover, quickly.” He found himself saying, already trying to get on his feet. The feeling of urgency overcame him, even as he didn’t know where they needed to run to.

“There’s a big building nearby, an observatory of sorts, I think it’s still standing.” Fahz said with a nod, and JD followed the direction he pointed at. There was a dome-like structure maybe two klicks away, standing out strangely unscathed amidst the destruction all around them.

Leading the way, JD walked down streets covered in rubble from derelict buildings, the feeling of something getting closer making the ground shake under his feet.

Fahz and Del followed him step for step, and despite the ongoing gunfire tearing through the sky in the distance, they reached the observatory without getting attacked again.

A giant statue adorned one side of the dome; a man with wings made of gold.

“ _Ad astra per aspera._ ”Del read out the words inscribed above the entrance. “Huh, so you actually remembered some of those Old Tyran classes.”

JD smirked at the quip, recalling how those classes had usually went, with him and Del exchanging notes and doodles, making plans for the day once the clock set them free.

“Everyone knows that one, it’s from the legend about Tyrus.” It was Fahz who replied while he was lost in thought, already pushing the heavy wooden doors inward.

“To the stars through hardship. I’m pretty sure I first saw it in one of Baird’s books, when I was checking them out trying to play grown up as a kid.” JD felt a bit wistful at the memory, and how the one time Baird did catch him doing it, he’d sat down and read alongside him, explaining the things JD hadn’t known at the time. He still remembered seeing the drawings of various constellations and their names, pointing out the ones he knew from the starry skies Marcus had shown him first.

“This place looks abandoned.” Del remarked, as they walked further into the structure. Dust coated everything, and there were indefinable shapes covered with sheets, most probably machines that had served the place. “But an observatory… People used to find their way by the stars, in the past. Even had maps, especially the sailors.”

“Could be that’s what we need too then, a map.” Looking around, JD tried to find anything familiar. But unlike the mansion, the place felt unknown, sterile in its lack of detail, in the tiled floors and silent ceiling.

Looking up at the said ceiling, he saw it was covered with many dots, glowing no brighter than fireflies. Initially, they didn’t seem to make sense, but soon his mind began to form patterns – or maybe the dots moved, he couldn’t say from this distance. But he could make out constellations, many of which he knew by heart. They were almost like the drawings in the book, nearly abstract against the backdrop of darkness, but bringing the comfort of familiarity.

Turning around without moving from his spot, he followed them over the dome, looking for the brightest one. Embry, the Morning Star.

Walking to the wall closest to it, if one was to imagine the directions like those of a compass, JD stopped to look at the dark square on the ground.

It was a book, a bit water damaged, but the cover was still recognizable. He picked it up, and when Del and Fahz joined him, the light on Fahz’s armor illuminated the space before them.

The hatch on the floor was old and rusty, nearly blending with the dark tiles, impossible to see had one not stood practically on top of it.

“Well, should we try it? It’s your call JD.” Del crouched next to him, and JD nodded, watching him lift the metal cover away. Thumb tracing over the spine of the book, he watched the pitch black space revealed before them.

“Fahz, you’re gonna be ok?” He turned his head, just in time to see the uncharacteristic shadow of fear flicker over Fahz’s features. Suddenly, in an odd shift of perspective, JD realized the wound on his face matched the shape of Marcus’ scar, a parallel that had escaped him so far.

“Well, you two are here as well, right? So I will be.” Fahz said, but his nervousness showed still.

“Del, keep this for me, will you?” Giving him the book, JD reached for Fahz’s hand, holding it in his own. “It is just us this time around. And we’re going through together, I promise.”

“My momma always said that my past is right behind me.” Fahz took a deep breath. “But this ain’t about the past. This is for the future… for us.”

Fahz’s lips met his softly, and JD knew they were going to make it to the other side. Wherever that led to.

As they parted, he saw Del looking at them, but there was no judgment in his expression. If anything, he seemed at peace, for the first time since the dream had started.

“Del I— I love JD. But I think I love you too.” Fahz spoke in a low tone, his other hand reaching for Del’s. “And I _know_ that he cares for us both. So maybe things can be like this.”

“Believe me, we find the way outta here for good, you two won’t be getting rid of me for sure.” Del smiled, that sorta beaming smile which had always won over JD’s heart, and he knew would keep doing so time and time again. Having him and Fahz by his side was something JD had dreamed of before, he thought. But the feeling of happiness, of elation was even more amplified now, as if the world around them was much more real than a dream.

“Del, I’ll want you, always.” He said, trying to make the words through the ache that had risen in his chest. His mind was spinning with memories that rose to the surface akin to plants having laid dormant in a desert, faced with the first rain from years. Things that hadn’t been in the dream at first, memories of words spoken too quickly, and others not said on time at all. The touch of his friends, the men he loved grounding him, he spoke again. “Wherever that tunnel leads, we’ll find out together. Side by side. Please don’t let go, Fahz doesn’t much like the darkness.”

“I’ll take care of any monsters in there, that’s a promise.” Del winked at Fahz, but still held his hand closer, and quickly brushed his lips against his uninjured side.

“Thank you.” Fahz sounded somber, but quickly returned to his usual wit. “Might as well go for it, and we could be home in time for tea.”

“I didn’t even know you drank tea.” Del said in good spirits, making Fahz make a sound of mock offense.

“Of course I do, I bet my people were the one to first show what tea even was to Tyrus.” Even as he spoke, Fahz’s fingers remained interlaced with JD’s, who listened to the two of them exchange quips a while longer.

The tunnel was tight, but otherwise unremarkable. No obstructions, no strange sounds, but no light either.

After what seemed like hours, but was likely much sooner, the tunnel finally seemed to open up to a larger space, and JD was surprised to see the glimmer of rail tracks underneath their feet.

“Well, suppose the end should be near then.” He said, and despite not seeing anything else further up ahead, he didn’t feel worried.

“Should be another door or something, a way out.” Del added. “We still have the book, too.”

“The map.” JD found himself correcting him. Although he hadn’t actually leafed through the book, he found himself certain that it would help them find their way home.

* * *

***

“Doctor, doctor – please!”

The loudspeaker call sounded above the noise in the packed hallway, making goosebumps rise on his skin.

They had just stepped through a giant heavy door, one which looked not unlike those sealing the locust burial sides. And for a while, JD had thought they won’t be able to pass it at all, until he’d spotted the mechanism which kept it locked.

It took some coordination between the three of them until the massive gate opened, but afterwards they had been greeted with yet another disjointed piece of this dream labyrinth.

He started to realize that its complexity and length truly warranted the description Del had given, but that growing understanding didn’t really help JD’s thoughts ease up. There was an urgency at the back of his mind, something he couldn’t put in words, but felt somehow vitally important.

Yet since the hospital area had opened up before them, he felt stuck in place. The cacophony was too loud, the floors full of injured people, blood and grit covered everything, stark against the pristine white walls.

Some of the people were civilians, other military – with the same out-of-time armor and uniforms, spawning between three distinct eras, and various nationalities.

“Well… Now what?” Fahz asked, just as they leaned beside a wall to let a busy gurney be rolled through.

“We keep going, come on.” Del no longer sounded hesitant; if anything, he was every bit the competent commanding officer that JD had seen him as in the past months. Months, in which they had been apart, but he’d still been out there, looking for Del whenever he heard he’d return from an OP. Watched from a distance as his squad followed him diligently, seemingly a lot more reverent of their lieutenant than anyone’s been of JD or Fahz since the incident.

He had changed, JD remembered that now. He’d gone all by-the-books, and people disliked him for it. Fahz hadn’t given a damn, though. They’d both felt like they had to prove themselves all over again, but up until Marcus had sent them in Vasgar, JD knew where he’d stood in the eyes of his family.

The memories were painful, but interlaced with those of the growing relationship between him and Fahz. That was what had made those days bearable, given him hope for the future. Before he could think of how to redeem himself in anyone’s eyes, Fahz had already accepted him for who he was.

He knew that Vasgar changed all of them, but this time it was a gentle, albeit abrupt change. Del had understood him again, maybe even been on the road to forgive him. He’d finally seen Fahz as more than a rude brute, and in turn, Fahz had seemingly agreed that Del wasn’t the pretentious bastard he’d thought him to be.

So it came as no surprise than in his dream, the two had become something more to each other. JD found himself wishing that was what he’d wake up to. One could hope.

“Let’s go then, see where this leads.” He agreed, albeit with some uncertainty. The place was bothering him more than the battlefield or the house had, and especially since he was so out of his element. Seeing everyone around hurting, but unable to aid them had him feel helpless, beckoned the memory of his failure to protect those he’d sworn to, over and over again.

The corridor led them to an old open-shaft elevator, jarringly out of place in the medical station. It reminded JD of the equipment in mines, and he suddenly felt apprehensive to get on it.

“Up, or down?” Del asked, having stepped inside already. “Down never seems to bring us much good usually, though.”

“Yeah, that’s that.” JD and Fahz joined him, and unsurprisingly he couldn’t even see the down button. The dream really took shape and unveiled in his subconsciousness, seemingly responding to even his slightest fear. “Up it is, then. Don’t really know for how much longer though.”

“Maybe we’re close, getting higher could be a metaphor for resurfacing.” Fahz said, but it seemed he was talking to Del rather than JD.

“Can’t really say. It does feel quite…real, still.” Del reached for JD’s hand again, interlacing their fingers. “Correction, it is real, in a way.”

“Huh, I almost don’t want to wake up. I mean battles and infirmaries aside, this… I could get used to it.” JD smiled, reaching for Fahz too, but was met with a frown instead.

“None of that, will you? You need to wake up, JD. We have battles to fight up there too, but we can’t dream forever. Your fathers, your friends… everyone is waiting for you.”

“Hm, Del said the same a while back. But when I’m awake, I always seem to disappoint others. So far I haven’t let down either of you here.” JD didn’t want to think about the months in which he’d seen his own guilt reflect in Baird’s eyes, relive their terrible attitude to each other. If only he could show him he was sorry as easily as it would be here.

Or Marcus, whom he’d disappointed so many times, but had gone to share his pain with when the nightmares had become too much, and the ache too physical. How to show him he loved him in turn, when everything he seemed to do ended up being wrong?

“As I said, ain’t havin’ none of this.” Fahz stepped closer, taking JD’s face in his hands. “The man I know is brave. Almost stupidly courageous, if I gotta be fair. And I love him for it – I love you. I want you out there, watching my back, the way I watch yours. By my side, no matter what. Don’t you?”

“And I never got to say sorry. Or how much I’ve missed you, JD.” Del’s expression matched Fahz’s, both of them seemingly sharing a common pain, as well as affection. “I kept saying that you had changed, but I never told you I wanted to know the new you as well, to see how you rebuilt yourself while I wasn’t looking.”

“Guys—I… I don’t know how. To wake up. It feels like I’ve been asleep for so long, that I’m just… I’m tired.” JD felt the elevator rattle, but it still passed upwards through dark floors, no light reaching over to reveal what was on the other side of the emptiness. “And it hurts. Everything hurts, the more I remember.”

Clutching his injured arm to his side, JD felt his legs give under him, and he kneeled on the floor, sobbing quietly. He didn’t want to pity himself, but the thoughts were always there, a broken halo around his head, bringing restless nights and dreary mornings.

He felt the elevator come to a grinding halt, but didn’t look up. Cold wind brushed against his face, made him shiver, and distantly, he could hear waves crashing against a shore. The ocean again.

Two pairs of warm arms engulfing him, and he found himself sharing Fahz and Del’s embrace. They held him, offering a reassurance without words.

Opening his eyes, he saw clear skies above him, adorned with countless stars, glimmering like gemstones against the velveteen dark. He couldn’t see the water beneath them, but could hear its whisper in the distance.

“Del, show me the book.” He said, remembering the ancient shapes drawn by people long gone, but whose work was still being passed on. In legends, in diagrams and a collective consciousness, the same stars which had shone above them all. “Here, the wings of the phoenix. Always trailing after Embry.”

He showed them the page, an intricate pattern of swirling golden ink depicting wings, the main constellation of the Embry star. The same one right before them, showing the way.

Getting up, he stepped forward, feeling Fahz and Del’s presence beside him.

“Not to be a spoil-sport, but pretty sure if we go any further, we’ll run out of roof to walk on.” Leaning forward slightly, Fahz frowned. “I can see the waves foaming up against some rocks far down.”

“Quite far down.” Del added, but in a tone which suggested he was thinking on something. “You know that feeling, when you’re asleep but you sort of… startle awake, because you felt like you were falling?”

“Yeah, and?” JD asked, despite starting to get a feel about where was Del going with this. “You can’t be serious. It really is a long fall.”

“But this is a dream-state, so? You said it yourself, you don’t know how to wake up. Maybe this will work. For us all.” Del seemed convinced, and JD had to admit that he himself didn’t have anything better to offer.

“Or it could end terribly. Won’t be the stupidest thing we’ve done though.” Fahz added with a shrug of his shoulders. “Reckon staying underneath a space shuttle as it fires off is higher on that list.”

“Much higher.” Del agreed.

“It was about to fire, and we had some legroom to escape.” JD knew he was stalling, but sighed when no parachute or a plane appeared out of thin air to woo away his worries. “Still, if you insist…”

“There was also a giant tentacle monster after us, so again, pretty sure it was worse.” Fahz continued. “Maybe it’s like back in basic, and the ‘chute sequence. Just we do it all together, so that no one chickens out. What’s the worst that could happen?”

“Plenty, I’m afraid. But it has to be your call, JD. It’s your mind.” Del said, looking at him intently. “Ours are on the line too, believe it or not. But if you wake, so do we.”

“Wait, I still don’t get this. You’ve been telling me to pick the way and that it’s all me this whole time, but… there’s more to it that I just don’t understand. How is it that you two ‘wake’ as well, if it’s just my dream, my mind?” JD hadn’t been blind to the hints, but couldn’t make sense of what they meant still. 

“It’s a lot to explain at once, and maybe it would be better if we don’t. Not now, at least.” Del stepped closer, keeping their eyes locked. “But we are here, JD. Me and Fahz. Sort of in your mind, sharing this dream. So that you can come back to reality, to the waking world.”

“That… sounds awfully complicated to make happen, but alright. I’ll bite. Let’s try to wake up with a jump, and if this dream sharing thing is true, there’s gonna be a lot of explaining to be done after.” JD couldn’t convince himself that it wasn’t just another trick of his mind, a complex play inside a dream that had already proven to be so deeply saturated. “My honest guess though? I’m so high on some painkiller loopy juice, that I won’t be coherent for a week. Suppose I can only try and find out.”

“One does not necessarily exclude the other. But I’ll be happy to know too, believe me. This has been quite the trip for me too.” Fahz smirked and hooked his arm under JD’s elbow. “And for the record, if those battlefields are the nightmares that have been bothering you this whole time, you’re going to therapy, you hear me?”

“If you two promise to get along so well, I’ll do anything.” JD’s tone was humorous, but he still found himself being wistful. What if all of this really was true…

“The last two days have taught me more than six months did. We’ll be alright, I promise.” Del held him a little tighter, and they all looked down at the restless sea again. “Shall we?”

“Yes.” With that, JD found himself stepping forward calmly, the emptiness ahead greeting him with a frantic moment of weightlessness, then air rushing all around him.

* * *

***

The EEG graphs which visualized on the screen were the only way Baird could gauge the situation. Without them, he’d be completely in the black as to whether or not Jack’s plan was working at all.

But through him compiling the data from the closed nanite feedback loop, Baird could monitor everyone’s brain activity, and at least know they hadn’t done something to cause irreversible damage.

Del and Fahz had taken to the batch of pre-activated nanites without observable complications, or complaints in the several hours that Baird and the AI’s used to code the outline of Jack’s project. It was hardly a decent clinical trial, far from it actually, but they had insisted on making do as is; everyone impatient to see if they could in fact wake JD from the coma.

Once the logical part of the system had been compiled, Jack had transferred the first legible readings of JD’s EEG data – something that hadn’t been possible beforehand, due to the nanites interfering with traditional equipment. But since he’d connected as a mediator from them to the set-up in Baird’s lab, the glimmer of hope they’d all held had turned into a blazing flame.

Albeit expectedly diminished due to the coma, it had been undeniable – JD’s brain wave activity corresponded to that of a living person. Their work so far, and the nanites’ function had truly kept him alive, more than just in the flesh.

So next came the challenging part. Uncharted waters, that Baird had found himself hesitant to cross, despite having already built the needed hardware, and adjusted the software to match. He’d understood the gist of it, from Jack’s point of view, as much as he could. But it still worried him, to have Fahz and Del enter a state not too far from a medically induced coma, and link their subconscious to JD’s through the nanites.

Using Jack as a mediator to guide the nanites according to the electromagnetic pathways which corresponded to states closer to consciousness, was how they could theoretically wake JD.

Baird actually had no clue how would any of that translate in the form of a dream, but as per usual his worries went ignored, and so did Marcus’ words of caution. Admittedly, they were both ready to do anything to get James back, but Fahz and Del had went ahead with the daredevil attitude of youth, and the argument that if something were to go wrong, at least Tyrus wouldn’t lose the only engineer currently able to create a robot army to fight the Swarm.

And that had been the other can of worms. The evaluation of Jack’s performance had been greater than what Baird expected out of the prototype, and he had to agree, even if begrudgingly, that his line was the logical continuation of the DeeBee evolution. He had plenty of bots good for cannon fodder, and they had even learned to take down the Swarm to some degree of efficiency, but nothing quite as cunning and potentially durable as Jack.

A bot like him, equipped with a state-of-the-art mechanical body could not only be their frontline of defense, but provide support functions such as search and rescue and even emergency medical attention, with an unparalleled precision.

Still, Baird had always had the tendency to at least try and look over his own shoulder. He knew that trying to make AI to begin with didn’t depend so much on the complexity of the task, as on the potential repercussions if things cross the boundaries he’d established. IRIS had grown and perfected… herself, so to speak, in an exponential manner, but of late he’d began to notice more than few ‘rogue’ tendencies arise unprompted.

And Jack had made the leap of his own, or so it seemed. Though he’d been the original sandbox that Baird slipped more than a few lines of well-thought out code in, he had most definitely picked a lot elsewhere too.

So with the data from Mount Kadar still waiting for him to finish going through, Baird tried to keep a watchful eye over his AI prodigies. All the while having to see Del, who’d been like a second son to him, potentially risk losing his mind in what had to be a game of chess those same AI’s had come up with. Fahz as well. They were both so young, and Baird struggled to even remember what his own thoughts had been like when he was their age.

Yes, he’d already been part of LaCroix Labs, following his passion of engineering and trying to avoid the looming threat of his parents disinheriting him unless he pledged alliance to the war machine of the COG; but he hadn’t known what it’s like to have anyone so dear and be willing to risk his life for without a moment of hesitation.

Then E-day had come, and taught him many harsh lessons, ones he wished that JD’s generation didn’t have to learn anew, although the process had already started. And it wasn’t his choice to make, so he couldn’t stop Del and Fahz from trying to get JD back – and honestly, Baird even felt proud of them for doing so. When it came to days of war, people meant everything. And having your people, your family by your side could be all the difference.

So he’d hooked them up to the machine, and diligently went through monitoring the process along with the AI’s, ready to wait as long as he had to. Marcus had sat next to him, eventually succumbing to exhaustion and falling into erratic sleep. Every now and again Baird would see him twitch, hear him mumble something incoherent.

For their years together, Marcus’ nightmares hadn’t gone away, only lessened in intensity, to an extent. But even that had been tidal, with times worse than others. The two years he’d spent mad at James and Del for entering the Military Academy had done a lot to make him fall back onto darker times, despite Baird’s wholehearted attempts at offering him comfort.

Then the Swarm had appeared, and thrown everything asunder. Marcus barely slept, waking several times per night, often rather violently. It was just like during the Locust War, and it pained Baird to see him hurting so again. But there was nothing more he could do than keep trying to find ways for them to fight back.

Getting the nanites into JD as a precaution had come through after he saw how difficult it had been for Marcus to pick himself back up since JD’s recovery from the burns and the coma; since nearly losing him. Baird was willing to risk having the untested tech there, as long as it meant JD would have better chances, something that had been on the forefront of Baird’s mind since the beginning of their fight against the Swarm.

During the Locust war, he’d become good at thinking mostly of himself, of his friends, and eventually of Delta squad. Getting attached meant having to accept the reality of losing people, and he’d lived in that war long enough to try and grow thicker skin. But having his family on the line now, brought a whole different kind of fear. Seeing them fighting, as he built their weapons and their armor and the robots, had him hoping it would be enough. Trying his damnest best to make sure of it.

In the end, it hadn’t been enough. But he had to keep trying, as long as there was even one person left to fight for.

Paduk had contacted him in the meantime, saying that they’d reached the secret air-raid shelter facility. Thankfully, no Swarm had been in sight, so the Nomads had hunkered down in there, safe from what he’d reported to be a supercell sandstorm in the making. Bigger than any he’d seen so far, which said a lot - for all the years Paduk had spent in Vasgar, he’d grown to know the place like a native.

Baird was worried about it, especially since IRIS pulled a satellite image of the area – the storm was truly about to be something massive, and meant the area would be cut off from the rest of the word for days in the least. No communications, no way to traverse the terrain either by land or air.

He’d told Paduk as much, who’d just shrugged his shoulders and told him they had nothing but time. And that it would be a good opportunity to look through what had to be a mountain of top-secret paperwork and locked laboratories. At Baird’s question about whether or not fifty year-old research still counted as classified, Paduk had just told him to remember the Hammer.

There were always skeletons in the closet.

With a last word of caution, they’d severed the already patchwork connection, likely the last one for the duration of the storm, as long as that would pan out to be.

He hadn’t wanted to go into detail about the current situation with JD, after all Paduk would find out one way or another once things reach a conclusion of sorts, and Baird was worried about the call being cloned – at this point, the First Minister’s team must’ve gotten the order to track down the missing Condor.

Baird had gotten IRIS to postpone any meetings requiring his attendance or direct connection, and hoped that Mina Jinn would at least honor the sort of time-out since he had made it known that JD was in critical condition. The details were of course undisclosed, since the last thing he wanted was for the nanotechnology to fall in the hands of a bureaucrat.

No, this was something Baird was about to keep the lid on. Undoubtedly it had proved tremendously useful so far, but in the right hands. And he felt no hesitation to state that those were his, and his alone.

The Hammer of Dawn, the Lightmass Missile, hell – imulsion as a whole… he’d seen it all go down the worst possible way, because it had been commanded by those in power. The world had known and used solar, wind, geothermal and water power sources before the miracle fuel had come to be, and there hadn’t been a need for a war, just a hunger for it. Central Tyrus could’ve prospered without imulsion, and instead it could’ve been used by the outer Republics, The Islanders, those who needed it most.

In the end, the Pendulum wars were fought of it, at least in part, and everyone had suffered trice when it became clear it was killing the planet and everyone in it, including driving out the Locust from their underground hives. The same beings which humans themselves had created, not simply in a fit of madness, but in that same controlled hunger for war, from the desire to dominate and crush those they deemed bellow them.

Baird did not want to see his life’s work follow in those same groves, and he would do anything to prevent that from happening.

One way or another, Baird was going to find a way to stop the Swarm. Maybe he wouldn’t be there to see the end of this war, but he was damn certain he’d make sure his sons would.

A loud beep tore him out of his thoughts, and he looked at the row of gurneys next to the server banks.

Jack, Del, Fahz and JD were laid side by side, connected through a plethora of cables and life support systems. Nearly jumping out of his chair, Baird went to them, surveying the equipment.

At the precise moment that the relay monitor next to him displayed a spike in EEG activity, he saw JD take a deep breath, struggling against the ventilator tube going down his throat.

And then, he opened his eyes.

"James..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty! Here's a chapter that I had the vague idea for from quite early on in the fic, but almost scraped in uncertainty as to whether or not it would fit in well. 
> 
> In the end, I decided that fuck it, it's going in and it's going great, because if we can have giant rock eating worms and dune sea krakens, then we can have a lil dream sharing. As a treat c: (lol jokes aside, I realized this borrows from Inception like half-way through, unintentionally, but decided to roll with it regardless!) Plus, we've seen an interesting insight on Kait's nightmares and mind-sharing in the game itself, hence not too out of line I'd say?
> 
> I hope whoever's still reading likes this, and as a whole I think we're close to the end of this story - there's maybe one chapter left.


	10. When the wild wind blows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Love takes off the masks we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.” ― James Baldwin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well! Here we are. Woah, haha. 
> 
> It has honestly been quite the journey, for me personally. I feel so many emotions about these characters, and I'm glad I could finally put at least some of them in words. 
> 
> I hope those of you who stayed with the story so far enjoy this conclusion, and for those who might come across it in the future - that it has mended at least some broken hearts (grumble grumble looking at GOW 5). 
> 
> I tried to do the characters and the world justice, while adding a lot of personal ideas and interpretations I've had about them, ultimately wishing to write a story I myself would enjoy. 
> 
> This definitely won't be the last time I write about them, but those stories yet to come would be posted separately. I think that Lost in the Ozone has now reached the point where the narrative served its function for my initial idea, and the ending is 'open' enough to leave for a lot more ideas about the journey ahead that can span from here on now.

* * *

***

“Easy now, easy. Just a moment—“ Baird turned off the ventilator valve and with as much care as possible, quickly removed the tube from JD’s trachea. All the while trying to calm the frantic pounding of his heart, the surge of emotions which had risen within him upon finally seeing his son awake again.

JD coughed a few times, before taking in a deep lungful of air, his body’s natural breathing rhythm taking place. His vivid blue eyes were wide as he scanned the room, seemingly making note of Del and Fahz who were now awake as well. Baird looked at them too, trying to gauge their level of consciousness.

Yet, he needn’t have worried; as both were quick to try and reach for JD’s bed. However, having been nearly tied up to the various machines surrounding them didn’t bode so well with those intentions.

Fahz tripped over a stack of cables thicker than his forearm, but caught himself before planting completely face down.

“Have a tad of patience, will you?” Baird reached over to him, supporting him as he sat back down. “Those aren’t meant to be yanked away that easily.”

“Sorry but I ain’t feeling all that patient right now.” Fahz huffed, his gaze focused on JD.

Removing the bulky EEG measuring cuff that Baird had made for this particular use, and turning a few switches off before dethatching the cables, he gave him a pat on the shoulder.

“Now, you can go.” Looking over, he saw that Del had sat on the edge of his bed, arm extending to grasp JD’s hand. He was leaning over as much as the cables he was still connected to allowed, and Baird sighed, smiling.

It was done. All the worrying, all the fear, had led to this precise moment of wonder, of joy. Still, he freed Del of the cables just as quickly, knowing he’d want to be closer.

“Dad?...” JD looked at him again, slight confusion written over his features. “I—”

Since Fahz had wasted no time in holding JD’s other hand, Baird settled with placing a hand on his cheek, before hugging him as much of him as he could reach.

“James you’re… Do you feel alright? Are you in pain?” He said, looking back up at him with worry. He had to make sure.

“I’m alright, just uh… sort of aching all over.” JD cleared his throat, his voice sounding hoarse enough to remind him of Marcus. “Honestly it feels a bit like I was run over by a truck.”

“That’s kind of close to it actually.” Fahz spoke before Baird could answer. He saw him brush away a tear, his eyes redder than usual and now bare for all to see, since he wasn’t wearing his glasses yet.

“And it’s not even all of it.” Del said next, but didn’t elaborate, instead took the opportunity to hug JD as well; with incredible care, as Baird could see. As if he was going to disappear into thin air if Del held on too hard, empyrean like a vision, a dream. Even though most of JD’s injuries should’ve been well into the process of healing already, Baird found himself sharing the sentiment.

The whole commotion must’ve woken Marcus, because the change which flickered in JD’s expression told Baird as much. He turned, and saw him standing behind them, by the foot of the bed; still like a statue, but with expression full of grief.

If anyone feared this could’ve been but a dream, most of all it had to be Marcus, whose subconscious had tormented him for years, weaving nightmares and memories alike, vivid enough to overlap with reality.

So Baird reached to take Marcus’ hand in his, pulling him closer. The combined weight and the warmth of their palms seemingly tore him away from the frozen headspace he’d been in, and he stepped closer. Sitting on the edge of JD’s bed, on the side Del was, he gently placed a hand on his chest.

“James…?” His voice was barely above whisper, and Baird saw the glimmer of a tear where it rolled down his cheek.

“I’m here...” JD said simply, seemingly shocked to see Marcus so open and vulnerable, so hurt in a way he had never expressed before him so far.

He made a move to sit up, which immediately got Baird’s attention.

“Careful now, you shouldn’t push too hard just yet. Your body really went through a lot.” Still, his voice was gentle, and he grabbed the extra pillow Fahz had taken from his own bed, before putting it behind JD’s back. “Stop if anything hurts or pulls the wrong way, please.”

JD didn’t appear hurt by the miniscule motion, but nodded regardless. He pulled on Marcus’ hand slightly, beckoning for him to come closer.

Seeing Marcus’ shoulders shake as he held JD, was what finally got to Baird’s resolve. So far he had kept a straight face, trying to remain calm, but could no longer hold the tremendous weight of all emotions which had ran through him in the last few days; this was what crushing relief felt like.

Covering his face with his hands, he sobbed quietly, taking raspy breaths, feeling as if his lungs couldn’t move past what he felt. Somebody’s arm, likely Fahz since he was closest, silently wrapped over his shoulders.

For a while, everyone seemed to have fallen silent.

There’s only as much words could convey, and this moment seemed to be beyond any.

* * *

***

To say the next couple of days were hectic, would’ve been the understatement of the century.

There was nothing more that Baird wanted but to go back to his mansion, kids, husband and friends by his side, and spend that time in equal parts sleeping and drinking. Cheerfully so, rather than the blackout drunk he’d wanted to be when Marcus had come back from the Kraken battle alone, that moment which simultaneously seemed years ago and just yesterday.

And he had actually been rather close to saying ‘fuck it all’ and doing just that, but the First Minister had been rather adamant in reminding him of his duties. Yeah, he was the owner of DBi, but in times of war, and since all the documents she’d made him sign over the past few months, his obligation to the people of Tyrus extended further than that of simply a philanthropic genius.

Thankfully, he’d succeeded in placating some of her anger with the reveal of (partial) information about the newest DB prototype units. Still, he’d insisted on a singular but in his mind, crucial clause: he remained a single proprietor of the next gen DB’s. They were his intellectual property, and he retained all rights over the cryptography of their software, as well as hardware.

They would serve under the COG’s banner much like a militia, but Jinn would no longer get to take them apart and let her imbecile tech team tweak them to her liking.

Truly, Baird had omitted a lot about Jack’s performance and AI properties from the report; for all Mina Jinn would know, he was a virtual intelligence, much like all previous assistance bots. Baird also didn’t make it known that all new DB’s were connected to him, in something not unlike… a hivemind. He knew that could easily be dubbed treason, but it was a risk he was willing to take.

Maybe for many people it would’ve been disturbing to find that he got the idea from the Swarm; and that’s why he kept that knowledge close.

He’d spoken to Marcus about it, actually the idea had been his in part – by sharing his experience of being ‘podded’ by that Snatcher over an year and a half ago, and hence having felt the rest of the captured people through the hive’s rudimentary form of neural network.

They’d tested that with Jack and the nanites, that was how they’d woken up JD after all. But Baird had wondered about what other uses a connection like it could have.

And since he had a brand new squadron of DB-J units, he got down to developing matching software that could cover their extended physical capabilities.

Under Jack’s guidance, the units could practice deep learning, communicate between themselves even at large distance, and make better decisions when it came to aiding human operatives in battle. A DB-J unit could improve the efficiency of any squad, and knowing they’d be practically semi-sentient brought Baird more relief than he’d say out loud.

Mina Jinn was a politician, one that had not worked through nearly two decades of fighting monsters that didn’t abide to logic, nor traditional means of waging war.

Even though she’d proved a fast learner, Baird knew that a lot of her decisions had led to loses that could’ve been avoided. He had promised himself to do better; for James, for Marcus and Del, for everyone still here. And this was one of the steps in his plan.

After all, he’d let himself grow soft throughout the years. Let the peace dull his edges, take the venom from his words. He’d played by the rules, by the new COG’s rules and those had proven to be not much different than those of the old one, which he had so vehemently despised.

In order to make a difference, he had to stand up and take that power back. It meant reminding Jinn exactly what his role in rebuilding Tyrus had been, and still was. It meant taking the autonomy over his creations, and the chance to use them to their full potential.

Initially, the thought had made him shake his head with a bitter smile. Damon S. Baird, becoming practically like the Barons of old. Perhaps not too different from how his ancestors had put the name of House Baird into history, among the Founding Fathers.

Jinn hadn’t wished to yield easily, but as a politician she’d seen the repercussions of denying him the right; not just knowing that technically, he had the ability to hijack every DB currently existing, overwriting her credentials and any defenses set in place, but also knowing what his face meant to the public.

After all, he’d been around since the city was; people knew that damn near everything around them held the mark of DB Industries, and many had worked for him at one point in time. So just with a few choice words, seen from every screen in New Ephyra, he had the power to challenge Jinn’s seat of power.

Not something he’d wanted in a million years – he knew himself not to have a single bone made for bureaucracy. But she didn’t need to know that, not as long as it could be the proverbial Sword of Damocles hanging over her shoulder, something to give Baird the leeway he needed to make things right.

What did surprise him however, had been the request he got, to create a proper targeting beacon for the UIR Hammer of Dawn satellites.

Jinn had seen that the Hammer was the only thing which finally stopped the Kraken; and while she’d always made her stance on the use of the death ray clear, Baird couldn’t blame her for wanting to have it as a back-up still. Especially considering how dire the situation was becoming with each passing day.

There hadn’t been another coordinated attack such as that yet, but Swarm activity was reported all around the old city, and not only.

The several drone-operated stealth aircrafts they’d send out for recon weeks ago, broadcasted alarming data. Those which had made it to their designated course without being destroyed by wayward windflares, had served as sentinels in front of many Locust burial sites. More and more of those were becoming active, swarming Sera with old horrors made new.

They’d gone as far as Gorasnya’s vast tundra, to the last burial sites located in old bunkers encapsulated by decades old ice, and to the final archipelago before the Great Sea. The sensors revealed the same thing – rising seismic and thermal activity. It wasn’t going to be long now, that tons of crystalline shells would reveal their deadly hosts.

So in retrospect, Baird had a lot of work to do, if he didn’t want the world to be absolutely fucked.

Again.

At least, being in the lab had its positive aspects.

Accepting no arguments, he’d told JD to stay in bed for monitoring, and to catch up on much needed rest that didn’t include a cocktail of painkillers and sedatives anymore. The nanites had continued to heal him, so that he was only aching from not moving much; but under Marcus’ watchful eye, Baird had allowed him to take a few steps every couple of hours, either Del or Fahz holding him upright.

His injured leg was held in a brace; the xray showed bone healing synonymous with several months of being immobilized, when in reality had been only several days. It was the most obvious sign of the nanites’ effectiveness, but Baird hadn’t wanted to risk things, knowing that the femur carried most of the body’s weight and strain.

The replacement vertebrae and ribs held up without a hitch as well, and so did the flesh and muscle – only slightly raised pink scars crossed over JD’s skin, reminding the damage had been there at all. He had no recollection of the events that had led to… to his condition, but a lapse in memory to a certain extent was to be expected. The last thing JD remembered had been going out to position the targeting beacons for the Hammer. If anything, Baird was surprised, and glad that the amnesia hadn’t extended any further than that.

There was one more reason why he wanted JD to stay in the lab, rather than rest in his dorm or even go with everyone to the mansion. It wasn’t simply Baird’s desire to have JD and the others close, especially now when their presence brought him strength to carry on with the work that had to be done. Without a doubt, seeing him smile and hearing him talk with Del or Marcus, watching him fall asleep with Fahz and Del curled up next to him, had Baird’s heart ache in a good way.

But it was the fact that JD was still connected to an external power supply, that didn’t allow them to move somewhere more comfortable.

One which Baird had to make internal, to replace the limited battery cell in his arm, so that the nanites can have better power source to fall back on.

With Jack, that had been simple enough: after all, his body had been mostly mechanical, and had its own autonomous electrical generator, something Baird had perfected throughout the years, basing it on old Vasgari blueprints with similar idea, that had never quite been brought to a prototype stage, from what he knew at least. Most DB’s ran on versions of that, but he’d been making improvements and testing different materials since.

The change he needed here, was the size. A couple of other details too, surely; but most of all the size. JD’s arm had nearly healed and he wouldn’t need the protective biomechanical skin fused over it much longer, which meant any battery would need to be internal, and placed in a way that the nanites could interact with.

Baird didn’t wish for them to return to hibernation once JD was given the medical all-clear, not if his plan to have them available in battle was to be followed through. And not with how long JD’s heart had been practically ‘dead’; he had a heartbeat again, the nanites had succeeded in restarting the organ once the tissues had been repaired enough. But there could still be a weakness left in the structural integrity of the cells, since Baird’s research on the matter was lacking much factual data.

So if he could create a fitting power supply, they could remain operating in low priority mode, only activating truly if there was a problem.

Of course, there was also the matter of the nanites currently circulating in Del and Fahz’ bodies as well.

Their nature made it impossible to truly be rid of them once they were within a physical host; since they took part in the bone marrow and the very cells of one’s flesh. He had deactivated them, since there was no current use for them, nor a power connection. But if he could create a power bank, that could mean both Fahz and Del could use the added benefit of nanotechnology, the ability to heal from otherwise deadly wounds.

The sheer potential was something Baird had thought of a lot throughout the time he’d spent hypothesizing over the nanites as he wished them to be. And yet, that task was up there with literally everything else stacked high enough on his plate, that he was certain it reached the ceiling.

Priorities, priorities.

* * *

***

JD caught himself dozing off again, but tried to blink the sleep away, despite the weight pulling at his eyelids; not wanting to succumb just yet, even if his body needed it.

He wanted to commit this current moment to memory, to bask in the sensation of it.

The blanket covering him was warm and soft, maybe it was fleece, he couldn’t say. Laying on his side, face resting over JD’s shoulder, was Del, with features relaxed in sleep. His long eyelashes cast gentle shadow over his cheeks, and JD could feel his heartbeat where their bodies were pressed against one another.

On his other side, in a similar position, was Fahz. His arm was draped over JD’s tummy, the palm of it resting on Del’s hip.

His beard scratched slightly where his face met the exposed skin of JD’s neck, but he didn’t mind. He held both of them close, knowing the two beds pushed next to his probably still didn’t make for a very comfortable extension, to lay over halfway.

Still, they’d barely left his side since he’d woken up, only going for a quick shower and to return with a bunch of food, the sight and scent of which had made JD’s stomach rumble. Much to his dismay however, he’d had to go for something with a pudding-like consistency, which sad as it might had been, didn’t surprise him.

Baird had promised if he stomached it alright, he’d ease into normal food within a week, and that was a much better prognosis than what he’d had to deal with after the Hammer incident, and having been tube-fed for the duration of his coma.

Regardless, he’d insisted everyone else eat up and not mind him, knowing they wanted to be close but would’ve missed a meal if it meant it bothered him. Not something he wanted anyone to do, plus there was more to it than that. Being in one room over dinner (and breakfast, and lunch) with both Del, Fahz, Marcus and Damon was an instance he’d missed dearly.

And it held a different tone than hurriedly sharing rations while out on the field. Really, Baird kept getting distracted by a bunch of electronic messages needing his attention, or writing down an idea or two he seemed to come across while focused on his noodles, but aside from that… Well, if anything that was one of the dads he’d grown up with. Damon had always had a slip of paper on him, scribbling stuff from time to time, just putting a word or two in a note that meant little to anyone else.

But seeing him come back from the meeting with Jinn, and toss away his tie, sitting down heavily next to Marcus, really brought back some memories.

Marcus, who had been typically quiet, but still intensely present, had pulled Baird close and given him a smooch on the cheek – making JD raise his eyebrows. He’d somehow missed a lot for being out hardly more than few days, but so far he definitely couldn’t complain about the changes.

From how open Marcus had been with showing him, telling him he’d missed him and verbally saying he loved him (JD couldn’t remember when was the last time he’d heard him say that, but he thought back on something Kait had told him months ago – that Marcus cared for him deeply, and not only; but simply didn’t put it in words) he reached a couple of revelations.

Such as reevaluating his attitude, because even if they had gotten closer again after the Hammer incident, as always many things had hanged unsaid between them. JD told himself he’d do better from now on, not wanting to see his fathers’ face displaying such a visceral level of hurt ever again.

More surprising than not had been the complete change in Baird’s demeanor. Evidently, he hadn’t been able to stay mad at JD or himself about the Hammer anymore, and with a typical level of emotional teleportation directly from point A to point B, he’d taken the opportunity to coddle after JD like a fond mother hen.

Their combined affection had been enough to make him question if he wasn’t dreaming again after all, but no. He’d slept and woken up to the same treatment, along with having an interesting and enlightening talk with Del and Fahz.

He felt a bit embarrassed to realize they remembered everything from the shared dream, since he still felt very vulnerable about how deeply expressive it had been of his own state of mind.

But it also had been what mended the rift between him and Del; they still had a lot to talk about, although for now seemingly danced on the edge of lighter topics, neither wishing to reopen wounds that had just begun to heal. The unspoken promise was there however, stating they were going to lay down their cards, show and tell on this new part of the road they had chosen to walk side by side again.

And much like in the dream, that road was not for them to walk alone.

Fahz’s feelings ran deep, and JD’s for him in turn. So to have both his and Del’s love, made him happier than he’d felt in years. Especially seeing them bicker playfully, more of a flirting than honest disagreement over one thing or another. The desire had been there too, he could see it in their eyes; even if everyone was keeping things PG for now, with the lab always having someone else around than just the three of them (and well, JD wasn’t blind to how everyone seemingly handled him like fine china all of a sudden; though getting to know some of the details of what his body had been though, he could hardly blame them).

But it was undeniable, especially not for himself, that something in Fahz seemed to reach to people’s horny brain first and foremost. His attitude played a big part for sure, perhaps the constant challenge just acted as a catalyst to his looks, but JD understood Del’s interest quite well in either case.

Plus Vasgar had done what he’d hoped to, even if in a rather turnaround sorta way – it had shown the others that under Fahz’s cocky bravado, there was a good man, one worth knowing and befriending. And then some, huh. JD had seen the two of them save each other’s’ lives in a record amount of instances in the matter of days, which was a thing that definitely built chemistry.

So all of that, naturally left him with a lot to think about.

In this one moment, he had all the time in the world. The lights in the lab were muted; the only brighter spot was Baird’s workstation, the soft azure glow outlining his figure as he typed away at something, a mug next to his arm that he occasionally drank from.

JD smiled to himself, when he remembered catching a closer glimpse of it during lunch. It was a big and slightly lumpy creation, and the handle was broken long ago; but the glazed porcelain still proudly bore the words ‘ _One of the two best dads ever’_.

He still remembered the day in school when they’d had that project, a craft class which challenged his artistic ability. Hence the slightly wobbly words adorning his creation, one of the two that is. The other he’d given to Marcus, who actually smiled upon getting it and displayed it in one of the shelves of the house.

Baird had taken his with a smirk and a kiss on top of JD’s head, and carried the thing everywhere; he was pretty sure Clay Carmine even told him Baird had shown it to everyone at one of DBi’s workshops.

Knowing he’d kept it all those years made JD remember his dream, the bits of the past he carried through in it. Family ties ran deep, and it had been about time they all put some wrongs right again.

Thinking of Carmine couldn’t but bring back some pain, upon waking the memory of Lizzie. But Clay’s joy upon seeing him had told JD more about the man than years so far. He had hugged him tight and told him to never worry them like that again (like an uncle would), and to promise to be careful from now on.

There’s only as careful as one could be on the battlefield, and they both knew it. But Clay had lost more than enough family as is. And he’d been there, watching JD grow up just like his own niece; he hadn’t wanted to lose him too.

Cole’s words had been similar, and his embrace – bringing comfort, just like it always had for JD. His soft but booming voice could always give JD hope, and make him smile.

He’d been relieved to find out that Cole’s recovered from the battle with no more than few bruises and a stretched muscle, quickly heeding off the nurse’s insistence on remaining in bed for the opportunity to check up on him. He and Clay had come in the lab with a lot of questions; apparently, while Baird had dropped by to see his friend first, he hadn’t gone into detail about the plethora of evens that had unfold since the Kraken fight.

And Cole had been worried about how him and Marcus would deal in the fallout, but initially been unable to do more than sit and wait, listening to the bits of the story that Clay had known.

How exactly the puzzle had fallen into place seemingly mattered less to him than the results afterwards though. He’d stayed most of the day, telling stories and joking around; now Fahz got to hear more embarrassing childhood moments than JD would’ve ideally wanted him to know. But it was all in good spirits still, JD had to agree, even with blush spreading over his face.

The tentative difference in their new relationship hadn’t gone unnoticed too. With a raise of a brow, Cole had shaken his head and mumbled something along the lines of ‘like father, like son’, and told JD to ask Baird about Paduk sometime, perhaps when the former was slightly less busy than now.

It had surprised him, but he hadn’t tried to pry the matter. The more you know, though Del definitely had seemed intensely curious.

“Would explain why that old man was giving me such looks.” Fahz had quipped sometime later, when they were getting ready to sleep. That certainly took their, admittedly shocked, attention. “What? I’m a handsome bloke, can’t fault him for window shopping.”

“How does that explain anything? You don’t look a thing like Marcus or Baird.” Del had added, looking at him in confusion.

“I mean he just… gets the vibes? For people who already got someone?” Fahz mused.

“Ok, I’mma stop you right there. That’s like, reaching. So far.” Del laughed and waved his hand, clearly bemused by Fahz’s logic.

“Guys I don’t think that was what Cole was going for, when he mentioned this.” JD added, seemingly unable to get certain questions about Paduk out of his head. “They have a long history, so it’s probably affection over pure attraction.” He looked at Fahz pointedly, despite not being particularly surprised by the path the man’s thoughts had taken.

“But you gotta admit – that guy just had big dick energy.” Fahz snickered, poking at JD’s arm lightly. “And he was absolutely picking on me. I seem to have a history with bullies going after my pigtails for that reason.”

“Dude no, I do NOT want that image in my head.” Del hid his face in mock offence, making JD laugh. “Those are just two things that shouldn’t be put together, ever.” 

“And don’t get me started with the amount of times you’ve admitted to looking.” He said to Fahz, recalling the rather memorable occasion of Fahz telling him he found Marcus really hot in workout gear.

“Ey, I have eyes? Can you blame me?” Pretending to be offended, Fahz clutched at his chest, resting over JD’s shoulder dramatically. “My, my, please forgive me ogling at buff soldiers during lunch break.”

“I am not getting further into that.” Del chuckled, moving around to make himself more comfortable. “What I do think is that we all need sleep before this gets any further outta hand.”

“You’re probably not wrong.” Fahz hummed in amusement, and took off his glasses, leaving them folded on the medicine cabinet next to the bed. “Can’t say some good didn’t come out of it all though.” He said in a surprisingly tender voice next, and JD watched him lean over to give Del a kiss goodnight, before getting one himself.

“Yeah, there is definitely a lot of good actually.” He found himself saying, looking at Del and Fahz fondly, arms wrapping around them. “Could even say I got most of it right here.”

Del’s kiss was all the answer he needed.

Seeing the two of them fall asleep shortly after, and getting to watch them rest by him was all he had wanted. If he could, he would’ve stayed awake the whole night, just relishing in the peaceful feeling of being where he belonged, of feeling safe and loved. But his body had its own plans, and sleep came to him easier than it had in months, blissfully void of any nightmares.

* * *

***

Marcus woke up with a start, the unfamiliar darkness around giving him a momentary sense of disjoinment; his mind needed a minute to fully shake off the tendrils of his dream. One that had taken place in times long gone, with people who no longer walked upon this world.

The distant pattern of blinking led lights reminded him that he was in Baird’s lab; sleeping in a nook between some equipment, blankets and pillow stacked over a thin mat placed directly on the floor. It wasn’t by his design – it was actually where Baird rolled down for few hours of much needed sleep between the all-nighters he’d pulled in the recent months.

However, the room was warm and mostly quiet, save for the monotone hum of the ventilators coming from the rows of servers and other computers at Baird’s work station. And his back didn’t mind the harder surface, if anything, it helped relieve the occasional painful tension which would seize his waist with the remnants of old trauma.

Sitting up, he looked at the joined beds at the other end of the lab. He could just make out the sleeping forms of James, Del and Fahz; huddled close and barely illuminated by the low light emitted by the screens in front of Baird. Who was still up, his chin resting on the palm of the arm he’d propped up over the desk.

The glare of the monitor reflected in his glasses, showing he was working – otherwise Marcus would’ve thought he’d dozed off, considering the stillness of his body.

Despite the nightmare which had roused him, Marcus found himself in a rather serene mood. Seeing JD’s chest rise and fall slowly with his breaths, his body no longer tied up to a mountain of machinery, brought him a sense of peace, a rush of calm. No matter the dreams which had plagued him with increased ferocity whenever he closed his eyes lately, all he needed to do to banish the sense of unrest was wake up and look at him.

Every time that same anxiety gripped his chest, it was cast away when he saw that his son was alive, awake. Seeing him smile, seeing the brightness return to his eyes was something Marcus had feared he’d never know again. But he did, brought forth by a plethora of events spanning over such a vast amount of time, that it made for spectacular odds. For once, the world didn’t just take from him; it gave back.

The fear was going to be there still. It had been from the moment James was born, the instinct to protect him, to keep him safe becoming an unbreakable part of Marcus’ consciousness. Constantly looking out for danger, doing what he could to prevent it. Something which would remain so as long as Marcus lived and breathed, even now that James was no longer a child – he was always going to be his son. Yet he knew he’d have to see him fight again, wage the war whose end neither of them could predict.

So he feared, but also reminded himself to treasure the moments they had, living in the present – not the past, as he had ended up in the last several years, letting his old sorrow overcome him.

He’d spent the previous days not leaving James’ side, helping him do short walks around the room or just sitting by him. They’d talked, even if Marcus was better at listening, he still tried to put in words the things he knew were best spoken out loud. Now that he’d been given that second chance, he didn’t plan to waste it.

Too many times James had been nearly taken away from him, and it had taught both of them a certain sense of humility, of pulling down walls wrongfully put up in the past. He was proud of how far he had come to better understand the reasons behind some of Marcus’ words and actions, those which he had to admit were difficult to see without the right perspective.

James had made mistakes, and come through a changed man, for the better or worse. Despite that Marcus had never wished for him to feel that pain, having been through it himself, some things had been beyond his reach to prevent.

Getting up quietly, he walked over to Baird, who noticed him almost right away, and gave him a tired smile.

“A bit early to be up, isn’t it?” His voice was low, just audible enough to be heard.

“Don’t really feel like going back to sleep.” Marcus shrugged his shoulders, not wanting to elaborate further. Baird knew of his nightmares well enough, and the state they often left him in. “What time is it even?”

“Barely past four. I was catching up on some reading.” Baird tilted his chin at the screen, which displayed what appeared to be a scanned page of an old document, the paper yellowed and somewhat water damaged, but the ink on it still legible.

Parts of the writing were actual diagrams of sort; Marcus couldn’t say for sure, but they seemed to have something to do with chemistry, or biology. Or perhaps a mix of both.

Resting his hands on Baird’s shoulders, he leaned over him slightly, placing a kiss at the corner of his lips.

“Maybe you ought to call it a night. The cot’s still warm.” His tone was painted with amusement, an old memory resurfacing as he spoke. They’d been rotating patrols at an abandoned COG mycelium farm, while squads salvaged what equipment could still be of use, and prepared it for transportation to Jacinto.

It hadn’t been more than a year since Dom had gotten him out of the Slab; and while he and Baird had come to hold a certain respect for one another, their relationship was still in the stages between teammates, friends, and the growing interest for something more.

Their patrol schedules hadn’t been parallel; instead, they’d converged at the point where one would end and the other begin. So Marcus had found himself falling asleep with Baird’s scent on the pillow and the sheets still warm from his body, and on occasion their roles reversed.

It was about the time when he’d begun to admit that the weight Baird’s gaze had carried when he looked at him sometimes, was not so different from his own, reflecting a want neither of them had been able to hide well anymore.

“Read what I’ve been reading so far, and I doubt you’ll be able to sleep much after.” Baird’s tone gave him a pause – it wasn’t often that he heard him sound so disturbed over anything.

“What is it exactly?” He asked with a frown, since looking at the page earlier had left him none the wiser.

“The last of the data Jack had pulled from Mount Kadar. To think it’s been literally under our noses this whole time…” Baird huffed, and took of his glasses with a practiced move, before rubbing the lenses over his sleeve. “The stuff they’d been doing there… Things mandated by active members of the government, make what we saw back in Nexus pale in comparison.”

Marcus turned the words in his head a couple of times, lost in thought. Nexus had been bad, in so many ways, and for Baird to bring it up in that regard said plenty, since he himself had nearly been through the Locust’ torture chambers. They had lost Tai, who Marcus thought of as the strongest warrior and Gear to ever come out of Sera’s cradle; he’d seen the state Maria had been brought down to, her body broken beyond hope for recovery.

He’d had a clue of what had went on in Mount Kadar, both since the first time they’d passed through there, and later from what Kait and Delmont had told him. But Baird had all the salvaged ‘research’ left behind by Niles Samson, and Marcus could only guess the details written down by the madman.

“Yeah, the COG had its dirty secrets, and was never known to uphold a moral code in some regards. Just remember the POW camps during Pendulum, or the Asylums. Hell, the birthing crèches…” Marcus’ mood darkened as he spoke, the decades old memories leaving behind a sour taste. He’d been green as grass the first time he’d found out more about the POW camps; but the Asylums were a different thing altogether.

His mother had visited a ‘resident’ there, taking him along, perhaps thinking he’d been too young to think much of it or wander around. But he had, including seeing things she didn’t know he’d been around for. He’d missed her attention, as he often did while she was still present in his life; but it took years for him to find out that the research she was conducting on Asylum patients consisted on performing lobotomies and medication therapy with dubious side effects.

“Ugh, don’t even get me started on the birthing crèches. I know Anya meant well with the assisted reproduction programme she developed, and hell it had a big difference from the old ways, but it still hit a bit too close for comfort, in some aspects.” Baird had also been a part of the squad that had taken part in search and rescue of the facilities roughly dubbed ‘breeding farms’ by the old COG, and what they’d seen there, and heard from the surviving women had been bone chilling. Even for those who’d tried to brush it off, or argue about its necessity.

Anya’s program had helped people once the Locust war had been over – since one of the observable side effects of Imulsion exposure had been infertility, lingering even after the Imulsion was destroyed. But despite the complications which had arisen, and cost her life in the end, her prodigy had taken on popularizing her project with a somewhat disturbing level of devotion.

Especially since Outsider settlements had shown that the infertility issue was not passed down the next generations – and in turn had no problems in natural population growth.

It all had reminded Marcus a tad too keenly of the society he remembered from his youth; the blooming, but deeply flawed nation hungrily worshiping the idols of its long-going war, and ready to sacrifice their sons on the battlefields. Trying to push the acceptance of their loss as the greatest honor one could uphold.

It was almost ironic that the Locust, the Swarm, had returned now, before people had recovered well enough to begin waging real wars against each other again. Though not too far off, if he were to recall the events at Settlement Two, of the growing unrest and opposition to the Outsider way of life.

“But this, this is truly beyond either.” Baird added after a while, reaching to close the file he’d been reading, and rubbed a hand over his eyes. “The stuff they’d been doing to people, our people… To mine workers, and their children and spouses and… Ugh. The way Niles had conducted his inhumane plan, and been allowed to bring it to reality is horrifying.”

“And from what we know, he really made the proto-locust. But how is it all connected to the Swarm now?” Marcus asked, the question which had bothered him since he’d first felt Reyna in the neural hive, and when Kait had shown them the amulet. They’d found out enough about Myrrah in the research data to know they were her genetic legacy, but the hivemind should have ended with the Locust.

“That’s the million-dollar question, isn’t it.” Baird sighed, spinning his chair towards Marcus. “If I can find the answer to that, it would mean figuring out how to stop them, much like what your father did with the Locust.”

“Or tried to. Seems like he hadn’t quite gotten it after all.” Marcus have had more than enough time to think on his father’s work, along with finding out a lot about the things he’d done and known. It had been on the data disk he’d given to Baird back on Azura; his legacy, his book of revelation. For all the guilt Marcus had felt for not saving him, twice at that, he’d also learned that he knew little about the man Adam Fenix had truly been.

“Yeah… He’d had access to everything Niles had been doing. But even partaking in it hadn’t prepared him for handling the outcome.” Baird’s words felt like a punch in the gut.

“What do you mean, partaking in it?” He asked, voice coming out louder than he intended to. A quick glance over his shoulder told him no one had stirred due to his sudden outburst, so he tried to collect himself. “My father had known about Niles’ research, but are you saying he was also a part of it?”

“From what these documents show yes, Marcus, he was. He’d known Myrrah, and hence his effort to change the events of E-day by working alongside her in his Locust research. But he’d helped create them, or what the COG had wanted them to be at least.” It seemed like Baird was about to add something else, when one of the darkened screens next to him lit up, displaying a message with a blinking light.

Baird opened it, and it triggered a video feed, grainy and monochrome, but Marcus instantly recognized the people in it.

_“Is that thing even on? Are you sure it works this way?”_ Paduk’s voice, thick with accent sounded through the speakers, too loud until Baird quickly adjusted the volume.

_“It’s working, just wait a bit for them to connect too.”_ Kait was looking over his shoulder, hand outstretched to something outside of the camera’s reach.

“Paduk, Kait – we hear you. And see you. What the hell are you broadcasting from?” Baird said after inputting a few commands at his terminal.

Truly, the image didn’t seem like the ones Marcus had seen from the cameras the Condors were equipped with; nor one bots like Jack had been able to transmit.

_“A comm tower, about as old as I am.”_ Paduk grumbled, but seemed to be able to see the feed from their camera as well, if his focused gaze was any indication. _“And Baird, your bird blew up. It was too big for the hangar, and the storm got the best of it.”_

“We can get you another if you’d just tell us good drop-off coordinates .” Baird replied, smirking. They both knew why that wasn’t a good idea currently, since apparently Jinn was still unaware of the final location of the missing condor, and had agreed to keep it that way, for the time being at least. But this was the first time in two days that Paduk had been able to contact them, meaning the storm raging over Vasgar had finally let off.

_“I might just have to. You won’t believe what we found.”_ Paduk turned and said something to Kait, but since he was seemingly out of range of the microphone, his words didn’t carry over. He turned back to them, speaking again. _“Kait here’s been able to get this thing working again, don’t ask me how. But most data isn’t something we can send over a network.”_

“Then what is it? And will you actually get your people out of there? Paduk, it can’t be a good idea to stay in that bunker long-term.” Baird sounded intrigued, but also worried for his old friend.

_“Let’s just say I’ll think about it.”_ Paduk said with a shrug of his shoulders.

_“We will.”_ Kait spoke as well, leaning closer to the camera. _“I’m staying here. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything earlier, but you saw what happened when the Swarm followed me. I cannot put any more people at risk.”_

“Kait, what happened wasn’t—“ Marcus began, but he saw the change in her demeanor. She had made her choice indeed.

_“It was my fault, and JD—. I’m so sorry. And until we find a way to stop them, I’m not coming back.”_ Kait stepped away at that, giving Paduk the chance to speak again.

_“But you will want to know what we have. Baird, I don’t know all you’ve found at Mount Kadar, but there’s something here, spawning over a whole underground level of research labs. Things, trapped in some tanks which look a lot like what we’ve been fighting up there so far.”_ Paduk fiddled with something in his hand, most likely a pack of smokes. It was rare for him to hold them but not light any.

“Stasis tanks?” Baird looked startled as he glanced at Marcus, before looking to the screen again. “And you say they’re looking like the Swarm? But how? That base was abandoned since before E-day, wasn’t it?”

_“It was, and it seems like they’ve been around here about as long. The documents we found had pictures and such. Those things weren’t looking like that when whoever was running this operation left them.”_ Paduk rested his forearms on the desk, flipping the box of cigarettes between his fingers. _“I think we found your missing link.”_

“Just, don’t touch anything on those tanks, okay?” Baird spoke, anxiously running a hand through his hair. “You don’t know what might set them off. Make sure your people have constant patrols, and keep their attention inward, not just at what might be coming from the surface. I’m coming over there ASAP.”

_“Don’t worry, it’s what we’ve been doing already.”_ Paduk’s tone seemed to imply he wasn’t particularly dismayed by the situation, though Marcus had rarely heard him sound any different.

“Just don’t underestimate them. You’ve seen what happened when we did.” Marcus added, implying the entirety of the COG’s incompetence, past and present included.

“This could really be the key to figuring out the point of origin in the Locust’s metamorphosis, how they become the Swarm.” Baird stood up, seemingly uncertain at what to do first. “If I know exactly how they change, structurally, then I might be able to reverse that. Turn them into a puddle of primordial goo if it comes to be, no more shells or other ticking time bombs to have to deal with.”

“Something has me think we best hurry. With a queen in their hive, the Swarm’s cunning enough to not leave a chance like that out for the taking.” Marcus said, grabbing Baird’s upper arm lightly, and pulling him away from the desk. “But what about James?”

“I—I’ve actually finished the nanite power bank I was trying to make for him. I could have it implanted first thing in the morning, and go to Vasgar afterwards.” Baird paused, looking in Marcus’ eyes. “But you’re staying. He needs you now, more than ever. And you need him.”

“You’re not going alone.” Marcus couldn’t argue with Baird’s statement – it felt too soon, even for him, to leave now. Not when James had been awake for just a few short days, still mostly confined to his hospital bed. But he wasn’t letting Baird go in a possibly Swarm-infested bunker by himself, with backup a whole country away.

“I’m not.” Smiling, Baird took his hand. “I’ll take Cole and Carmine, and a couple more Gears. Also Jack and some of the new DB’s. We’ll need him for any additional information hidden away on those ancient servers. And to keep better contact, along with remotely handling OPs here.”

“I want you to be careful. All of you.” He said, even though he knew that Baird was going to do the best he could, given the situation. “And what is Jinn going to say about you leaving now?”

“That one’s easy. She won’t know until I do.” Baird’s tone was light, but the steel in his gaze spoke volumes. “I’m all done letting her put a leash on me. If this research helps us better understand how the Swarm works, I’m getting to the bottom of it, at my own terms.”

“Mmm okay. I guess I’ll be left to mitigate the fallout, as much as I can.” Marcus knew that Jinn didn’t value his word much, not from a long while now – for her, he was nothing but, how had she put it, ‘a disgruntled old gear’; although she was always willing to use his status as a tool in her political statements, along with that of other veterans, she hadn’t actually cared for his input. But he’d try if he had to.

“No, I’d rather you and the kids go to the mansion while I’m out.” Baird said, his expression unreadable. “It’s safer there, and you know how the saying goes. Out of sight…”

“Out of mind. She didn’t seem troubled to take the effort and ambush us when were at the estate though.” Marcus grumbled. He was still upset about that one, even if it wasn’t even somewhere he could go now, with the Swarm prowling about everywhere. Jinn’s overreaction and breach of the privacy he’d sought in his lands had felt like a slap, more hurtful to his pride and independence than damaging in terms of property.

He hadn’t really wanted to deal with repairing the estate itself; it held too many bitter memories to ever become a home for him. His actual house had held out better in that regard. And the lands could always recover, as they had since the Locust war. But the attack had been the last straw in the things Jinn had done to completely ostracize his affinity to the new COG. The top of that list being stuff like actively trying to hunt down his sons, closely followed by her policy in ‘compliance control’, as she’d dubbed the unfortunate incident at Settlement Two.

“I don’t think she’d go after you so hard now, not with James still in recovery. But what I want, is for you to keep Fahz and Del with him. Don’t let them out on patrols or to fight before I return.” He raised an eyebrow at Baird’s words, prompting him to continue. “The major point being that this was a very traumatic event for them aside, I’m yet to figure out how to introduce them to the fact that the nanites still in their bodies are there to stay. And the potential effects of that, even if beneficial, will take some time to adjust to.”

“Yeah, that sounds about right.” Marcus have had his doubts about how the nanite tech would fare up in the long run, but things being as hectic as they were, that was a bridge they were gonna burn when they got to it. “And somehow, I don’t think it’ll be very difficult to have them stay.”

Looking at the sleeping trio, Marcus could only hope they’ll make the most of the temporary reprieve they could get now. As the war would still be there tomorrow, and likely for many days to follow.

“I think they’ll handle it, alright.” Baird agreed with a small smile, before walking back to the terminal.

_“Finally, here I thought you had gone to sleep_.” Paduk greeted him accordingly, this time with a cigarette dangling from his lips, the smoke obscuring the video even further.

“Nah, only had a few points to go over first. I should leave for Vasgar in several hours, if all goes according to plan. Iris, encrypt the coordinates before preparing them for a Condor route, we don’t want anyone snooping in.” Baird nodded when the AI confirmed his request. “Oh, and get Jack here too.”

_“Don’t forget to check the weather. My joints have been giving me hell, even if the sky’s all clear right now.”_ Paduk said in a half-joking tone, but the sentiment was clear. Vasgar was a dangerous land, even for a routine flight, and this was going to be anything but that.

“Wilco. Ping us if there’s anything else, Iris will route the call even if I’m not here at the moment.” Baird said in turn.

_“Yeah, yeah. Kait’s gonna do it, I’m not good with computers.”_ Paduk waved a hand at him, the gesture conveying his exasperation with the technological world as a whole, or at least anything more complicated than a radio.

“I’m sure you’ll find another way to keep busy then.” Smirking, he picked his glasses back up from the desk, and waved at the camera. “Baird out.”

* * *

***

  
He tried to remember when had been the last time he was this worried about going anywhere. A vast desert likely swarmed with enemies? Phew, easy. Almost like a vacation, had he not forgot his sunscreen.

Maybe assembling a rocket was more work than he’d have thought, but all in all it had been a pretty chuffin’ time.

Windflares? Those were definitely worth their mettle, but he’d take his chances.

Yet it had been the short trip from Baird’s underground lab in the citadel, to the mansion, perched on the high outskirts of New Ephyra, that had somewhat rattled Fahz’s nerves.

Honestly, he didn’t even try to kid himself as to why that could’ve been. He knew the reason.

That was the first time they were getting JD away from the hospital bed, and well into proper R&R at his father’s house. Later, they’d found out that Baird had actually went back to Vasgar, but Marcus had assured them he’d had his reasons to keep quiet about it initially.

They didn’t have any problems getting to the house, but Fahz had still been on edge. He drove, while JD and Del dozed off in the back, Marcus taking shotgun. Earlier during that day, Baird had implanted some sort of a device underneath JD’s clavicle, which had meant to serve as a nanite back up to make sure his recovery would continue without a hitch.

After several hours in which nothing had gone wrong, Marcus had told them it was time to make the trip home.

Actually, it was going to be the first time that Fahz visited Baird’s mansion, since JD hadn’t gone there much during the time after the Hammer incident. The handful of times he had, were because Marcus had been there, and their meetings hadn’t been something Fahz had wished to infringe upon.

He’d been happy enough knowing that JD’s relationship with at least one of his fathers was improving, to possibly think of asking whether or not they can take a bit of a tête-à-tête retreat in there, perhaps near the hot tub (he was sure there was one, who would build a house like that and leave that out after all, huh?).

Naturally, it turned out he needn’t have worried; the trip had gone fine, and JD was alright. He’d sat in the kitchen with them while Marcus and Del were working on preparing dinner, hands wrapped around a steaming mug of tea. Every now and again Fahz would catch him smiling to something one of them had said, and feel himself unable to focus on anything else.

But could anyone blame him? JD looked positively radiant, even if a bit of sleepiness had softened his expression. Since the past few days, he’d gotten more energy, and otherwise one could never guess the extent of the trauma his body been through.

It was amazing to witness, and Fahz had no qualms on saying any different. Baird’s invention had worked, and their intervention had been on time after all. Even though Fahz still woke up drenched in cold sweat in the mornings, the memory of crawling through that tunnel with JD’s still body on the gurney behind him too raw in his mind.

A lot of thoughts spun in his head over dinner, but Fahz tried to not let himself dwell in the darker ones much, not when he had a reason for happiness right beside him. 

“Might as well get the cake out, we’re celebrating after all, aren’t we?” JD had said when they were still pondering over dessert. “Plus, gotta make sure your sweet tooth doesn’t go untreated, right Fahz?”

“There’s definitely one in the fridge, Baird makes sure of that.” Marcus had added, and although Fahz couldn’t guess which of the two of them had a greater weakness for sugar, he felt glad about the fact regardless.

“Definitely wouldn’t complain about that mate.” Grinning, he’d thrown an arm over JD’s shoulders (well, wrapped it around him gently more like it, since he still couldn’t shake the feeling of worry about accidentally bringing him pain), definitely feeling his mood agree to the notion of celebration. “And we’re getting another one when you’re actually able to have more than puddings.”

“I’m holding you up to that promise.” Laughing, JD had pressed a kiss on his cheek before leaning to better rest against him.

Fahz found himself constantly reaching out to him, even in small, subtle ways; he’d brush a hand over his thigh, hold him closer whenever he’d help him walk. Trace his fingers over the healed palm of JD’s right hand, so different from the prosthetic skin that had protected it before.

And it seemed that JD’s affection came as easily in turn – he’d practically melt in Fahz’s touch, pull him closer so that they wouldn’t part for long.

When the time had come for their sleeping arrangements, there hadn’t been much of a discussion. Fahz was staying with him and Del in their old room, the king size bed definitely big enough for the three of them.

“Not getting shy now, are you?” Del had teased, and Fahz was quickly reminded of the evening after the Kraken fight. Neither of them had questioned their need for being close back then, but all of a sudden Fahz had in fact found himself feeling uncharacteristically bashful, heat rising up in his face.

“Me? Never.” He’d said with a huff, quick to discard his hoodie despite the chill in the room. “I sure hope the heating here works though. Not really much of a fancy mansion if it doesn’t now, is it?”

It wasn’t the fact that they were sharing the bed, after all it’s literally what they’d done since JD had woken up. But being invited in the space which had initially been just theirs… It made Fahz feel they were reaching a different stage of intimacy, something he hadn’t had the chance to consider in this light before.

Once Del had come closer, their kiss unhurried but far from chaste, Fahz had found his head spinning with desire. When they’d eventually parted, gasping for breath, he’d seen JD watching them from where he lay on the bed; an impish little smile playing over his features. One telling he definitely liked what he saw.

As Del’s kisses had trailed lower, hands fisted in the thin material of his shirt and baring all the skin he could reach, they could’ve been outside in the middle of the storm that was just starting to patter against the window, and Fahz would’ve still not felt cold in the slightest anymore.

He’d grasped for Del’s shoulders, holding onto him; hand running through his hair, pulling him closer still. Letting himself be made undone felt like finally being home, to a place which hadn’t existed before, but he’d always longed to find.

Later, with JD’s warm weight resting over his chest, and Del’s arm reaching over to him, keeping a warm, gentle point of contact, Fahz slept.

Knowing there was no other place in the world he’d rather be at, and no one else he’d ever want in this way.

* * *

***

  
Looking out of the window at the garden beyond, Del couldn’t but compare it to that in Marcus’ estate.

Even now, when the lands were bare and the nights still held frost, some evergreen bushes lined the paths running between the sections of the lawn surrounding the mansion. The ground was shaped in gentle hills and seemed to avoid sharp lines, reminiscent of how it would be amidst the wilderness, and the grass covering it persisted even throughout the harsh winter months.

Still, the too-new, too-closely cultivated feeling of it couldn’t measure up to the hectic, but artful strokes of nature doing its own thing.

The rose bushes which wrapped around the gazebo were bare, their dark, thorny branches so very far from the colorful waterfalls they’d form in the summer.

Even when faced with this somewhat glum image, not untypical for Gale, Del found himself basking in the sunrays that had peaked through the heavy clouds, temporarily showering the world around him in a golden glow.

“Don’t catch a cold now, will you.” JD’s voice startled him, but he sounded in good spirits.

Turning to look at him, Del noticed the heavy blanket still hanging from JD’s shoulders.

“You’re not meant to walk around on your own just yet.” He said gently, reaching for JD’s hand. “And I’ll be alright. Just getting some fresh air.”

“Mm well so am I.” JD’s lips curled in his typical half-smile, the one which made Del always want to kiss him silly. A pair of strong arms wrapped around him, bringing the edges of the blanket around until it covered them both, and JD was close enough for Del to feel the heat of his body against his back.

“As long as you’re careful, I guess it’s ok… For today.” He reached over to JD’s face, caressing his cheek, before seeking his lips. They kissed slowly, with the gentleness of a rediscovered familiarity; although the feeling of JD’s beard against his skin still felt very new to Del. He hadn’t left it grow out past stubble before, and once he started to, Del hadn’t been able to kiss him as freely as he could now.

Letting himself lean slightly further into JD’s embrace, he fought against the tightness which rose in his chest. They were both here, JD was alive and well – he felt warm against him, Del could feel his heartbeat whenever they laid side to side; and yet his mind kept bringing up the painful, anxious memories of the few seconds in which he’d held JD’s lifeless body in his arms, the devastation of being separated right after. The soul crushing anguish and certainty that it had been the end.

“Del…” JD’s voice was soft, his palms resting on Del’s face, brushing away the wetness that had trailed down his cheeks. “It’s alright, hey. I got you.”

Looking up at him while blinking the rest of the tears away, Del tried to collect himself, unwilling to make JD worry further. But of course it was a futile effort; they still knew each other better than anyone, and JD could read him like an open book.

“I know, alright? I know. But it still hurts, JD – whenever I think that you were, you were…” His voice broke, betraying the painful emotions which resurfaced with the memory.

“I was dead. For a while, at least. But I’m here now, Del. And I’ll do my best to stay, I promise.” JD looked at him with such tenderness, that Del’s heart could break then and there. He could never live through losing him again.

“No more running headfirst into danger?” Del sniffled, but his voice felt more steady now. “I wish it didn’t take us going through all this, to get some sense of self-preservation.”

“Me neither. But we’re working on it, right? I’ll always trust you with my life, Del. And I hope you will too.” JD held his hand, bringing it up until he could place a soft kiss on the back of it; a gentry promise.

“You know I do. I never stopped.” He tried to keep the accusation away from his tone, but a trace of hurt still showed through. “I couldn’t go on the same way after knowing what you hadn’t told me, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t hard. Being away, fighting on my own.”

Kait had still been a part of Del’s team, but it hadn’t felt right, just the two of them, or being in a squad with other gears. Not after everything they’d been through, at the mines, Tollen, Azura… Del had been angry and shaken enough to transfer, but also had found himself regretting the decision more and more, since it had made the rift between him and JD grow so much bigger. So much harder to repair, or so he’d thought.

“And I didn’t exactly try to make amends on time either. But I will now, if you let me. If you’ll have me.” JD’s words were sincere, and even though Del had already forgiven him, he found himself wanting to reassure him again.

“I’ll have you, in any way you’re willing.” He spoke, coming closer until their faces were a breath away. “As I said back in that dream, you’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

JD’s smirk mirrored his own as he put their foreheads together, simply basking in the moment of closeness, of having all their barriers down.

It meant to him more than he could put into words, to have JD back. And to have him by his side again. As a friend, as a partner, as everything they could be to one another. Del didn’t want to think where he’d be now, if JD was still underneath that collapsed building, if he had disappeared in the ashes of a funeral pyre.

In a war, each day could be their last. But one could say the same in times of peace as well. So all one could do, was make the most of the time they’d been given.

Arm wrapping over JD’s waist, Del smiled and looked over at the bed where Fahz was still sleeping, barely noticeable under a mountain of blankets, the pristine white sheets a beautiful contrast against his bare skin.

“Say, how about we go make sure he doesn’t catch a cold?” JD raised an eyebrow at his words, before stepping forward, the smile dancing on his lips matching Del’s.

* * *

***

* * *

***

07:00 Hours, Tyran time

// incoming message intercepted:

>>transcript:

//Paduk was right, you won’t believe what we found. I’m coming back. If I’m right about this, I know how to stop the Swarm for good. But we’re going to need Osmium. Lots, and lots of Osmium… B.”

>>end transcript

//T.S., for the First Minister’s eyes only.//  
  
***

* * *

***

~Fin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What can I say about this conclusive chapter? It took me a while to write it, because most of the month I felt rather unwell, and unfit emotionally to make the positive tone I wished this story's ending to hold. 
> 
> I do hope I've got it now though! 
> 
> There's lots of different POV parts, because I wanted to show everyone's state and thoughts, similarly to how I did throughout the previous chapters. 
> 
> To part, here's some words of wisdom from tumblr user "lelibela" that really resonated with me:
> 
> "Letting a traumatized character have their happy ending where they can recover from their trauma will always be a thousand times more powerful than killing them off for shock value"
> 
> I feel it's something that definitely has to be applied to the Gears universe, and I hope I've done just that. 
> 
> But also: 
> 
> " radioactivesupersonic:
> 
> People who try to tell me things are ‘not that deep’ fundamentally misunderstand me, I am not a fish desperately in search of the ocean, I am a magpie that roves the canons, searching for shiny things to put in my nest. Whether or not it actually is given deep narrative weight by canon itself is of secondary importance to the fact that it has the potential to be interesting, and thus, I covet it.
> 
> “It’s not that deep”
> 
> Maybe not originally, but the ground is soft and I’m ready to dig."


End file.
